How are you?

A good friend asked me "how are you?" over WhatsApp and I wanted to give an honest and thorough answer, so I decided to blog my answer.

How am I, as per today, 8:27am of June 13.

(Many many "I" in this answer, I am aware it's self-absorbed while it is honest.  But to answer 'How Are You' - it is a look into what is happening inside my head, inside me)

I miss having an income.  Why?  Because I was used to spending the way I wished, whenever I wished.  I am aware that I am spoilt.  Not having any income now forces me to be more sensible with cash, it's character building while it is worrying.

I miss Justin.  Yesterday was his birthday.  He would have been 48.  I still sometimes wonder if he were around, whether we'd still be together.  I have a feeling that we would be.

I feel helpless, learning about what is happening in the world now.  Many bad news aren't really news, it's shit that has been around for ages but now more of the bad shit has flogged the world at the same time (is it really?) and that overwhelms me.

I wonder if I am trying enough to do the right thing in these times, about money.  I know what is "right" can be different for different people.  Not all, but so many colleagues of mine in the arts community has created new income platforms for themselves.  Me? Nada.  I find myself using the excuse of 'need to take care of my parents' whenever I try to start a conversation with myself about other means of income.  And then I get myself distracted...

With work.  Work that is work that is non-profit-generating.  If it isn't money-making, can I still call it work?  (Well, a full-time mother's day to day labour does not bring in money but you damn well will call that work, ain't it?)

I am learning and getting slightly better at not complaining about people, and things that happen to me.  Things are things, and it is on me how I set my attitude in dealing with things, and people.

I am not sure if I am taking good care of myself, heath wise.  I have to do better in taking care of my digestion, and increase the intake of fresh fruits, and control the amount of junk food I indulge in.

What else?  How am I?

I think I am actually really ok.  I am learning to live well from hour to hour.  I target to be well in the moment.  Count, and list my blessings whenever I hit a bump on the hour.  My list of blessings is a long one.

I have set up a daily timetable that I am happy with, and feel good when I work well with it.  It has helped me through on days when I am swaying.

I have taken the time to write this long and thorough (I think) answer, I'm 20 minutes behind my morning routine.  But it's worth it.  This is a mental workout for me, and probably a bit of philosophical meditation too.

Thank you for asking me how I'm doing, how about you?  How are YOU?