Runs on food and music, will sing for chips and pasta.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004


I'm so going to die.

We got the gig, at Cilantro, THIS Thursday. Z and I. They confirmed us based on the two bios on our musical background and experience, and attached mug shots. I better get a proper glam shot done right after this.


I know you girls have faith in us, and trust that I will survive this and not have the agent kill me and hold my cheque.

Thank you for believing in us..for believe in what our papers said. :)

My first corporate gig...on the same day as my first singing exam. Life is so unfair....and all, that, Jazzzzz.



Monday, November 29, 2004


I should smile more.

If you never notice how a smile could melt away human barriers such as doubts, hostility, fears and other negative feelings.

There's this young Indonesian cleaning lady working in my office building, she is most pleasant looking cleaner I have ever come across, she smiles all the time. She wears lip color and a head wrap and she smiles at me every time I see her. Her face is so touchingly genuine that I feel I have to tell you about this, or about her.

I'm not exactly the most pleasant face in a lift if you meet in a lift. I guess sometimes I look like someone owes me money but from now on I shall try be as pleasant as I can.

There were times when I got annoyed at the way my fellow lift passengers looked at me, I would take my gaze off the lift panel or the floor and stare straight in their faces defiantly. Mostly they turned away quickly and keep quiet, but once this lady immediately broke into a friendly smile and that, that smile melt my annoyance away quickly and I smiled back.

You see, a smile is a quick fix for situation like that. Smiles turn enemies into friends.

These days, especially since I moved out from the family house I've learned to smile at men more, those in certain special positions, ie. the security guards, car park attendants, toll officers, mechanics, waiters...those men I count on to get things done, to get favours from, etc.

A smile always work, I smile at them today so that if I need from them next week, they will remember that I was the friendly who smiled at them. I smile at the waiter sweetly when I order so that if the kitchen screwed up my dish I can send it back to the waiter I smiled at.

Girl power.

Coming back to cleaning ladies, I really like the fact that sometimes you'd find a few who would smile at you. It's a selfish thing, when I see an old cleaning lady who smiles quite happily at me I'll have a good day; a old and frail looking cleaning lady always leave me in a depressed mood. I wonder who are her family and whether she have any children...all that guilt starts to stir.

But a smiling old cleaning lady just make all the difference. You'd assume that she is doing ok because she smiled.

So is it wrong to say that smiling makes the world a better place to live in?



Sunday, November 28, 2004

Malaysia Kini 5th Annivernsary Dinner

It was a rather big gathering for the, what I'd call, the `alternative' circle of KL. Editor-in-chief of Malaysia Kini, Stephen Gan was visibly pleased with the crowd who braved the risk of getting raided by police to attend the dinner.

The who is who in the `alternative' media and social groups were there. MGG Pillai - Father of internet journalism, Dina Zaman - GongKapas Times, Hishamuddin Rais, Kam Raslan, BBC journalists, DAP members, SUARAM fellas...I should have sneaked the registration list home.

Even the SB was there, according to Patrick.

I had the priviledge of getting a seat at the cool Word Up table, that was behind the table that was marked `1' where the famous duo was seated -- Jo Kukathas and Patrick-The-Voice-Of-Malaysia-Teoh. They came on as the dinner's entertainment after two fairly long but not-boring speeches from Stephen and Prem. I don't remember laughing so much even at their regular Instant Cafe Theatre performances, the two are simply, phenomenal.

About 70 tables were sold, about 700 people paid to attend this dinner. Less than 30% of these put up their hands when asked by Patrick whether they are subscribers of Mkini...

I didn't put up my hand, I'm so ashamed of myself, I should sign up tomorrow morning, first thing in the morning.

Detoured to Adam Farouk's gig @ Tun Shin's La Bodega after that. The same people I saw from the dinner turned up also, in fact, they were the same folks I saw at Zahim's play (Notes on Love, Life and Painting & The Smell of Language) the night before. KL is so small. KL is small but you still take longer than it should to get to your destination.

Should we be grateful for the comings of new malls, discos, new towers and sophisticated facilities in the hotels? Patrick raised an interesting point in his performance. He said the word `grateful' is ever-so popular in Malaysia, he recapped how his father used to point at his nose and went:

"You should be grateful for the education I'm paying for you, sending you to overseas to study, university and colleges..."

"You should be grateful for what I've done for you, feed you, cloth you, care for you..."

"You should be grateful..."

He looked at his father and said: "But you are supposed to do all these, you are my father!"

He then said we folks get the same from government, headlines read 'The public should be grateful for the social and economical development that the government is working so hard on' and the likes of that.

"We should be grateful for..? They mean to say that we should be grateful for the traffic jam, the power failure and the tolls we have to pay everyday going to work??" he asked.

I will leave it to you to think about this.


Friday, November 26, 2004

Desperately seeking?

Well, what do you know, it looks like the speed-dating might not happen at all this weekend. The organisers have yet to confirm with us on the event.

