Letter sixty-eight - Day eighty-eight of your vacation

Dearest J,

A new calendar year is on the horizon.  I want to be able to relive our happy times again, we had so many of those.  Now you live inside of me, in my head.

When I was in the shower last night, washing off hairspray of my hair, I was replaying all the compliments I received after singing at my first Sabah gig.  The musicians liked my singing and my voice, all of them!! It felt like a dream, I don't know if it's a Sabah thing for musicians to be so lovely to singers... And the dinner guests too, they took my hand and said thank you for my lovely music.

While I basked in the glory of their praises, replaying in my head under the (broken) shower head, I thought of you naturally.  How you'd kiss me and tell me I'm a clever girl.  I didn't feel so bad then, I felt happy to know what you'd said to me and that you'd be very proud.

Now, back in KL and sitting here watching Thursday watch me blog,  I have to try to get a grip of myself and not feel bad missing you.

But in general, generally, overall, I am grateful for what's left of us.  There's me here still, I still have my voice and I have the memory of you.  I have people, music, Thursday, songs, our home.  I have a lot of love for music and it's paved with all your love for me - what you used to tell me a lot is enough to fuel me for the long way down this road - you said watching me sing makes you happy, you said I look happy whenever am singing and on stage...

Toast to everything that's to come, warts and all, love or hell, to life.

Big hugs,

B