Runs on food and music, will sing for chips and pasta.

Monday, January 31, 2005


Oops I did it again -- overspending. I bought clothes that I won't be wearing for CNY back in Taiping (too black, neckline too low, etc) and some vain books on fashion and beauty.

But I did get my SUNNY waxed and polished to meet my parents in Taiping for CNY.

These days I wish I could skip going back to Taiping for CNY, every year. There's nothing about going back during the holiday that excites me. The weather would be too hot and the traffic horrendous. My mom would try to make everything perfect for a week while we are around, and I have to struggle to look decent for my mom's Taiping friends.

It would be lovely if my parents could spend CNY in KL with me, when the roads are quieter and air less polluted. I can drive them around to see KL and show them it's not a scary place once you get to know it, man....I can even take them on the trains just for fun.

....KL is now having the storm before the calm next week. I envy folks who get to hang around KL next week. Bliss.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

International Cult Favourite

I'm reading [How I Became Stupid] by Martin Page (translated by Adriana Hunter, from French).

There are a few bits I like immediately already when I was in my first page, but the one I will share here is in chapter three, on why taking your life is the only way to freedom:

(page 41-42)

There is censure against suicide. Political, religious, social, even natural censure, because Mother Nature doesn't like us taking liberties with her, she wants to keep us in her clutches to the very end, she wants to decide for us. Who decides about our death? We've delegated that supreme freedom to illness, accidents, and crime. We call it fate. But that's wrong. This so-called fate is the subtle will of society, which gradually poisons us with its pollution, massacring us with wars and accidents...This is how society determines the dates of our deaths from what we eat, how dangerous our daily environment is, and from our work and living conditions. We don't choose to live, we don't choose what language we speak, what country or what age we live in, what tastes we have, we don't choose our lives. Our only freedom is death; death means finding freedom.

(page 59)

Men simplify the world with words and thoughts, and that's how they create their certainties; and having certainty is the most potent pleasure in this world, far more potent than money, sex, and power all combined. Renouncing true intelligence is the price we have to pay for having these certainties, and it's an expenditure that never gets noticed by the bank of our minds. In this instance, I actually prefer those who don't huddle behind the cloak of reason, and come out and admit that his faith is just own belief and not preemption on the truths of this world.

There's a Chinese proverb that goes something along these lines: a fish never knows when it's pissing. The same applies perfectly well to intellectuals. An intellectual is convinced of his own intelligence because he's using his brain. A mason used his hands, but he too has a brain that can say, "Hey! That wall's not straight and, anyway, you've forgotten to put the cement between the breeze blocks." There's a dialogue between his hands and his mind. The intellectual who works within his mind doesn't have that dialogue; his hands pipe out and say, "Come on, man, you've really goofed up! The earth is round." The intellectual doesn't have that distance, that discrepancy, so he thinks he has or can have an enlightened view on very subject.

Go figure.



Retail therapy?

I have always known this...but,

Have you noticed how bad customer service can get in a designer boutique? Ok, I shall rephrase that, have you noticed how bad customer service can get in the retail sector?

SM and I went out and surveyed the scene last night around Bukit Bintang, of course, what do you know, like the Chinese saying, the store hands/attendants/sales-persons were pouring profits down the drains. We were at the famous 1st floor Sungai Wang's glitzy local designers' row, where some of the more well-known local designers' masterpieces reside. Most boys and girls who work in those little stores are bored air heads who couldn't sell a packet of kuaci to save their lives, let alone selling a dress that cost RM1,800.

Working in a boutique selling beautiful clothes to people is still one of many things that I hope to do, and those air-heads with coloured hair, studs on their faces and fashionable clothes are just so uninspiring.

Sure, sure, we know they are just hired help, not just any ordinary hired help, but unenthusiastic, bored, de-motivated, slightly dumb and very un-ambitious.

Wow, now am I a bitch or am I a bitch?

I'm not trying to offer any profound insights or anything....just some observation. You may say, the reasons why services are so fucked up in the retail sector, because,

1. these airheads with pierced noses are hired help and not the owners so they sure can't and won't show the same enthusiasm as the owner

2. if they can offer slightly better service than what they are doing, they wouldn't be where they are....

3. maybe it's SM and me, maybe we don't come across as potential customers with dough to spend

Anyway SM noted to herself to apply lipstick the next time she hits the stores....probably never!