Damn. Well, guess all is not wasted, I can recycle my designed look for the next one.

And that means I don't have to rush home to get change from my rehearsal on means I should get to bed early on Sunday night for my beauty sleep.

...that means I DON'T GET TO MEET GUYS ON SUNDAY NIGHT!!!!! Waaa.

Maybe this reaction is part of the female-clock ticking thingy, the older a woman is, the more desperate? Haha, but I guess after a certain age, you just stop trying and sit back and enjoy the view.

...this whole week just seem kinda exciting with the whole apartment to myself. Yes, even it's just going home to an empty apartment seem exciting to me. The whole sofa to myself, I can cook and clean while full-dressed or fully nude, I can sing in the hall with the CD on full blast and it bothers no one.

Am enjoying this strange sort of feeling, it's a mix of `I'm alone and so lonely' and `I'm all alone and it's so cool because I can decide my program tonight'. The exciting element is that I don't know what I'm going to do tonight yet but when I decide it's going to be exciting. You see, this is the first time in my life where I have a car and staying alone, wow, it's total freedom. I must have been high on it this whole week.

Freedom is the new drug for me.

A trip to SPCA sounds good. Tomorrow is my first free Saturday morning in a long long time.

Coming back to dating, I told BB that I'm desperate to go on this speed dating project...then I thought about it and I'm not sure whether I'm more excited about meeting the guys or dressing up for it. You see I haven't met any guy in the past two years that I really really feel like I want to get closer to, hehe, what they call it? Make my river flow? Haha. And I have been feeding myself with bad brain programming: KL men folks just aren't cool enough, maybe I ought to have an amnesia and wake up to a whole new world of KL guys.

Bring it on baby!!



Janet's Wardrobe 101

A disgruntled self-claimed stylist who didn't make it to the local edition of Dec 2004 Harper's Bazaar's list of 10 most stylist women in KL, decided to start a campaign of `fashion flair', to prove herself right, to the on, this is her first fashion article:

Getting bored of your wardrobe?
Dread spending a fortune on new clothes?

Janet Lee shares her ideas on ways to create new items without burning a hole in your pocket:

Sister Act: Trade clothes with your girlfriends or sisters

Host a barter-trade party in the weekend, invite your girlfriends to bring along clothes they are bored with, can’t get into anymore and etc. Have a little fashion show trying on each other’s items, chances are you will find things you like in your friends’ wardrobe and they will like some of yours. What better way to foster closer ties and to save some moolah?!

Accessorize This

Pick out those items that you have but have not been wearing and don’t want to throw out, design a new look for them by considering adding sequins, lace, beads, ribbons and etc. Go shopping at the cloth accessories section in the mall and see what materials go nice with your wardrobe.


·Your favourite shirts/blouse/tee got stained/colored? Sew sequins and/or beads in matching colors to the item, the beads will make the mistakes less noticeable and your old items will now stand out in a crowd!

·Tie or sew ribbon bows to the sleeves of your boring sleeveless tops.

Cutting Edge

All you need is a pair of scissors.


·Sick of that black three-quarter-sleeve-tee? Also that Linkin Park black tee? Cut away those sleeves and turn them into new items. You can cut the sleeves into fringe/tassels, add in those plastic hair beads for a touch of style.

·Consider turning old jeans into denim shorts.

·Cut away the waistbands off the jeans you can’t get into anymore and I bet you will get in this time. If the waistline now hangs too low and your undies keep showing, sew a matching scarf or shawl (make it’s long enough to go round your waist/hips) to the jeans’ newly cut waistband and wrap the scarf round your waist.

Go Boho

Visit your neighbourhood flea markets or that once a quarter jumble sale and comb the rare pickings on offer. If wearing second hand clothes is not a taboo for you, you can get quite a collection by just shopping at flea markets! I got my perfect-fitting-RM 5- rhine-stone-black-dress from flea market and all my girlfriends just hate me for that!

Where to go?

·PJCC (Petaling Jaya Community Center) has a few stores that offer wide selection of second hand (at very affordable price) clothes, shoes and bags at their regular Sunday store in Amcorp Mall, PJ and their shop Community Link in Atria Shopping Center.

·Second Charm in Taman Tun sells some really funky clothes and shoes. I got my made-in-Italy-utra-chic-80s-dress for only RM 8 there.

·SPCA Jumble Sale in Ampang is held a couple of times a year so look out for their announcements on radio and in papers. You can find treasures like Saris, jackets, skirts, dresses, cardigans amidst the truckload of clothes donated by residents of Ampang and others. My good old short suede jacket is from there.

·Overseas trips/vacations – Don’t forget to spend one day on your trip to ask the locals to point you to the nearest opportunity shops (Salvation Army, Cash Converters, etc) or Sunday flea markets. I got my Jigsaw linen blouse for two Australian Dollars and a mermaid tail black gown for eight Aussie Dollars!

