How are you?

A good friend asked me "how are you?" over WhatsApp and I wanted to give an honest and thorough answer, so I decided to blog my answer.

How am I, as per today, 8:27am of June 13.

(Many many "I" in this answer, I am aware it's self-absorbed while it is honest.  But to answer 'How Are You' - it is a look into what is happening inside my head, inside me)

I miss having an income.  Why?  Because I was used to spending the way I wished, whenever I wished.  I am aware that I am spoilt.  Not having any income now forces me to be more sensible with cash, it's character building while it is worrying.

I miss Justin.  Yesterday was his birthday.  He would have been 48.  I still sometimes wonder if he were around, whether we'd still be together.  I have a feeling that we would be.

I feel helpless, learning about what is happening in the world now.  Many bad news aren't really news, it's shit that has been around for ages but now more of the bad shit has flogged the world at the same time (is it really?) and that overwhelms me.

I wonder if I am trying enough to do the right thing in these times, about money.  I know what is "right" can be different for different people.  Not all, but so many colleagues of mine in the arts community has created new income platforms for themselves.  Me? Nada.  I find myself using the excuse of 'need to take care of my parents' whenever I try to start a conversation with myself about other means of income.  And then I get myself distracted...

With work.  Work that is work that is non-profit-generating.  If it isn't money-making, can I still call it work?  (Well, a full-time mother's day to day labour does not bring in money but you damn well will call that work, ain't it?)

I am learning and getting slightly better at not complaining about people, and things that happen to me.  Things are things, and it is on me how I set my attitude in dealing with things, and people.

I am not sure if I am taking good care of myself, heath wise.  I have to do better in taking care of my digestion, and increase the intake of fresh fruits, and control the amount of junk food I indulge in.

What else?  How am I?

I think I am actually really ok.  I am learning to live well from hour to hour.  I target to be well in the moment.  Count, and list my blessings whenever I hit a bump on the hour.  My list of blessings is a long one.

I have set up a daily timetable that I am happy with, and feel good when I work well with it.  It has helped me through on days when I am swaying.

I have taken the time to write this long and thorough (I think) answer, I'm 20 minutes behind my morning routine.  But it's worth it.  This is a mental workout for me, and probably a bit of philosophical meditation too.

Thank you for asking me how I'm doing, how about you?  How are YOU?

Letters number one hundred and thirty-four: The days go on (it's 2020)

Dearest J,

I checked.  My last letter to you, was June 29, 2018.  That's crazy.  Crazy long while ago.

Of course I know you cannot hear me.  Just that it still serves a bit of comfort for me to start an entry with "Dearest J".   I read a bit of my old entries while searching for the last entry when I wrote you.  The letter number one hundred and thirty-three.

Was not in a good place earlier, so I tucked the phone away and watched Breakfast At Tiffany's on Netflix.  Enjoyed the good cry, mixing my own tears with tears for them characters.

Don't know how to break the news to you, but I do feel like I've failed you somewhat.  This is the 10th year since our 'separation' and I cannot say that I am in a 'better place' yet.

Moments such as tonight.  I am afraid to face myself.

I started writing some diary sometimes.  Like, really writing them, with a nice pen.  I wrote to myself: feel like a freak show, a lone woman so far removed from love.

I've been hurt lately, by an innocent remark from someone I'm close to.  A honest opinion from this friend on my state of things with men, or the lack of; possibly due to my behaviour...of my mind.

Back to why I feel like I've failed you.

The further I am from you, in the aspect of distance in time, the further I feel plunged in the abyss of darkness of the mind.  One that was so well hidden I didn't know it was there.

So often that I announce that I am not one who needs the conventional relationship, I believe it myself.  I still think that even now.

If so, how come at the slightest poke of an honest comment about no wonder I am alone, because the way I am pushes people away - broke me into pieces?  I have to be hiding some dark gaping wounds to be this easily pushed.

It's ego.  Always the ego right?

Afraid to let go.

Afraid to admit that I too need what all the girls around me want.  They want to share themselves with someone, they want to go home to a husband some days.

My need for solitude seems real enough.  I feel at ease and at peace with all the space at home for myself.  Is this the same thing with wanting to be alone?

I wish I could print a headline, announce it to everything and everyone - that I don't have much held together.  I am a clueless fuck about most things in my life.  I don't know what I want and I don't even know if that is true or I'm lying to myself.

Meanwhile, I cannot take off and go to a hole and figure it out.  I've gone too far down the road of engaging in 'adulting' activities that I don't have the luxury of 'just stop'.

Parents are old now and needing care, a lot of time.  And money.

No time for fucking around with shit like that.

My favourite line of late - This too shall pass.

No one has asked me or made me pretend that I got my shits together.  I have done unto myself this burden of looking and walking confident in life.

I told Winnie and a few friends a few nights ago that - the worst feeling I have with you not around me anymore, is that - I can no longer turn to you at moments of chaos and doubts, to ask you what should I do.  You've said many times you too don't have answers for me.  But to have you there to stand taller than me and to admit that you don't know better than me - was comforting and assuring.