You know what is the worst thing in this? The fact that we Malaysians are used to less than desired, mediocre to bad customer service, that's the worst thing. By putting up with 2nd class service, we are allowing the situation to stay bad and 2nd class. To my fellow Malaysians, when I make a complaint about the wrong food they bring me in the restaurant, I'm being difficult and `asking for it' when the waiter ignore my complaints. To them, I'm supposed to be `Asian' and therefore, nice, and take the wrong orders in good heart and just wallop it anyway even though I don't like cockles in my curry laksa.

So anyway, SM and I ended up tired and hungry in Desa Sri Hartamas. We slumped into the chairs of this incredibly quiet Thai fusion restaurant (Manggon 1881) next to a very noisy and crowdy pub called Home And Away. In that unassuming and quiet restaurant, we got the best service we had the whole evening. We were attended to the minute we stepped in, and orders were taken quickly, drinks arrived super fast (yes there was only one other table occupied but I swear I have been to other restaurants where I could be the only customer and still my ice lemon tea could take forever to arrive) and the food was tasty.

What a nice feeling when you get good service in an outlet. To end this on a happier note, let's make a list of retail outlets that we know have slightly decent (to very good) service in KL

Here's my list, feel free to give me your list...

Manggon 1881
Eastin Hotel coffee house
Caring pharmacy
Zuup (Soup & Pasta in One Utama, LG level)
Pasta Connection (my fave restaurant, now closed)
Cafe 18-19 Century


Monday, January 24, 2005

Saturday At The Workshop

My mechanic is a funny guy when I'm around. Last Saturday I had to spend three and a half hours at his workshop with his class of rugged looking men in oily suits.

The usual session of servicing my old boy Sunny is under two hours, with the routine check and change of engine oil, water level, etc. But on Saturday they found leaking brake oil plug and that, coupled with other works, took three and a half hours.

The first hour I buried myself in my trashy The Devil Wears Prada, and probably dozed off for a good ten minutes. Then I woke up to make a few calls...took a walk outside the comfy air-conditioned waiting room and found Sunny has been de-tyred, I asked my mechanic if that is the usual routine and he said only at every fourth round session of regular car service.

The rest of the afternoon saw me walking from one end of the workshop to another, sometimes I sat in front of the other only part of the workshop that is air-conditioned -- the office, and talked to anyone who cared to give me educational small talks on car maintenance. Closer to the third hour, I met a friendly one, Yvonne whose car was overheated. We both agree that most female drivers in the city are in need of a proper workshop on car maintenance.

I pestered the two mechanics (my mechanic and his brother, also a mechanic in that workshop, duh) the whole afternoon and learned many things. Some of the topics covered were:

Continental cars vs Japanese cars - the design of a Continental car heating system is the cause of many overheated European cars in a hot hellish place like KL. Of course, many still favour Mat Salleh cars for their great performance for long distance travel, road-gripping and noise proof feature.

Exhaust pipe, I saw one lying around so I asked what exhaust pipes are for and got my answer explained using the methodology of our anatomy.

"So how come some cars got black or white smokes?"

"That's when the car has problem in the combustion process, the explosion process is not completed, you know like when you eat something bad and then you have the black smokes la."

I got a free second hand spare tyre to replace my old one, lying in the boot since the day I got Sunny. I learned that a `tube' is something you put inside of a normal tyre when there are cracks in the tyre; if you have a `tube-tyre', you need to pump air every two weeks. A normal tyre can survive a nail on the road for about ten days whereas a tyre with tube will see a flat tyre within five minutes.

Also seeing that I didn't have a cross bar (he called it the Ultra Man thingy) in the car, my mechanic ordered one for me and had me try out using it. I managed to loosen two bolts and tightened them back, I didn't even have to stand on the bar to turn and tighten the nuts.

He showed me how to use the car jack, while he assumed my father probably doesn't know how to change a tyre. Honestly I don't know whether my dad could change a tyre on his own but I sure know I can drive better than him...can't wait to show my old man what I've learned in the big bad city of KL when I go home.



Thursday, January 20, 2005

Pleasure and conscience

March 11-14 - staff trip (Perth? Saigon? Hong Kong?)
March 12 & 13 - east coast beach cleaning and children science camp

Torn between pleasure and conscience. If I opt to skip the all-paid for holiday with office mates, sadly, I will need to show up in an empty office to work when I come back from my noble beach-cleaning trip in Rantau Abang, while my colleagues vacation in some exotic place.

