Runs on food and music, will sing for chips and pasta.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Letter sixty-eight - Day eighty-eight of your vacation

Dearest J,

A new calendar year is on the horizon.  I want to be able to relive our happy times again, we had so many of those.  Now you live inside of me, in my head.

When I was in the shower last night, washing off hairspray of my hair, I was replaying all the compliments I received after singing at my first Sabah gig.  The musicians liked my singing and my voice, all of them!! It felt like a dream, I don't know if it's a Sabah thing for musicians to be so lovely to singers... And the dinner guests too, they took my hand and said thank you for my lovely music.

While I basked in the glory of their praises, replaying in my head under the (broken) shower head, I thought of you naturally.  How you'd kiss me and tell me I'm a clever girl.  I didn't feel so bad then, I felt happy to know what you'd said to me and that you'd be very proud.

Now, back in KL and sitting here watching Thursday watch me blog,  I have to try to get a grip of myself and not feel bad missing you.

But in general, generally, overall, I am grateful for what's left of us.  There's me here still, I still have my voice and I have the memory of you.  I have people, music, Thursday, songs, our home.  I have a lot of love for music and it's paved with all your love for me - what you used to tell me a lot is enough to fuel me for the long way down this road - you said watching me sing makes you happy, you said I look happy whenever am singing and on stage...

Toast to everything that's to come, warts and all, love or hell, to life.

Big hugs,


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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Letter sixty-seven - Day eighty-five of your vacation

Dearest J,

Thursday is STILL confused with mirrors.

On other note, he scratched me good this week, I have new marks from her all over my body, got a new one on my back this evening.

Am sleepy.  Trying to get done with my `simple' packing for a Sabah gig.  Louis the cabby is coming at 7am in the morning to take me to LCCT.  I realised I quite hate packing for a performance out of KL, I cannot be a light traveller, there are make-up, heels, gowns to pack and...

Thursday should be fine for  two days here, I will be home on Friday afternoon.

I better get going.  I am really pining for the bed now.

Talk soon.

Love you lots,




Sunday, December 26, 2010

Letter sixty-six - Day eighty-three of your vacation

Dearest J,

Good morning.

I opened up Facebook every morning, this morning I found two things.  Another song that plugs my heart string, and an artiste to inspire - Katie Melua.

There are nine millions bicycles in Beijing, that's a fact, it's a thing we can't deny, like the fact that I will love you till I die.

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing 
That's a fact, 
It's a thing we can't deny 
Like the fact that I will love you till I die. 

We are twelve billion light years from the edge, 
That's a guess, 
No-one can ever say it's true 
But I know that I will always be with you. 

I'm warmed by the fire of your love everyday 
So don't call me a liar, 
Just believe everything that I say 

There are six BILLION people in the world 
More or less 
and it makes me feel quite small 
But you're the one I love the most of all 

We're high on the wire 
With the world in our sight 
And I'll never tire, 
Of the love that you give me every night 

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing 
That's a Fact, 
it's a thing we can't deny 
Like the fact that I will love you till I die 

And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing 
And you know that I will love you till I die! 

Love x 100000000000000000000000


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Saturday, December 25, 2010

Letter sixty-six - Day eigthy-two of your vacation

Dearest J,

While driving back here this morning I feel like going out for a walk somewhere because the city seems so peaceful and quiet, now.  It is rather hazy though.

Poor Thursday's been left alone here a lot.  I hope my occasional appearance helps keeping her sane.

I kinda passed out in deep sleep midway through the dinner party at your house last night.  Woke up round 3am to put on the fan, closed the door, drank some water and continued to sleep...all the way to 9am.  I had a long and repetitive dream about someone's detailed plan of a suicide.  Now the details are mostly gone, though I remember it involved a car, a long trail of cloth and that in the end the plan didn't quite go as plan. I dreamed of going into a fancy shop to look at some wigs and hair accessories and ended up shopping for some socks for you.  I was enquiring about the size when I suddenly remember you don't need socks no more.  Maybe that was why I woke up feeling slightly grouchy, rather aimless and not feeling up to do anything.

Am bringing myself over to Peter's for lunch.

One step at a time.

I thought about work while driving.

Maybe I will bring Thursday to Peter's with me at lunch.

Much love, missing you.