But worry not.  For this shall pass soon.  Life is too busy.

Till the next dark cloud comes.  I have ways to distract myself.  I deleted Tinder app again from the phone.  I can read more books.

I might get some help.  I will be fine.

Wish you were here.

Love,

B

Going Deep Into The Mental

A script for my Miss Cakap Banyak Diary @ Jan 28

Happy Chinese new year and happy holiday if you're still on holiday.

This is going to be a special episode of diary, I am going to talk about something a bit serious.  In fact, not only serious but it's borderline...disturbing.

But like many things, you need to disrupt, make a mess before some good can come.

Well in this case I hope I am heading to that direction of bringing better things to come.

I want to share with you today, and admit to myself today that I have issues.

What issues?

The thing is, I myself don't know the whole of it - I just know that deep inside me, buried under all my surface composure of being the energetic, talkative, friendly person that we see outside -- there are a bunch of stuff that are bubbling in deep water.

Sometimes this shit gets so hot it comes up to the surface and make an unpleasant mess and then goes away.  When it surfaces, it gets my attention for a bit, I'd self reflect and make a note of the problem.  Sometimes I keep a diary of the incident and my thoughts, sometimes I make a conversation with a friend on the matter and get an insight from another person's perspective - that always helps.

OK so you are watching and thinking, what the fuck is she on and on about?

Basically, in the wake of some recent and not so recent, but recent enough string of events of both, at professional and personal capacity where I was in the middle of unpleasant conflicts.  To be more specific, I would name myself the catalyst of the conflicts and disagreements.

Now isn't that a pretty way of saying that I have discovered what an asshole I have been.

(side effect of having started watching The Crown on Netflix, you get all proper with your English)

 But ya seriously, I have spent some time thinking and asking myself how and why did I end up here - a certified asshole.

The usual suspects came to mind - my ego and my insecurities getting out of balance.   Being able to pin point the source, the root of what cause my behaviour to get out of hand, is a good start - but just that alone won't solve the problem.

I look around at other areas of my life, and lifestyle where I feel much out of balance and not where I like it be - my incessant restlessness and the desire to control things, and people.  Much as I know I have improved ever so slightly in past years, it is still far from healthy.  I want to do better.

We are at most times, the cause of what happens to us.  Our beliefs turn into behaviour and our behaviour manifest into our reality.

I have problem letting things be, my mind is an overheated oven all the time.  When I fall sick I have a lot of difficulties resting and healing.

Someone whose sense I trust, told me yesterday - that she can see that I have a front, this thing that I do to control my own emotions.  Means my interaction with the outside world, is a controlled front that I have subconsciously created for myself and for others.

Basically this means, I have received signs and warnings from a series of incidents that are calling for me to pay attention, pay a lot more attention to my mind.

Honestly it feels a bit scary because I am already a walking overheated overthinking machine, now I have to THINK MORE?

No, I now have to LEARN how to THINK the right things, for better mental health.

I want to get to the inside of my mental, and find the root of my deep issues - the real source of my deep set restlessness, my obsession with being in control of everything, my disability to let things be, let it flow.

So, laying the headline of the problem is a start.  I don't quite know what I will do next.  I have some ideas and I am nervous.  I want to learn mediation, I want to make time for a silent retreat this year - I hope soon.

Thank you for listening and watching.  If you have thoughts about whatever I just share - anything at all.  You can write to me, comment, private message.

I wish you peace and joy.

On Being Lonely

A few people has put the idea of a 'showgirl journal' in my head seriously, as in, they seriously think it's a good move for me to consider.

That could eventually be a book, something like that.

To do that, I know that one of the things to do is daily writing.  So, let's try this.  Just keeping a simple daily writing..journal thingy going, and put down the incessant flow of thoughts inside my head, onto this space.  Maybe on real printed pages, one day.  Who knows.

I went on a non-date last night with my handsome neighbour and corporate thespian friend Leon, to Phantom of The Opera.  (but we both said it's a date all right!! But it's still a non-date because Ryonn got a partner orediii) It was the Tun Siti Hasmah gala night, and there was going to a pre-show cocktail for some of us, so we both dressed up, I went to the theatre in Leon's nice fancy car - feeling very grown up and nice.  He introduced me to his office mates and I did nothing to hide my non-corporate-like personality.  We took silly videos and photos together during the cocktail.  The show was good, our seats were good, we had wonderful supper and went home.

Leon texted this little group chat we keep with a couple of our buddies today, "My colleagues said my wife/girlfriend from last night is very interesting and fizzy! LOL."

I had to ask him what fizzy means.  "It's like a bubbly soft drink."  Ah, ok.  I am like a carbonated drink, might make one burps.

Anyway, I have digressed again huh?  This is about loneliness.

The going out last night kept me thinking, again, about my single-hood, that is sometimes, links with loneliness.