60’s Attack: Seize Your Mom’s Wardrobe

Remember going through your mom’s photo album and gasping at the clothes she used to wear while dating your dad? Well, don’t wait; ask her where are those sleek hipsters, cotton sundresses, and psychedelic-color blouses kept today! Be creative, modify them to suit your style, turn a floor length dress into a demure knee length one where you can even wear to work or crop that bell bottoms into a manageable length.



Thursday, November 25, 2004

I Wish

I wish I could apply for a receptionist's position. I hear that job doesn't pay well but I think I'd love it. When I first finished college, all I really wanted to do was to work in Tower Records as an attendant, or make coffee at Star Bucks...somehow I got sucked into the `real world'.

You see I can't turn my passions (singing n fashion) into a full time job yet, so I think to have a brainless job that pays is lover-ly. A job so brainless that I could reserve all my energy for something more important, after work.

Unfortunately that job doesn't pay for my lifestyle. If I change my lifestyle to afford that pay, that means I would have to `discount' my passions too...right? Hmmm...

What's my lifestyle?

A nice address with nice (CLEAN) apartment
A car with
Maintainance whenever it's called for
Singing class (same price as my rental!!!!)
A mobile phone facility
Nice food
Social life

Surely I can figure something out, with help from friends like ML. She is someone I know who took up an entry-level pay and took a pay cut a few months after she started working and can still:

(this is Singapore)
- afford insurance
- go to gym (Government gym, she said, very cheap, SD 2.50 per entry)
- best ticket at David Tzao's KL concert
- occasional shopping

I suppose I just haven't been discipline about things I should cut down. Like buying shoes like crazy, magazines (they are for my research now!!!), eating out in fancy joints, etc.

Justin told me about this girl he knew back then whom he admired for her brains and beauty. I met her once, the day before she got married, a beauty. Let's call her V. V is really passionate about playing scrabble, she is so crazy about it that she spent all her time outside playing scrabble and focus on getting better. She worked as a receptionist, she went to work on time and leave on time too, so that she can get home early and play scrabble. She went on to play at tournaments and her position got higher and higher as she improved.

The job was really nothing important to her, it was means for something bigger for her - Scrabble. For most of us, our jobs are not something we feel passionate about and yet we spend more energy and time on them (thinking, worrying) as if they are more important than LIFE itself. We are trained from young to aim for `high' positions that we will get respect from, no parents bring up their kids to be happy and kind to people, they all want us to be successful (rich) and then, they believe, we'll be happy then.

This is such an old topic for me, I've thought about it so many times...

Our society respects people who are good at their work, we worship the man who runs a corporate empire, who is responsible for all the great things in the company, their shareholders' pay checks, etc.

And people who are genuinely concerned about people and the environment, are occasionally mentioned in Star Metro pages.

Our system only recognizes people who contributed to the economies, who cares about the ones who help other people?

When I retire from a normal job, that would be when my life starts and when I start to make a difference.

Why not make a difference today?

Today, also can, now part time first la. Next time I can `make difference' full time.

I wish that day come soon.



Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I'm Broke But I'm HAPPY

This is absolutely my favourite Alanis song, Hand In My Pocket. Don't you just love the lyrics and feel so totally connected to the song?

Hand In My Pocket

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

I'm broke but I'm happy (I remember someone commented here there's a difference between pleasure and happiness, right now I guess I can't tell)! I'm a little worried how I will manage next month...pianist fees, pocket money to parents, savings, rent, credit card, gas...festive season expenses (Devians, are we exchanging gifts?), etc.

But I don't care, I know this is going to be one great year end depsite the anxities at work (projects over due, collections not done) and all that, things are going to be exciting!

I'm just so excited to be alive, this very second. I have this `high' that I can't really explain what caused it except it feels so sudden, I have tons of stuff not done and I have very valid reasons to be worried but I'm not....I feel quite mad, really.

I think hard and I came up with these, maybe this sudden surge of excitement and euphoria have something to do with events in my life....

All the exciting events taking place this year end:

1. My first ever vocal/singing exam taking next week, all the preparations SHOULD pay off.

2. My first ever participation in the National Art Song Competition - National Finals on Christmas day in friends and new level of singing.

3. Speed dating on Sunday!

4. Malaysian Kini dinner with SM on Saturday night!!!

5. My dad is going to see my car for the first time in December!!!

6. I had a break-through last night, I was bugged by a negative thought and was really depressed for about two hours but I got out of it all by thinking positive!! Sounds crazy? But it happened to me.

"I really shouldn't wallow so much in this, there are far too many better things to do with my thinking time.",
"The decision is with me, on whether I will be fine or not. It's all up to me, really.",
"I'm really too lucky a person to be be wasting my emotions, time and energy on this."

7. December!! Party time!

8. I had a great recital last week and so many people came to watch me!

9. M Opera said they want me!!!

10. Watching KL Singers with Sin SIm next week!

11. I'm just happy NOW and I'm ok with that.

Sigh, feeling a little dizzy now. Anyone care to share their simple happiness with me? Do tell! Life is too short!



Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Speed Dating

I'm going speed-dating this Sunday!!!! Thanks BB!!!!

Yay! Am excited because:

1. I've heard many horror stories from girlfriends on their speed-dating experiences, so now I can finally be the star of my own horror movie!!

2. Of course, a great opportunity to play dress-up.

3. I like the Tapas at 1919.

4. Meeting 10 (I hope) strange men all in one night...yay!!! A great place to talk till they drop and practise my acting skill.

5. I get to see how many guys buy my `I'm actually from Vietnam and I need to get married fast so that I can get a PR here". -- courtesy of SM.

6. BB will have more scenes and scripts for `Absolute Rubbish', a master piece that she's working on.

I have even decided on my wardrobe!

The Look: Bohemian romantic, sleepy-sloppy-chic with bedroom hair.
Make-up: pale glossy lips with smoky eyes
Attitude: to be confirmed

My colleague Kean says it's a waste of money, for me it's just a fun and unsuspecting way to end the weekend! It's like chatting with strangers on the net except this one you get to see them in person.

Yes BB we are going to have heaps of fun. The thought that there won't be any good pick at speed dating (the reputation, the stories I hear, etc) enable me to relax and know that I will be comfortable.

And if there aren't enough guys to go around, we'll just have to hit on the chicks!!

Now I hope the date is confirmed BB, don't you back out now...


Monday, November 22, 2004

After Glow

Friday's recital was a blast, I'm still glowing from it. It turned out that not only I get to sing, Cris and I got to MC the gig too. I have to say that the MC bit was really fun, I got to talk crap and people sat there and listened. :) Apparently now my Beatrice Looi dress is more famous than me. Beatrice Looi boutique, One Utama, Ground floor, new wing.

Of course Cris proved to be a real natural at MC-ing. I'm glad we did it together, in fact, I'm glad you did most of it. The other fun bit was dressing up with the girls in Seng Tiang's main studio where we fought for the mirror next to the piano. While I panicked, Sook Siah was skilfully applying make-up and Cris slowly sauntering in after her quick bite.

About half an hour before the show started the little lobby of VTM (Vocal Talent Music) turned into a chirpy garden, with Devians (who the hell are they? Arion Yeow actually wrote about them) talking loudly with other guests.

The little hall of VTM was a cosy place for about thirty odd folks. The heavy maroon velvet curtains on stage make all the difference, turning the used-to-be kitchen to a classy little block. Though it was extremely unnerving that with a room full of people, the sound you produce get absorbed a lot by them and that really test your skill. Sin Sim who sang last, showed us what good singing is about.

I still couldn't believe these people turned up,

SM (`Connection Specialist')
CM (Heavy weight conductor)
Eddy Chin (Heavy Weight baritone)
Peter Ong
TB (our CNN network person)

I'm so honoured these folks came, no it wasn't my solo gig but still...THANK YOU.

I luuuuuuurv the stage.

The recital finished in an hour, seven singers with two numbers each, with Cris n I taking turns to talk in between. I believe I'd make a fine (informal) MC if given more training ground (and yes, obnoxious people make good performers/MCs on stage).

No one was leaving after it finished. We hung out, Eddy goofed around but I missed all the jokes because I was juggling talking to YY n gang, listening to SM updating a very hot gossip, changing, pose for cameras, packing and signing autographs (just kidding).

As usual, the noise level we made at the mamak was good enough to tear the roof down (lucky there was none -- open air). I was quite embarrassed by it all but ironically I made a hell lot of noise too. We missed BB, Nic, WL and Evelyn.

I'm all ready for my next gig.

But first I had better pass the exam in December.

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Friday, November 19, 2004

Soiree Musicale

It's happening tonight!!! So excited, my dress is waiting all alone in my car, I got hair stuff, shoes...earrings, blusher all ready for the stage!

"Soiree Musicale"

Singers of tomorrow...(names, come find out their names, all still single)


Liebesboshaft (Schubert)
La Promessa (Rossini)
With Verdure Clad (Hydan)
Dein Ist Mein Ganges Herz (Lehar)
Nina (Scarlatti)
Green Finch and Linnet Bird (Sondheim)
If With All Your Heart Ye Truly Seek Me (Mandelssohn)
Fair House of Joy (Quilter)

Nov 19th, 2004

Vocal Talents Music (VTM)
4C, 2nd floor
Business Centre
Jalan Desa Jaya
Taman Desa off Jalan Kelang Lama
58100 KL
(VTM is located at the shop lot next to Faber Towers and Telekom Tower in Taman Desa, it's two floor up from the Thai restaurant on ground floor)

Tel: 603-7980 8821
012 378 3730

Admission by donation at the door



Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Old Photos

My boss and I were looking through old office photo albums, picking out good ones for our agency to use in the corporate video. It was real work because most photos were boring photographs from major events, projects and bla bla bla.