Thursday, December 23, 2010

Letter sixty-five - Day eighty of your vacation

Dearest J,

I realised this morning that since Oct 3, 2010, no matter how beautiful a morning sky may look, however good the morning air may smell, where I am, or may go - each morning will be tinted with a thin air of sadness.

So be it, it can't help itself.

I exchanged a few messages with one of your friends, one who seems to speak similar language as us, he said to me today:

When you meet that special someone all that scattered dots in your heart just connects , it just connects .. and everything makes sense.. it is a real fear that everything after that will be a compromise relative to the prior, the one ....

What a terrible thought to think that life will cease to make less sense for me without you around.  It has...if restlessness is a disease, then I think I have contracted it.  I live from day to day, floating from every new excitement to the next, a gasping at each discovery of a beautiful new song, savour each mouthful of good wholesome food, catching my breathe from watching every wonderful performance...amused at Thursday's games, etc.

Every experience is real and I embrace them all with my heart, I try to live these experiences vividly.  Yet there is a surreal sense of 'floating' to it, and there seems to be an undercurrent of restlessness boiling underneath.

I finished reading a short novel today.  Cher Siang gave me the book before he left for his Big Apple trip.  It's a collection of short fiction, translated from Japanese to Mandarin.  It's refreshing to be reading from page to page non-stop, I haven't been able to do it for a while.

This story is told from a young down-trodden Japanese royalty's eye.  Divorced from her first marriage and now she and her ailing mother live in a village tending a farm, surviving on little money left.  She had a drug-addict brother who later on killed himself to escape his hopelessness and his refusal to continue on this pretentious society.  The plot narrates her battle in her defense of her family's dignity and her own as a survivor of the war.  Her journey explores the meaning of life, culture & intellectual revolution, love of a mother...the ending is poignant, tragic to some, hopeful maybe.   She had a brief affair with a married man, and left him when she was conceived with his baby.  To her, she was meant to live by her own principle and the rest didn't matter.

I always like a slightly depressing story.  I hope to read a couple more fiction after this book.

Christmas, another Christmas, this weekend.

I think I will go and eat something sweet now, maybe chocolate.  The air in this room is too still.

I miss you.




Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Letter sixty-four - Day seventy-nine of your vacation

Dearest J,

The internet went down on Monday, first time in the last 70 days.  Got super-stressed over it, didn't call TM though.

The line is back today when I came home from visiting my sister.

Felt sick again yesterday, the dizziness came straight after a client meeting.  I cancelled on going to the Chuah twins party to nurse myself.  After feeling worse when I got home, I decided to let myself get some TLC elsewhere, I called your house and `ordered' plain porridge for dinner.

So I had a lot of your Mama's white porridge with salt for dinner, she also made me some eggs, vege and pumpkin.  I ate two bowls there with your parents, after I napped with Mama in your room.  Played with Tristan for a while after dinner and watched a bit of TV before I slept again on the sofa.  It was 10pm already then, I decided not to go home then and sat down and finished the last drop of porridge!

I slept for many hours, felt good.  I came home this morning at half past nine am, needed to rush to a recording in Cheras but I stopped for breakfast at the wantan mee store before I went home.

We recorded seven songs in less than three hours.  The band are Wei Li, Vincent and Charles.  Am getting these 7 songs to Ken's dancers for my Jan gig in Setiawan.

Finally visited my sister at her new home in SS2.  Very nice color theme, like ours :)  lots of cream and beige.

Thursday is getting restless on my lap now, I gotta go get ready to meet the gang for dinner before going to NBT for Peter's Christmas gig.

Tomorrow, no appointment during the day (yet).  I really have to get more work done before the weekend comes.  I have a lot of new listening material on my desktop.  I want to practise all the new gig songs before next year.  Have to send all the recorded tracks to Ken before next week.

I thought of you a lot this week.  Everyone misses you, I feel it.

Big big hugs for the week,




Monday, December 20, 2010

Letter sixty-three - Day seventy-seven of your vacation

Dearest J,

Survived last week with three gigs almost back to back.  Had food poisoning on Saturday night but recovered pretty fast by morning, thanks to a strong jab of antibiotics at the 24-hour hospital down the road.

Bought Thursday some cat treats today and a collar with bell.  Now I can `hear' her.   Still no meowing, nothing. I let her sit on my lap while I blog...she looks very elegant in her black collar with gold bell.  She likes all the treats I bought.

The internet connection went down this afternoon, a first in the last 76 days.