If I skipped the beach cleaning and science camp, I won't get to see those children get an education in beach-side camping, staying up to star-gaze, make little experiments, tasting Encik Razali's wife's cooking, clean beach and swim in the sea.


....planning to skip the company trip (sounds stupid to some in the office that I would consider skipping weekend holiday to go to dirty beach with some screaming kids) wouldn't do I found out, because the rest of the office would have to postpone the trip if I'm not going, waaa, pressure, all eyes on me.

Saigon or Rantau Abang?

Star-gazing or shopping?

Screaming children or crazy tourists?


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Chat Rooms & Frienships

Am sure most of us have at least heard of one person we know (or our friends' friends) who met their prince charming/husband/girlfriend/wife through the internet.

Gee, how the hell they do that?

I just had my horrofying 20 minutes in some public chat rooms. People there are maniacs and bored dump-asses (unlike me), how the hell you meet someone to marry in those places?

OK, maybe there are other better place to meet new a hobby yahoogroup or a forums. Is it so?

I have never made any new friends through the net before. And I saw no decent human beings in those chat rooms...all they want to know is your AGE, GENDER, LOCATION, and they will try thier chances on just anyone, I'm sure, to click at the porn links they typed in the chat rooms.

My pool of `activity-friends' have gone down in size since....I had a romantic relstionship, and since I got busy with singing.

Actually, if we all have the luxury of hobbies, and decent jobs, and really good books, cable TV, a few close friends...who needs new friends? I guess you need to grow your pool of friends for future use, when you have exhausted your current pool of friends, or maybe when they leave you to greener pastures (mariagges, children, citizenship in another country, etc). Of course the best thing to do is to rotate your groups of friends, keep them fresh and on-going, then you won't have that worry of running low on them.

Speaking of that, I would like to share one of my favourite articles from my favourite writer and his take on the topic of friends: I need to replenish my supply of friends

Or maybe you can find friends in nature (stars and trees, birds and bees), books, music, gardening, craft-making, charity and community work...

Oh, ya, so does anyone know how to find a romantic partner in the cyber space? what site do I go to?



Monday, January 17, 2005

So Lucky

SM always introduced me as her best friend to most people, it's really nice. That day I met Wendy, a property agent through her and as usual, SM introduced me as her best friend and Wendy said: "Waaa, so nice one, got BEST friend one..."

I think Wendy is right, I do feel lucky that I have a best friend. Good thing she reminded me of that.

Other things we shouldn't take for granted:

Our parents
Running water
Nice bosses
Nice restaurants
Guardian stores
Our health
Our siblings
our brain
that people understand what you're saying



Wolf whistle

How come no women magazine has written on this one? What do men get from openly ogle at women?

"Waa ah moi banyak lawa hari ini.."
"Pergi mana leng loi?"
"...I love you miss, phone number?"
"Lawa awak punya spec, mana beli?"
"Hi miss, how are you? Where are you going?"

We all know certain group of men do it, not all guys. I just can't figure out what they get out of it. I mean, most women I know don't react or respond to any of that, so if the men are hoping to get a kick from the women's reaction, they aren't getting then what could be bloody satisfying about chatting up a strange woman walking past you and doesn't blink when you saying something `romantic' to her?

You smart people out there tell me. Don't ask me how I dress or how I walk, just tell me what men get out of it?


Friday, January 14, 2005

Breathe, think, sleep, eat....FASHION

I read about fashion, think about fashion, I breathe fashion, eat fashion, sleep fashion (satin silk lingerie slip?).

But I work in a IT corporate world?

It's ok, you can't have everything, the secret is to be happy with what you have NOW.

But, I'm in a production all about fashion, and music. How cool is that?

And my weekend homework is to establish a character who lives in the backstage of an international fashion show...I could be:

A designer
A make-up artist
A wardrobe assistant
A model
A photographer
A fashion journalist
A runner
A coffee maker
A caterer
A fashion magazine editor
A pop star
A model's girlfriend

And I'm supposed to have designers' first name at the tip of my my heavy investment on fashion magazines on these years never look this good.

This is going to be one busy weekend....breath, eat and sleep fashion!



Thursday, January 13, 2005

Amazing week

Staff trip postponed. Bummer..but the good thing is I won' be blowing a fortune on shopping overseas.