We found shoots of ourselves here and there, we sat there and laughed at each other. We found an album of pictures from the first staff training I attended after 2001. Everyone in the office were so skinny back then...we looked like kids. Both he and I couldn't put the album down, we like looking at ourselves in old photos and go:

"Wow, man, look at that, I look so young and scrawny hair so different!"
"I was sooo cute and so legs so skinny!!"
"Hahaha, look at XXX, she was actually that cute?"

In a way we kind of like what we saw in the album but no one fancy travel back time and live those moments again.

We've moved on and grown out of those past moments. We have more white hair and more liabilities/responsibilities but we rather have these than going back. I for one, am grateful for what I am today and for what I have today. I'm grateful for my haves and I work on my have-nots. Looking at old photos I'm reminded of what I did not have back then and lord, no way I want to go back there.

I did not have a car and I'm so grateful I have one now, mobility is THE life!
I did not the guts I have today in going on stage to sing.
I did not have the sense of independence I have today.
I did not have the heart to care and love for someone like I do today.
I did not have the level of patience I have today and it has made life a lot easier.
I did not have the fear-not attitude that I'm slowly acquiring through reading, friends' guidance and life experience.

On that note, I quote a para from Po Bronson's [What Should I Do With My Life]:

"Fear is like a wound within our emotions. You heal a fear much like you heal a cut on your finger, you ignore the cut, it will get infected, but it will heal itself if you pay attention to it and give it time. Same with a fear. First, recognize its existence -- what kind of fear is it? Is it fear of poverty, of loneliness, of rejection? Then use common sense. Don't let the fear get infected. Often we burn 70 percent of our emotional energy on what we fear might happen (90 percent of which won't happen). By devoting our energy to other emotions, we will heal naturally."

....I think on a day like this, an entry like this really makes my blog sounds like some new age self-improvement/self-help site...yucks, but I can't help it, I like this shit.

And I shall continue...

I will always look forward to tomorrows. I cherish the memories but I love the challenge tomorrow gives me.



Sunday, November 14, 2004


I'm blogging next to my `addiction', in a cyber cafe....

He said he is like cigarette to me, you know, trying to quit but keep saying to myself "Just one last one before I quit."

I told him I think, if I could quit shopping then I might be able to `quit' him too. I was able to quit some of my pet loves (watching TV, Sex n The City...) but shopping is still by far one of my biggest weakness.

Just before I walked in here I bought one pair of linen trousers with beaded belt and three pairs of earrings (investment in stage jewelry). This morning while hunting for lunch I bought a pair of jeans...on the way to the restaurant. I'm quite helpless in self-control when it comes to buying stuff for myself.

Another addiction is potato chips. The thought of having a bag of Lays in my apartment makes me's great to have Lays (or Ruffles) for those emergency nights.

I can't think of other more visible addictions than these two...of course these days blogging is considered a highly enjoyable activity for me but I don't suppose it qualifies as an addiction yet...maybe writing will soon be an addiction. That will be at least one good addiction I have.

And then of course, I'm addicted to him.


1. Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance: a drug used in the treatment of heroin addiction. An instance of this: a person with multiple chemical addictions.

2. The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something. An instance of this: had an addiction for fast cars.
an abnormally strong craving

3. craving - an intense desire for some particular thing
3. addiction - (Roman law) a formal award by a court sentence of a thing or person to another (as of a debtor to his creditor); a surrender to a master; "under Roman law addiction was the justification for slavery"
award, awarding - a grant made by a law court; "he criticized the awarding of compensation by the court"
jus civile, Justinian code, Roman law, civil law - the legal code of ancient Rome; codified under Justinian; the basis for many modern systems of civil law

Man, I should do something reading about getting rid of addictions. My withdrawal symptons (him) include short term depression, tears, and moodiness. So far due to the high frequency of contact with him, these have been under control except I think too much about it.

He is at some computer games next to me, doesn't look like I'm leaving here anytime soon...



Friday, November 12, 2004

Soiree Musicale

as promised on Wednesday, details for my recital next Friday...

"Soiree Musicale"

presenting three budding sopranos + two tenors

Cristina Yap + Janet Lee (Soul Doc) + Yong Sook Siah
JP Thong + Wei Li


Liebesboshaft (Schubert)
La Promessa (Rossini)
With Verdure Clad (Hydan)
Dein Ist Mein Ganges Herz (Lehar)
Nina (Scarlatti)
Green Finch and Linnet Bird (Sondheim)
If With All Your Heart Ye Truly Seek Me (Mandelssohn)
Fair House of Joy (Quilter)
Hit Me Baby One More Time (encore number, hehe!)

