Parents Series: Parenting My Parents @ April 5, 2022

Posted on Facebook @ April 5, 2022

 

Spent an hour and half yesterday just sitting by her side, to listen to everything and anything that she still manages to say.  These days I have to work harder in deciphering her.  In this new home, mom’s roommate is a friendly younger woman, of 49-years of age, a stroke patient.  This lady loves to chat with me but due to her condition, deciphering what she’s telling me is a real challenge.  When I do manage to understand a stance or a few words from this lady, I feel like an over-achiever. 

 

Mom was in good spirit at first, telling me about some people who came over to the home earlier in the day.  Dunno who dunno what.  After which she proceeded to start telling me about how dispirited she is, of how she’s managed during bath time.  Tears came, I sat closer and tried to get more details of her.   Something about something metal scraping her face in the bathroom…but she couldn’t say what it was.  I have to find a better timing in investigating further, sussing out the moods of those young staff at the home.  Mom’s face looks smooth and fine.  But I have no doubt that these staff here at this home has occasional, hopefully unintentional bursts of impatience with the seniors…including my mom here, no matter how adorable and docile my mom is..

 

I knew this was unavoidable.  And I have gotten into too many conversations, and explained far too many times why we have chosen the path (for now) of nursing home, instead of a full time live-in helper.  And at a nursing home, no matter how wonderful and loving the staff are towards our parents, if you have moved your family members in a home, you will always walk away feeling guilty for having done that; no matter how well you know that it is a wise, and kind decision.

 

Maybe it helps to have full awareness of having these unpleasant feelings around us.  Maybe each of us have different ways of accepting and embracing these less-than-perfect feelings in our realm.  For me, my method now is to register them and documenting them sometimes; while I try to spend more time, regular times, sitting next to my parents and listen.

p/s – my dad later told me that earlier yesterday at the home, a 100-year-old lady passed away in her sleep and her body was moved out from the home.  That was the ‘commotion’ my mom told me about.  She thought it was some men checking on the hygiene of the home.

 

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