Next week is going to be a busy week too.  Am going to send aunty Kuning back to Ipoh in my car with Nell and Peter as my travelling mates.  Then on Wednesday I go to Sabah for a music rehearsal with Roger Wang (am so excited!) and his band for a wedding on Thursday at Sutera Harbour.  Friday I fly home and catch a new year's eve dinner in KL.  On new year's day I will sing at a Ritz wedding.

Thursday in her new collar...just hope she doesn't choke on it when am not at home...

The theatre project has been called off, the excitement came fast and left fast enough too.  Now I hope those new year's bookings keep coming.

Finally had the car serviced today, long overdue.

Finally an early night today.  Am going to try to relax, shower and get some work done and get to bed earlier.  There are quite a number of songs I have to pick up for the next few gigs...looking forward to singing these new songs, include one of Siti Nurhaliza's.

Lots of love, missing you loads.


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Saturday, December 18, 2010

The bleak future and the big picture

pic - Ben Tan

Again, without any warning, I am feeling bleak, or my future is bleak.  Maybe it's the rain, the cold tiled floor and the cold wind blowing into my shower.

Am not sure if I abandoned my usual hopeful self, or my hopeful self has abandoned me.

Can it be that hopeful and hopeless are but a switch of a thought, a perspective, change of an angle?

I don't need reminders to know I am a very special species of a woman and that it took a really special guy to `see' me.  J was very very special indeed.  Am not sure if there are that many very special guy out there.  Though J and I shared the same philosophy in 'you can't tell what the future lies', I was always sure that the bond we have, it is one that is hard to fall out of.  I told myself that we found each other in a sea of billions soul, and that I was lucky, and am settled and done for.  We didn't need no reassurance of a marriage or ring, vows to know that we complete each other.  In fact, we did exchange `vows', in our own special emails, and being miles apart.

I `proposed' to J that year in 2007 thro an email, to grow old with me:



David and I had a great outing today and we chatted a lot.  Eventually he asked about you and I, and eventually the subject of marriage came in.  I wasnt good at all in making my point about why we dun want to get married.  I thought about it for a while now that am home and I finally realise that, it's something I really want 
with you, is that...

I don't need to marry you, all I really really want, is to 
grow old with you and be your bestest friend till our old age.  It's the most romantic thing in the world for me, to be able to stay together when we are riped old and love each other to bits.  the rest really dont matter to me.

I hereby officially propose to you to 
grow old with me, as oppose to marrying me :)

I love you.



He replied soon enough, I was so happy to get this:

Dearest B,

Poor me crying when i read your email proposal-woh. I'm so touched. I accept your proposal and wouldn't anything different. Lets do it.

Love you much B. cant wait to meet you in Chiang Mai.


Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit 
with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

- Albert Einstein

In full consciousness, I allow myself to indulge in these memories, wallowing in useless thoughts and images of me growing older alone.  

Maybe for another couple of months or so I shall allow myself these little pockets of time for unproductive thoughts...I shall enjoy in full volume of this aloneness.  I sat at the dining table earlier, drinking tea and reading a new book that Cher Siang passed me, but mostly staring into space and breathing in the emptiness around me.

But, no matter how bleak the future of meeting men may seem, and how `attractive' the idea of growing old alone with music (and yes, with friends) maybe - I wouldn't want to be the person, a person, who is all about herself.  I want to feel alone sometimes, but most of the time, I want to feel like part of this wonderful universe.

Being part of the revolution of mankind, as part of the fight for the survival of arts, music, animal welfare, vegetarianism, vintage clothing, recycling, being kind.

So ya, if I don't have that very special someone in my bed.  I want to be out there, and have that something big.  And be in that big picture.

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Friday, December 17, 2010

Letter sixty-two - Day seventy-four of your vacation

Dearest J,

Feeling very distracted most parts of today.  Thursday had a few visitors today, Caitlin brought her some new toys and me a card.

Mia's performance last night was `absolutely smoking' last night, and her musicians totally complete the scene.  No matter how many times I have sighed at her enormous talent in telling a story thro her singing and song writing, she never failed to make me gasp at her gift every time I watch her live.

Appreciating others' gift in music always make me feel incredibly small but at the same time I feel happy to be alive now to take it fully the glory of music and songs.

Accidentally came across one of my old blog entries earlier:

sunday, june 22, 2008

As I lied this morning next to the man I love so much and who loves me back dearly...I cannot help but wonder for myself, and for everyone out there...