Goody, maybe I might even have enough to save more this month...but by end of this month I better get a new recorder to record rehearsals.

It's been an amazing week so far, I have been staying in the evenings for the past three nights -- nice. Do laundry, make dinner, sing, read, long showers....

It's nice to have your solitary when you are young and able, but what happens when you are aged and diseased? IW said what's the point of a partner if he or she is only there to make sure you don't drop dead in the middle of the night and have your neighbor finds you two weeks later? Surely a partner should be more than just your old-age caretaker....


Go figure, topic of the day: fear of old age.


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Are you Up-shifting or Down-shifting your life?

"I'm trying to down-shift my life now, not up-shifting it." said a glowing SM.

1 entry found for upshift.

up·shift ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pshft)
intr.v. up·shift·ed, up·shift·ing, up·shifts

To shift a motor vehicle into a higher gear.

1 entry found for downshift.
down·shift ( P ) Pronunciation Key (dounshft)
v. down·shift·ed, down·shift·ing, down·shifts
v. intr.
To shift a motor vehicle into a lower gear.
To reduce the speed, rate, or intensity of something.
To simplify or reduce one's expectations or commitments, especially in work hours: “28 percent said that they had downshifted and voluntarily cut back on their income in some way... to reflect changes in priorities” (Carey Goldberg).

"Maybe I'm not as ambitious as I thought I am." SM

We were talking about someone leaving a big local telco, from its media relations department where according to this journalist at lunch, attractive single women work up to ten pm few days in a roll, and another person they know works till three in the morning, regularly.

Most people we know in this part of the world are up-shifting our working schedule still...our counterparts in the developed economies are however, working less. I don't know how long it will take us to get there but it sure is a nice thought. Imagine you actually HAVE A LIFE besides your work. Isn't sad to think that your life revolves around your work?

Maybe the same can't be said about people who have their passions as their careers.

SM gave me a book during lunch, Lauren Weisberger's The Devil Wears Prada. I think it's one of those novels I can finish in a few days. About a chick who seems to have the best job in the world (in the biggest fashion magazine) --- who quits to save her soul. Haha.

Go figure.



2005 is the year!

I left my apartment at 8:10am, got to office at 9:15am. What is usually a 15-minute stretched to an hour. Feeling a little grouchy, my eyes were smarting from the drive and the morning sun...and headache.

But the good news of the day/year is: He proposed to her this morning!


I only managed a sedated Congrats on the phone with her when she called to break the good news...nursing my god-damned headache.

A whole new world...I can't wait for all the buzz after this, the wedding, the parties.

I can already picture her new home, full of greens and friends, bead bags, his robots, big windows with wind-chimes and ultra-man toy. And then there's me, lounging out on the sofa...taking in the smell of mushroom pasta and broccoli from the kitchen.

Today will be a good day, headache or not.



Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Bunch of Stuff

I met two guys from this Taiwanese company today, Tsunami Technology (M) Sdn Bhd. They sell computer accessories. Just thought I let you know. The company was set up in early 2004.

Seems likely I will be going to Manila next weekend, for five days. What's good in Manila? Shopping? Photo walk? Anyone been there?? What's the exchange rate?

CNY is coming, again. Somehow I hate CNY lately....the thought of going home to a whole bunch of traffic in my home town....what I enjoy is lazing around at home with mom and watching soaps on NTV 7. Of course there will be endless dish-washing, going out in my dad's Datsun, though I'm hoping to bring my Sunny Boy home. That would be the ultimate home-coming for me, driving my car round Taiping, at the lakes, to the school, to the public library the market, show off my driving to my parents, grin*.

Speed dating got postponed again, my excitement is wearing thin. I hope to wear my red fishnet stockings before I finally get to go, I've paid already you know...I should at least get to taste the food there.

Shit hungry...pasta or maggi mee tonight?? Supper: HL milk.


Monday, January 10, 2005

Wassup Doc

My GP says my headache for the past three days are caused by the sniffles n sinus problems I've been having for tallied with the other symptoms I have.

Rheumatism? Drink milk, two glasses a day to meet the one thousand ml quota.

Eat lots of vege n fruits. Take your Vit C and multivites.

Clean your sheets regularly, sun the bed protector, vacuum, rid of the dust-mites that cause sniffles.

I love that doc, she is so thorough and patient...