Nov 19th, 2004

Vocal Talents Music (VTM)
4C, 2nd floor
Business Centre
Jalan Desa Jaya
Taman Desa off Jalan Kelang Lama
58100 KL
(VTM is located at the shop lot next to Faber Towers and Telekom Tower in Taman Desa, it's two floor up from the Thai resturant on ground floor)

Tel: 603-7980 8821
012 378 3730

Admission by donation at the door



moving on

To get over him, I need to find something that is more emotionally rewarding than spending time with him.

It's tough I'm sure, I enjoy his company very much. There are other things in life that I find very rewarding, but we always like to share that with someone, a human being, a living thing.

I can imagine getting high by singing my heart in my bedroom but what good is in a voice when others can't share it?

I think distractions work, I need to distract myself from him and focus on other things, other people, I reckon it will require very conscious effort, I wonder if it'll be painful.

I wish I have another person whom I feel as close to as with him. Maybe I cherish our closeness far too much. Maybe I think too much.



Tuesday, November 09, 2004

What Do You Want?

Gopi!!! Drop me a line will you? Same email address as before.

Blogging can be a fantastic mode of keeping in touch with friends, I've received sms, emails, and phone calls from friends as the result of posting here.

These days I can count my number of friends with two hands. No good. Most people I know agree that as your age go up your number friends go down.

~Z said when you start to spend more time with yourself and less hanging with buddies, that's when you know what you want to do with yourself/your life.

I agree to a certain extend. My social life/calendar has gone a lot quieter when I had a `partner'. I was happy and contented, so I go to work, tend to errands, meet close friends occasionally, go auditions, sing, all the `serious' stuff. Calling up old friends and going mamak/yum cha just didn't seem worth my time anymore, then. I was just happy with the smaller circle of people I was seeing, I did less people-related activities and more productive (perceived as productive by me) activities like cleaning up my room, attending rehearsals, getting auditions, going shopping, reading, get the drift la.

But while doing that it didn't mean I knew what I wanted in life. Maybe we don't really know if we really did know what we want till we die.

I was just growing mellow and grown to prefer quiet times, not that I was suddenly enlightened. Since the parting from J's house, I have learned to face issues more openly, or at least I think I have. It's true you know, what people say about hardship/obstacles/set-backs:

"Sometimes life deals us a "set-back" card which may feel like it's taking us a few steps back... but in hindsight, it helps us run faster and gain momentum to jump across the chasm to discover great new things."
- by `untitled' posted on Soul Doctor speaks on 10.12.04

I totally agree with that statement now. I think both J and I are happier (I hope he is really) now, life has a funny way of taking care of things.

Now I spend more time thinking about the times when I was distracted at work and how I would like to move on at work. I think about saving more money, and afford to give a bit more to parents, I think about how I'm singing better now and where this singing is taking me.

I also hope to schedule more time to see a few people I haven't seen for ages, and I remember they used to inspire me.

Also, I should make use of the swimming pool at my place more...


Monday, November 08, 2004

Ge Yue Jie - PESTA MUZIK KL Ke-38

CM and I went to [Pesta Muzik Kuala Lumpur Ke-38]. Hehe, sounds like something you might be watching on RTM1? Dead wrong, [Pesta Muzik Kuala Lumpur Ke-38] or `Ge Yue Jie' was organised by, get ready for this: Pertubuhan Waitankung Dan Neitankung Malaysia (sorry, I too don't know what it is) and its co-organisers were SIXTEEN Chinese choirs in KL.

We got to know about the festival from two very established young divas (Sin Sim and Evelyn T), who performed at the festival. Lasted three days at the Thien Hou Temple in Seputeh, CM and I decided to attend both the Opening night where Evelyn would be singing and the closing ceremony where Sin Sim sang.

I guess it was an eye-opener for both CM and myself.

One thing you have to, you just have to, take your hat off to the Chinese art community is that they are VERY united, very the `community' and gotong-royong spirit. Just imagine putting close to twenty organisations together for an event like this.

The other things to expect at event like this is the appearance, and packaging of the event...all quite unpolished. BOTH the audience and performers aren't exactly the most graceful bunch (except for the guest of honour, the lady MC and of course, CM). The conductors herded the choir singers like cows on stage, the stage hands who took their time with setting up, mobile phones were going off during performances at every fifteen minutes, singers who took up the floor space and ruffled with their plastic bags, both audience and performers off stage talked loudly, audience peeling candy wrappers in the performance, conductors who waved to the audience instead of's a very long list.

But the show had its moments and boy was I glad I went to a Chinese school...the opening night kicked off with the guest of honour's (Mdm Chen-something JSM) very well-written speech, followed by the signature sounding of the Chinese Gong.

You really have to be a real music lover to sit through this one. The hall was freezing, there was no intermission and the choral singing could get pretty horrendous sometimes, but you will love all the singers for their spirit (though it wasn't showing much in most of them). There were a handful of senior citizen choirs and CM just love singling out the cute ones (70-year-old grannies swinging their heads to the songs). The other were `youth choirs' where two-third of their members were grannies or grandpas.