Will the love you bring to the world, will your passions and your work still mean the same thing to you if you haven't got a partner who is there for your at the end of your journey everyday? No matter how far apart or near, this person shares your life and your inspirations, your pain and your joy...everything.

I wonder because I cannot answer myself if what I am today, and tomorrow will mean the same to me if I haven't got J in my life.

I don't know, I guess I will find out soon enough.  I guess I can look for your face in every audience...

I love you.


another nice shot by Brandon Lim from two nights ago, at Urban, Hotel Istana

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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Letter sixty-one - Day seventy-three of your vacation

Dearest J,

Went to the vet with Chels, Thursday had her nails cut again and got her last jab for skin infection.  Forgot to buy more cat food.

On the way home ate at the Chinese temple vegetarian stall again, in the rain under the umbrella the food tasted really good.

I made a record today: mopped the flat today by myself, in all seriousness and determination.  First I vacuumed, transferring Thursday from room to room...then shut her in the toilet while I mopped.  When all the floors are done, Thursday got her second shower.

Lend Chels a dress and my precious necklace from Paris for her sushi event.  A new sushi joint getting her  to name a new sushi dish.  Am trying to break out of my possessive mould for my material things, and share good more like you.  There wasn't a thing that you didn't use to share, I remember my first lesson in learning to be generous and to share - you offered to lend my winter jacket to your client's colleague from Maybank.  I was at first annoyed that you would agreed to that without first asking me, but looking at you for five minutes was enough to understand that it was the most natural thing for you to do - if you can help, why not help?  If you can share, why not share?

Ok, going to continue with work so I enjoy the night out later - watching Mia at NBT.

....Thank you for all the important things I learned from you.





Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Letter sixty - Day seventy-two of your vacation

Dearest J,

Going to bring Thursday to the vet in the morning for her third jab.  Gotta replenish her food too.

I have three shows/gigs this week.  Tonight's dinner was small...oil and gas people.  Tomorrow is a `rest day' where I continue to catch up with errands and maybe some rest.

I been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to blog but all I do is drifting in and out of sleep...guess I better go wash off my make up, shower and sleep.

Talk to me more when am sober...





Monday, December 13, 2010

Letter fifty-nine - Day seventy of your vacation

Dearest J,

I packed quite a few of your Haines teeshirts to give to a single-mom charity outfit.  While packing a sadness got better of me.  You used to stress over running out of these comfortable teeshirts, they are so precious to you.  These white tees have been your signature look for decades.  Mama used to have to repair all the holes on your old ones, before you found more of them during your trips to India, and then Bangkok.  Now all these shirts aren't put to use anymore, even though I know they are going to people who will find them useful...I can't help imagining you standing in the room while I pack them, thinking...oh, there goes all my precious Haines tees.  Sorry they have to go, I wish I keep them...but we both know there isn't any use in keeping them.  Like what Gopi said, we have to make a good use of all your things.

I kept a set of two of your favourite teeshirts, for my fantasy, that one day...somehow you'd come back and will need some familar clothing to get comfy in.  This absurd thought must stem from all those hours I spent not missing you, not thinking of you, and now these little explosions of emotions manifest themselves I react to situations.

70 days already, closing in to 100, then it will be 200, 300...  Part of me want to celebrate how all of us have survived without you since Oct 3, how we have managed to brush aside our misery and walk on, even laugh and make toasts to many things; part of me want to put a stop to the clock ticking away, because counting the days seems to lengthen the distance between you and I, that day when you put on your biking suit to go out and this day, I sit here without a home for my heart.

But life goes on.


Went to visit Mama.  Had lunch with your dad, Mama and your aunt.  Saw Hilary sleeping under the car as I left after lunch, fatter than ever.

Going to make something useful now, maybe do my laundry and look at my music before I sleep.

Miss you,




Sunday, December 12, 2010

Letter fifty-eight - Day sixty-nine of your vacation

Dearest J,

I had a nice time today at Arts For Grabs in Annexe.  I had a bit of time to lepak before I left to watch Birdy in KLPac.  I sat at the canteen corner and ate leisurely and watch the market.  One packet of nasi lemak and one packet of meehoon.  Am on a mission to fatten up a little, so whenever I can, I eat more...MORE.

I was `consciously chilling' at the market, hoping to squeeze away any inch of stress.