But I have been going to the doctor in the past one year more often than I have in my whole life. It's so not funny.

She comforted, saying maybe lately (one year) I have been tiring myself and not taking care of things.

And she assured me I don't have a brain tumor...and the headache is not TSS.

OK-la, HL Milk here I come....


Friday, January 07, 2005

Tsunami & Clothes

Received some disturbing photos in email this morning, of the Tsunami victims. Sitting at my air-conditioned work station staring at those washed-up-bloated dead bodies of my fellow humans, has quite an effect on me on a Friday morning...gets you thinking, it could be me out there in the sea. Makes me realized how precious, wonderful and fragile this life is, I really shouldn't think about shopping so much. When you are out there in sea, what you wear before you die really makes no difference....your clothes will be washed away and people who find you in two days' time will only have memories of your naked fat and bloated stomach, faced mashed up and...'nuf said.

This is how I will be remembered. I love clothes.

Chill down my spines....

I really shouldn't buy clothes for a while now, it's creepy.



Thursday, January 06, 2005

The Girls @ 1919

(one day, janet, one day you will be are doing fine, patience)

Me: Z, I'm just a pop singer, aren't I?

~Z: You are what you think you are, at a very base level.

Me: I don't mind being a pop singer, as long as I can do it well and people like my stuff. But I agree with you on you are what you think you are.

~Z: *can* do jazz. Jazz is a journey that doesn't really end, ya know?






Live & Swingin' at The Piano Bar @ 1919 Bistro & Wine Bar

Every Saturday starting 8th January, 9:30pm, 11:00pm

Special appearance by THE PIANO BOYS every last Saturday

Allow us to be frank. There's nothing like swinging when you're winning. And so The Piano Bar @ 1919 Bistro & Wine Bar is proud to present a whole new series of performances for dinner theatre audiences and late-night music lovers that will take you on a journey through time and love. It's what you've been waiting for, so come on.

Every Saturday starting 8th January, The Piano Bar @ 1919 Bistro will present a completely new show dedicated to singers and songwriters from a special age and genre, with some old songs and some new songs, some borrowed and some blues songs.

From ragtime to jazz, from big band to swing, each show will cast the finest and favourite nightclub standards of:

a.. THE RAT PACK, featuring the cool recordings of Frank Sinatra, Dean
Martin and Sammy Davis Jr
b.. THE GAY CABARET, with priceless party pieces from Judy Garland, Liza
Minelli and Barbra Streisand
c.. THE TIN PAN ALLEY songwriters, including Cole Porter, George Gershwin
and Irving Berlin
d.. THE LEADING LADIES, a homage to jazz legends such as Ella Fitzgerald,
Peggy Lee and Billie Holiday
e.. THE CHORUS LINE, a tribute to the ultimate Broadway and West End
f.. THE GREAT AMERICAN SONGBOOK, a dazzling parade from the likes of Nat
King Cole and his peers
g.. and so much more!

Channelling the spirits of all these artistes are five of Kuala Lumpur's standout vocalists - vivacious jazzbird MICHELLE NUNIS, stunning actress IDA MARIANA, the ever elegant SUZAN MANEN, the leading lady of musicals CHEONG WHYE MUN and the supreme IZLYN RAMLI. Putting it all together is none other than the maestro himself LLEWELLYN MARSH.

Buoyant and exhuberant, or plaintive and remorseful, each show will add a swing to your weekend. Soak up the heat as they fire up the night with torch songs and late-night confessionals. Or whoop it up as they work the room with their swaggering brew of comic camaraderie and vocal bravado.

And watch out for THE PIANO BOYS as they make a special guest appearance every last Saturday of the month!

Good music, good food, good company, a great time!

1919 Bistro & Wine Bar
44 Jalan Pudu Lama, KL 50200
Phone 03 2072 7960
Times: Tue-Sun, 6PM-12MN

The Piano Bar: Reservations recommended. Priority seating to diners. Last order at 11pm. Non-diners have a minimum two-drink charge.

Getting there: From Raja Chulan, exit at Bukit Nanas or KLSE and into Persiaran Maybank (behind Menara Maybank) which merges into Pudu Lama. 1919 is down the street from the Indian temple. Free parking available.


Wednesday, January 05, 2005


HSBC telemarketer (HSBC): Good afternoon Ms Janet, we are calling you to thank you for supporting our bank for using a HSBC credit card holder.