Being the language purist, CM cringed through the whole of Friday performance, at the few songs performed in English, also how English titles were announced by the MCs...I couldn't make out the words myself.

The consolation has got to be watching Evelyn doing the Czech aria [Song to the Moon] from Rusalka AND the eating-out after the show. SS, CM, Evelyn and I trotted down to Jalan Alor for Taiwanese supper.

Again on Sunday night CM and I braved the stormy skies to Thien Hou Temple. We dressed for the closing ceremony (the organiser thought I was performing that night) and dutifully took the third row seats again.

The outstanding group that evening was this all male group who sang a dynamic piece entitled `Huan Le de Na Ta Mu' (The Happy Na-Ta-Mu). Having had too much bad experience with male co-singers, both CM and I were surprised by the talent in that group. They sounded good.

SS took the stage in her bony-ass later and shook the hall with her powerful rendition of Catalani's [Ebben? ne andro lontana]. Her nick name is Chilipadi, dun pray pray...

Of course not forgetting was the unforgettable performance of Ku-Zheng (breath-taking Chinese instrument) with accompliment of the grand piano and Chinese drums n percussions. The balance of instruments was simply, beautiful.

In a nutshell, it was fun and I'm glad I went. Thank you CM for the rides!

I can't believe I just bitch so much about the show....I have my own recital coming up in less than two weeks!!!!!!

It's about ten times smaller in scale, my recital. It's being organised in preparation for my exams in will be at my coach's new singing centre (Taman Desa), the hall could seat about, thirty at the most?

If you hate my guts in the bitching department, you have to check out my guts (or balls) on stage.

So mark your diary, Nov 19, ME singing.

More details tomorrow.


Friday, November 05, 2004

general insecurities n such

The dinner-photo party at CM's was a blast. My salad was a hit (to me).

We had conversations on religion, musicianship, music cultures, academic issues, college degrees, language barrier...I was alive and kicking the sugar in my head.

But it's moments like coming to office early in the morning, doing my regular browsing of others' blogs, reading women magazines, about YOUNG women (late twenties and above) who are single and living it out that suddenly make me stop in my track, and my heart string pulls a little.

I realise don't want to be alone.

I've never spent so much time thinking about my market value, as an employee, as well as a woman with clocks (biological, mental...etc) ticking.

It's scary la.

It is moments like this I feel that I could hear the tiny cracks in self-esteem. I'm 27, employed, outgoing and intelligent, sometimes confused, no college degree, I think I'm attractive, not very enterprising, selective-self-starter, haven't dated another man other my ex for more than two years, haven't been in the social (networking, NOT hanging out with close friends) scenes for ages.

I wonder how long would I last, as...I don't know how to describe it but I hope you get the drift. No? Then read on.

I think I just worry too much but somehow this society I'm in makes me feel that my worries are valid. Every few months this thought will come haunt me: how much longer can stay in a position (working) like mine? How would I move up the social ladder (think financial ladder, more like) in years to come if my capabilities stay stagnant? How far would this kind of `working experience' take me as I age? Soon I will be what some people call `over-the-hill' and I still don't have a degree, by then everyone would have at least one crappy something degree...

We see discrimination in the work place everyday. A single-middle-age-degree-less-female just doesn't seem like a hot cake to anyone. I'm talking in my sector's context -- bloody corporate.

Thinking objectively, I think I have a few options for action:

I have to stop obsessing over this degree thing...I should analyse how essential is a degree/paper qualification in work

I have to get out of this industry. Yes, I have to start doing what I do better and get paid for it....but for a start I have to manage with a pay-cut, can I manage a huge pay cut?

And that's just the insecurity about money.

Damn. You see I don't feel like this about myself everyday. I consider myself quite a confident person but I wonder if my confidence is REAL, solid. Maybe I'm a confident social person but I know my insecurities well.

This is just a rambling of thoughts and's useless if all I do is talk about it. I better start doing something about it. I don't know what yet.

I see how I have digressed, from `I don't want to be alone' to 'I don't have a degree'. But won't you agree with me that it's all inter-related. For most of us, our jobs (yes, the one that pays your rent) say something about us and most of us take it seriously because of the money factor. We need to be recognized for our achievements at work to feel confident in the social it or not, we are judged by friends, family, and others on how well we do at work, even though work is only PART of your life. If work is all you are, then you have not lived at all.

Oh ya, I think it takes a lot of gut (and ego, and silliness) to talk about yourself like this on the internet. I don't what's got into me.


Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Holiday with Sunny

I thought I'd give my Sunny a much deserved test run to Taiping this holiday, with my brother as the `test-drive passenger'.

Lunch with office mates, conversations revolved round strategic travelling during the Deepavali-Raya weekend. According to two of them, if you are planning to a Malacca trip form KL and want to avoid traffic, start driving round 5am. Too bad if all of you decided to take this advice, then the roads will get congested round 5am, hahaha!