A new theatre project is on the horizon, a demanding one, very demanding.  I need to be mentally prepared for the stress, to prepare my body for this time - I mean to coordinate, to orchestrate the body and mind together, to work seamlessly like clockwork.  Keep the body healthy so that the mind can function best, keep the body fresh so hopefully the mind stays clear and unclouded.

All right, sleep is the horizon now, and go to bed I must, now.

Love you lots,




Saturday, December 11, 2010

Letter fifty-seven - Day sixty-eight of your vacation

Dearest J,

As much as I want to hold on to my principle of a advocate of science and facts, I really wanted to for a second, tonight, believe that you are still listen to us sing tonight at Justice For Sisters.

I realised I had almost the same line-up of singers tonight, singing Imagine with me, as the line-up who sang A Thousand Miles with me sixty over days ago.  Peter and Elvira, singing with me.

It goes to say one thing, with you around, I had many friends and plenty of music-making.  With you gone, I am continuing with the music-making...with friends.

Show you here a picture of me at the performance tonight.  Nell took it with my phone.

Went for a contemporary dance workshop today, just an hour of rigorous, mad work of contemporary dance routine and warm up...leave me now with an affecting body-ache, all over. It was most satisfying to attempt those amazing moves, for someone who's never done contemporary.

Very sleepy now, still high from the gig and all that...they call it, good energy.

Love you x 1000000000000000000000000000


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Friday, December 10, 2010

Letter fifty-six - Day sixty-seven of your vacation

Dearest J,

Bought Thursday a new litter tray today.  She has outgrown the one that Peter gave me so I went to Galaxy  pet shop in Uptown to get a big one with an open lid.

Jerome sent me the revised poster with my name on it for tomorrow's fundraiser at Annexe.  I like this poster, pink!

While I learn to mange my time better in a busy period, am trying to learn how to manage my inner world...for lack of a better word.  I want to get things done and feel productive but I realise more importantly I NEED to find peace of mind, and rest when I need it, to carry on.

Thursday jumps pretty well now.  I hope she doesn't get bored of this place so soon...I imagine one day she might but I hope she finds some contentment here.  She is looking at some invisible fly in the room now, looks like she is in a hunting mode.

Tomorrow is another activity-packed weekend.

Good night love.


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Thursday, December 09, 2010

Letter fifty-five - Day sixty-six of your vacation

Dearest J,

Been taking pictures of Thursday on my phone.  Share with you...

Thursday staring out at the night view on Tuesday night..
I wonder what was on her mind.

Thursday on Wednesday morning...

Got a lot on my mind, scattered thoughts all over the universe in my head...don't know where to start to tell you.  Will attempt when I have time again.  My mission is to get more rest now.

Miss you like crazy.


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Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Letter fifty-four - Day sixty-five of your vacation

Dearest J,

Miss you very much.

Missing you in a crowded world.

Nell told me that she had asked her beautician about my predicament of the pimple outbreak, the beautician said it's likely to do with lack of sleep, food indigestion...and nutritional issues.

Had a nice little dinner party last night, chatted late into the night.

It's starting to feel like I will soon forget what it feels like to have you around...

I feel sad, even though I don't know why it should be a sad thing.  When someone is no longer around, why does it has to be sad for the living ones to stop clinging on to the past and old...?


Well, I can't complain, I have a lot of good days...can't expect everyday to be a smooth sail, when I have depended on you for so many years of emotional well-being.

I'm already doing so well...

Sometimes I can't even begin to believe I don't miss you as much as I thought I would, given how much we looked to each other for emotional and spiritual comfort.

Oh I miss you so much now.

Lots of love,




Monday, December 06, 2010

Letter fifty-three - Day sixty-three of your vacation

Dearest J,

Just got home from singing workshop with Heidi Vogel, a UK vocalist.  Did some really interesting improvisation exercises and got some useful advice from her for my singing career.

I spent most of today feeling restless and quite a bit to do and feeling I wasn't being most productive and time efficient.  To make it worse, I looked into the mirror a few times today to find me staring at my most...say, productive?  Most productive outbreak of mini pimples.

Ya, (lucky for me) the kind you don't see in one glance.  Small, `skin-color' pimples spreading across my forehead...

I washed my face a few times today and spent too much time going over all the possible causes for this physical manifestation.

Not enough sleep?  Poor diet?  Reaction to too much car fur in the house?  The new serum am using?  Poor face hygiene?

...or maybe just part of few `physical reactions' that I been having since your lips still breaks easily, among other conditions.