Me: *groan* mmmmm

HSBC: May I introduce our latest offering?

Me: *groan* If you are selling something then no, I'm not interested; if you are giving me money, then yes.

HSBC: .....ok, it's a protection plan.

Me: What protection?

HSBC: It's a road accident protection plan.

Me: Huh? HSBC sells insurance now?

HSBC: 'Mdm, we only offers this package to HSBC credit card users.

Me: what is it?

HSBC: It's a RM 125,000 refundable protection plan that covers you in Malaysia and outside of Malaysia, at a fixed premium of only RM 21 per month.

Me: Refund? What's the difference between reimbursement and refund?

HSBC: Refund here means if you don't claim anything from the insurance, 30% of the paid premium will be returned to you, every five years.

Me: (punching numbers on calculator) you mean in five years' time after I have paid about RM 1,260 in insurance premium I will get back RM 378 if nothing happens to me?

HSBC: Yes mdm. If you are interested we can send over the completed policy papers to you in two weeks.

Me: Papers? Don't you need my signature on any forms or anything?

HSBC: No mdm, as this is a hassle-free insurance plan, you can confirm your registration on the phone?

Me: What? Well, how would you know that you are talking to the card-holder on the phone? What if I'm someone else posing as Janet?

HSBC: Mdm, we got your name and mobile number from the card department so it's quite safe.

Me: But we are on the phone you don't know I am!

HSBC: If you are proceeding with the plan we will pass this call to the verification unit to verify your ID.

Me: I see, well, ok, sounds fair, can you call me again tomorrow so that I have one day to think about this?

HSBC: ....would you like to proceed mdm?

Me: Can you call me tomorrow?

HSBC: *Hang up phone* Thank you mdm, bye.

That's why I'd hate to be a telemarketer. The job makes you do idiotic things to strangers.


Shopping n Dating


Remember my new year resolution in the previous post? Well I went out yesterday and blew more from my bank account. I shall declare my need for professional help....

I need to stop thinking owning that pair of chic new shoes will make me a happier person....arrrgh, but it does! So? Maybe start switching to other `happy buttons' like watching movies, reading. No no no, I'm happy watching movies and reading in my new wardrobe.


This is wrong. The rest of the world is gathering aid to help the needy and people are dealing with terminal diseases and deaths and what am I doing? Deciding what makes me tick? focus is so insensitive. But but but, I'm only being sensitive to myself? What's wrong with making myself happy?? Is that being selfish? BTW have you read the book [The Selfish Gene]?

This is the my heads (conscience and MYself) talking, they have been confronting each other for a while now...I guess I need external help.

OK, maybe the key is moderation, practice the act of balancing. Also, I need to lay off MNG n Zara sale, I need to be more creative with my current wardrobe, clean some old shoes, repair some skirts, alter a few trousers and viola, a fresh wardrobe.


I witnessed the marriage signing (is that what is called? or is it registration?) of Alex n Rose. Justin n I were the ironic witnesses. Dressed in my fuchsia pink dress with lacy neckline and stilettos, I think I nearly upstage the bride, lucky for me Rose is one cool chick she didn't bat an eye lid.

Everyone says I'm on the losing end, spending time with him. We are doing what couples do except to him, I'm not his `steady girlfriend'. Since I know he's not seeing anyone now, I don't see what I have got to lose. Of course, I understand what people mean, there is no security or commitment to what we have right now. He can walk out of my life and start screwing another woman because officially we're not attached to each other.

I guess that's why both he and I (maybe more for him) are skeptical of the worldly `official attachment'. No one belongs to anyone and nobody can attach themselves to anyone if the other party is not willing. What is `forever' in this fast-changing world and gee, who knows what happens the next minute? Apart from getting his insurance money, assets that will be signed on to a man's legal and lawful wife, what can she do to capture his heart? Nothing, you can't chain a man's heart.

You can love him and hope he returns your love. My friend on loving:

But I will say this: He has held me, and cried on my shoulder. I've cried on his, because he's so confused. He's no more happier now, than when he left me behind. And what can I do? I am, and always will be his best friend. And I've made the conscious decision to accept that it might not go further than that. But he needs me emotionally, and I've come to accept that where he's concerned, my feelings have no boundaries.