Coming back to Sunny going to Taiping. Was so worried that he would die on me on the highway, I took him to MK (my smart-ass but honest mechanic) on Monday, just for re-assurance that the car will survive the trip there and back. His men replaced my air-con thermostat (is that how it's spelled?) and checked the engine oil, water...and whatever else needed checking.

Since it was raining heavily, my driver seat door was leaking as usual. So we (I had the honour of J's company to the workshop) took Sunny to the nearby car accessory shop, the same one who sold me their car-seat covers.

So I got them to order the `door rubber'. That took about one and half hours to arrive, so I stuffed my face with nasi lemak while waiting.

Under J's advice I got them to replace those plastic thingy on top of the four know the `roof' that stops rain from running straight in your eyes if you happen to be winding down your window when it rains.

Also got them to replace the broken number plate, it survived months with duct tape holding it up.

Then the shop owner try to sell us more things. He did a pretty good job.

So I got a brand new ceiling carpet, with an `Ah Beng' florescent room lamp. J tried to talk me into taking the blue color lamp (Ah Beng x 3), to match my pale blue car....of course I picked the white one.

When I went back yesterday to have the ceiling fixed, the owner tried to sell me:

1. Central locking system
2. Car polish and wax
3. Sun shade stickers
4. Change air-con

I called Mom today, apparently she already knew about my plan of driving home with brother, sneakily. She told me to save the trip (and toll money, gas money, etc) for this and wait for her trip down to KL with Dad next month, to the GRAND (opposite of that la) opening of sister's music school/centre.

Actually it would be quite a relief to my wallet if I skipped this Raya trip in my Sunny. I could easily save about 500 bucks (include pocket money for old folks) or more. I can give money when they come down to KL...and drive them round in Sunny.

That would be lovely. I picture myself picking up my old folks from Puduraya in my newly polished and sweet smelling Sunny Boy, they would marvel at my driving skills and go woo and aah at my powerful air-con, and they would comment how new and clean this 21-year-old car look.

Not many people appreciate my attachment to this old car. My doctor downstairs suggested I replace this one with a Kancil or Kelisa. Never, I would never replace this Sunny with anything smaller...Kancils are for little girls (except you Nic!), I'm too good for a Kancil, even if it's brand new and given to me. I don't pay instalment for this car, every cent I spend on it will mean how good it runs later, which transform into mobility for me.

No regrets, it's the best thing I've bought.


Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I know what you did last Friday

I don't think anyone figured `me' out on Friday night. I guess it's a tricky that it's over.

Anyway, the cast list:

Z - Gypsy Rose The Fortune Teller
BB - Elvira
C - Lady Croft
Nic - The Witch
me - The Prostitute (whom no one figured out)

CT chicken out, too tired...she said.

We commute in the cool mobile - Z's Beatle, complete with cool sound system and party music. Arrived fashionably late (about two hours after the party started), we found the bungalow in Ampang Hilir...parked Beatle on the grass, looked up to admire the bloody corpse hung just above our car, from this tall handsome tree.

The folks at the entrance were quite `festive' looking instead of eerie. There were at least five very tall drags let loose and running about. One of them being R, the macho-bearded `Cheerleader' who invited BB who invited us. Snow White was a skinny bugger who couldn't stop tossing his black hair in our faces..., a cow who couldn't get his head gear right so half the time his cow-head was up-side down, a fat Jason X dancing half-naked in the hall, arriving later than us were more girls, two of them decided to share costumes -- remember that Japanese school-girl chick who was Lucy Liu (O-Ren Ishii)'s side kick? Anyway nothing too interesting in those girls because they all looked too pretty and cute, HELLO blondes! It's Halloween costume do, not your regular Jalan Telawi backyard party!

Gypsy Rose decided that on one should call her Rose at the party. She was the only one with REAL walking shoes - slippers.

Lady Croft thought her English accent was too Australian. She too wore shades at night. She missed her guns.

The Witch came complete with her in-law's bloom and a pair of old shoes with fungus (later that night she walked all over Jalan Telawi with her hat and shoe soles that gave way from Ampang, that was quite a sight)

Elvira got stares while she try to stay un-naked, her red dress was really low cut and the FRONT slit is quite high --- you guys missed out big time!

Me, I forgot to adjust my wig so I was sluttily dressed but had a geeky hairdo (fringe too thick and too high!!).

Ok la, the party was not too hot because somehow on one was into mingling that night, we did chat with the cow, Snow White, the Lee with great make-up (BB what was G dressing as?)...those losers who got in without costumes, the pussy-cat/bar-tender and...that's it.

My highlights of the night were:

- walking into Elvira's bedroom and the girls gave me approving look of my make-up.

- downing Starbuck's Caesar salad with extra cheese after the party (no longer have to `jaga' my lip-gloss)

- making faces at the cars next to Beatle on the way to Ampang Hilir

- snapping photos at `us'

so that was it, the debut of my first fishnet stockings.