Am singing this Saturday at Justice For Sisters.

I really ought to start working on that Bach duet too...been postponing my practice.

Learned to sing a new song today, very excited. Duffy's Mercy.

Rehearsed with a new musician at home today, David.  He is playing with me next Saturday at 789.  Will be attempting three new songs, new in my repertoire - Fever, Route 66, and Mercy.

Am going up to have my vege  quiche now at Fai's.

Am feeling very occupied with music and songs and other errands.  Unlike the busy times I had last week where I missed you more, this far am quite fixated on my long-to-list.

Much love,




Sunday, December 05, 2010

Letter fifty-two - Day sixty-two of your vacation

Dearest J,

Last night's gig was fun.  The sound check was particularly interesting, we only managed to got the sound right when Vincent (bassist) decided that he would help after all.  Wei Li sang a couple of songs with me and did a solo on The Nearness of You.

I sang out to you last night while I was on stage and looking at all the guests at the dinner.  Came home wishing to have you waiting for me...well, ok, Thursday was sure quite pleased to see me home after a long day.

I have grown to care for her more now.  On Friday when I closed the door behind me to go out and saw her face inside I felt something tuck at my heart, for the first time.  This must be love?  I ask myself...

She is cleaning herself now.  After going hyper and chewing on my dress for 15 mins.

Am going to Amcorp mall now to meet Seeming and family.  It's been a while since I go there, or meet her.  I better get going.

Hugs & love,




Friday, December 03, 2010

Letter fifty-one - Day sixty of your vacation

Dearest J,

Feels like any other day, any other busy day, swamped with desk work and music work.  Day 60th.  Somewhere out there some of us keeps counting the distance...between the moment we had the treasure of you next to us and the present moment of without.

I feel dizzy at the thought that I might never stop counting the days.  Staying alive is a good distraction I suppose, and keeping busy.  I can say that I voluntarily allow my schedule to fill itself up.  Bookings are  coming in and am grateful - gigs are essential for the nourishment of the soul and bank account.

I chatted till early in the morning with Julian the sax player who lives in NYC now.  He suggested taking time off work to study, and practice.  He said the enemy of the jazz musician in KL is work, when you work most of the time, you are absent in your study and training time.  Maybe this sounds a little illogical at first, but he means to say that when you are off work, you spend all your time, un-deterred by a client's music requests and the noise around you - to just practice your craft.

There are times for everything, Julian said.  This year end and January is my time to harvest and save up for rainy days.

Thursday had her first shower at our home today. She was terrified but recovered her composure rather quickly when I wrapped her in a towel and dry her with hair dryer.  It's getting easier to deal with her, she seems, seems - is the operating word to have understood my authority, or at least a little.  She stays most of the time at my bed room door when I open the door, instead of darting into the room under my feet.  She lets me pat and stroke her more these few days.  She bites me less the last two days.

So ya, I think she is cool here, and am cool too.

I had a leisurely solitary lunch at the Wantan mee shop down the road today, after my hip hop class.  The air is still cool from all the raining.

Ok, I better get all the work done here on my desk so I can move on to more important work - singing & music.

Miss you lots,




Thursday, December 02, 2010

Letter fifty - Day fifty-nine of your vacation

Dearest J,

Spent the whole day at home today (Wednesday) with Thursday.  Had a rehearsal at home, had lunch downstairs.  Did some much needed filing of old music scores and paperwork.

Saw an old photo of myself while sorting papers, I looked better there, my face was fuller.  Need to put on weight...need a concerted effort.

I like watching Thursday sleep.  I realise now this was what you liked too, you told me many times that you love watching me sleep in the morning, you said I look so peaceful and `quiet' and I think you must have meant unthreatening and soft, unlike my noisy and sober self - just like Thursday, a picture of peace when asleep, an opposite of her feisty and playful persona when awake.

She is heavier now.  Peter and Nell came by tonight to visit us.  Peter said she has grown.

I have re-organised some parts of the bookshelf, the fiction sections are now more sorted.  Just touching and look at all these books I feel proud.  Together we have put together a collection of really powerful books in one place, from fictional works to great essays, to excellent volumes of science writing, to insightful social commentary....if only I can finish reading most of them, I will be a different person.

Photo of Thursday getting comfy on your chair earlier just before I went downstairs for Hokkien mee.

Sleepy now, going to quickly sleep.