So I'm going to hold his hand, and walk him through this relationship. And if he leaves her, I'm not going to be the one pushing him into it. It's a huge risk. And one I have to accept the cost of. I am a mother. And I am a wife. To fight with tooth and nail isn't what the situation calls for.

I realized that this morning...where I stand. Where I choose to stand. So, I'm going to put my jealousy in the backseat, and let my heart drive me. And my heart says he needs a friend. I will be that friend...but god, it hurts! It hurts me so bad.

I guess only a woman can be this friend to men. I can't imagine there's a man being a friend to a woman and does not wish for anything in return, in this sort of context.

While I wonder to myself where I stand with him. I have paid for a speed dating round for this weekend...with two other curious girlfriends. Like I have told them before, I doubt there will be any good picks in a speed date but it is definitely a great excuse to dress up and have a laugh, something to blog about, and stories to tell...and of course, bonus being finding friendships (don't forget girls, you get to mingle with the women too!). toe shoes or closed toe shoes?



Monday, January 03, 2005

Just Another Weekend

It was a clear night on new year's eve, on the roads of KL. The three of us kept looking out from the window in our waiting room between our sets, the roads were clear, there were some party people hanging out in Merdeka Square but it wasn't what we expected. So few of them, whew....

The performance went well for us. Despite Z's complaints about singing `Beyond The Sea' right under the dinner party backdrop that says [RSC Tsunami Disaster Fund Raising Dinner], she did the number anyway, the dinner guests looked ok. While I still can't believe I actually sang `Over The Rainbow' and `Don't Cry For Me Argentina' back to back....scary.

We were out of the club before eleven pm. CT has surprisingly recovered from the gig the minute she changed out of her sexy black warp dress, she dropped me n Z at my car and sped off into the night to her party in Cheras. Z n I drove in relief back to good old PJ where I dropped her home.

Me? All dressed and nowhere to go? The miserable party of two (poor C who drove all the way from Subang to Mon't Kiara) sat in Cafe Bayou (coffee, pink guava, potato leek soup and Aglio Olio pasta) watching the sad folks outside trying to make the night happening.

C took the bed while I camped out on the couch, I have always wanted to try out the white sofa for a bed, not bad, glad I didn't wake up with ache all over. We finally went down to the pool on new year's morning to chill out. The water was cold and it was easier to snooze on the lazy chair....

And then I had my hair-cut in the living room, C took the first cut....I have thick bangs for the first time in...errr, seven years? Thanks to inspiration from IW. I got used to my new face by that evening, now I go around collecting shocked looks from people who knows me.

Vanity report: weather - clear and sunny, so far three persons have commented I look like Cleopatra. I googled and looked at the search results of `pictures' of Cleopatra on the net, about 1% looked realistic, other `famous' Cleopatra are Elizabeth Taylor, Monica Belluci (!!!!!!!!). Thank you for the compliments folks.

I had the best `the Ladies who lunch (the whole day)' new year's day. We did the longest restaurant crawl, from Thai (Basil, Bangsar Village) to Vietnam (Du Viet, Bangsar Village) to Chinese (Chef Loong, SS2) to Malay (Tanjung Puteri, Sri Hartamas). The marathon started with only C and I, then CM joined the running, followed by BB, then SM and ST, then CT and finally Nic.

Sunday was good for me too, went to see Mama and Justin and had lots of greasy food for breakfast. My singing master class at 3pm with Tuan went very well. Pity there were only Pong and me who sang. Lucky for me CM was there....she, the emergency pianist who could pick up any aria and play right through without hitches. THANK YOU.

My new year weekend ended with a stroll in Ampang Point with SM n ST after Korean BBQ dinner across the road. Bought whole bunch of books from PayLess, one nice one on Puccini, one on My Fair Lady, one on Jazz (for jazz woman Z), one on the women in music, one on Tori Amos (for Just), one on...forgot what else I bought.

ST paid for my books because there was no Maybank ATM around for me. So to ST, Kamsa Hamneeda.

(Know Your Korean)
Anyong Haseyo -- Hello/how do you do
Mawruge Sumneeda -- I don't understand
Kamsa Hamneeda -- Thank you

New year resolutions:

1. practice more (singing)
2. build repertoire (singing)
3. save money (same as the year before)
4. save money
5. save money

I've been a real lucky girl in 2004. I love my friends who put up with me (or not) and those (so many) who supported me through the thick n thin, it's been great.