Generally, I have very little time and mental space to truly 'appreciate' my loneliness.  Despite it being always there looming in the back of the room.  When the time comes, I would think about it for a few moments and enjoy the melancholy, soak it up...but before I know it, my mind wanders off to the next thing I need to do, and want to do.

Distracted?  Yes you bet.  So it seems - I am lonely but I am too distracted to be bothered by it.

In fact, I don't even complain about it - the loneliness.  Don't get me wrong when I say I am lonely, I don't mean it in the conventional sense where one has no friends and is sad about it.  I mean in the sense that I don't have a romantic partner, or a steady - that kind of 'lonely'.

I definitely enjoy the perks of single-hood, and understand that bits that come with that package - the lonely thing.

Just putting it here that I am sometimes lonely, and things aren't so bad so I end up don't do anything about my being single status.  I usually declare that I mostly just want a lover, not a boyfriend.

What is the difference?  You can either google the terms...or I can try to blog about my own terms one day.

Was on dating app for years, Tinder for one.   Made a lot of new friends, met loads of both interesting and very boring men.  Had numerous thoughts about writing stand-up comedy material about my Tinder encounters; wrote some half-assed lyrics for a song about Tinder; kept a diary of my Tinder dates even.

But I'm still here :) single and still quite pleased with it for now.  And have deleted the app some time ago.

OK, I should stop here for now.  If I were to make this blogging a daily feat, gotta make it feasible but not spending too many minutes on one entry.

Wish me luck.

the other kind of loneliness

A new experience tonight.  Just a short while ago.

This kind of loneliness - you're home early from work and you still have the evening free to rest, catch up on some reading, long shower, slow emails and a leisurely prepared dinner, the solitary kind as usual.   You're in a good mood - always enjoy the quiet evening in at home with lights set as dim and low as it allows for slowing down the day.

The late dinner is good, you're too lazy to do the washing and chopping up for a stir fry so you made a sandwich - sourdough, salted butter, basil & garlic cheddar, organic tomatoes, local cucumber, and a fried egg - it's oily and juicy and full of flavours.

It's so good, you chow down the last bite of the sandwich and get up to wash the plate...just then, when the tap water hits the plate with your hands covered in dish soap you think, "If someone's here with me now and he is hungry too, I would have offered to make him this sandwich too and I'd be curious to see if he thinks it is as delicious as I did."


"I would gladly feed someone right now."

Except there is nobody hungry here, next to you.  It's just you, and the toaster oven next to the sink, still warm from the toast 10 minutes ago.

You're a bit lonely tonight, you realise.

It isn't entirely unpleasant, just a bit lonesome.  You know you haven't anything to complain about...you like the solitary life; walking around naked, making wonderful and silly meals for one, sleeping at whatever hour you fancy and playing music at whatever volume you like, and doing laundry for one.

Yet, sometimes, you just realise, that you would like to cook the second portion for another person - watch a man eat the meal you'd put together and take in the satisfaction from the corner of his mouth that work into a smile, "This is so good, thank you."

Conversations not needed, just the tenderness of chasing one's hunger away with some gift of love in the form of a meal made by you.

Letters number one hundred and thirty-two: The days go on

Dearest J, 

Sometimes I wonder if you're still around - would you love this person that I am now, this 2017 version of the woman you were in love with.  I know I'll get nowhere with that thought...just a silly wander and wonder of the mind, like when I wash dishes after a meal at home.  

I cook for myself so much nowadays, and loving the taste of it so much that I could barely stand eating out at sub-standard restaurant/mall eateries.  Sometimes I get a little embarrassed with myself, how much I enjoy cooking for myself...not that I hate sharing my cooking with others.  I wonder if it is a case of being conceited?  That I love to cook for just one.

Rationally, I'd say it is just one of the manifestation of me enjoying my own company.   I do think of friends and people when I eat alone, so and so would love this dish, etc.  I've shared my cooking numerous times with friends, they enjoy it.

Quite sure you would approve of the cooking if you were here to taste it :) You always liked those pasta thingy I made, those rare occasions when I did make them.

Lost my voice last weekend, at a gig.  It was horrifying but I think I came out of it pretty well on the show, I have proof --> audience came up to me to ask to buy my albums, and many more wanted to have photo taken with me and said how much they enjoyed my performance. 

Saw ENT twice in one week, got prescribed steroid, antibiotic and bunch of other medicine.  Recovery is apparent, but too slow to do another show now.  I had to cancel two gigs this week.  Spent the week excelling at writing apologies to clients, and had bouts of disaster recovery training on the go.  I am giving myself an award for Best Performance in Disaster Recovery, or was it Disaster Management?

Had a lot of time at hand, thinking - besides cooking, going to doctors, napping, popping bills, chores, looking for replacement singers and firing orders.  

Thinking, why had I worked so hard and done so little travelling for myself?  

Thinking how I could work on a paradigm shift so I could focus - and be less kiasu - on experiencing more...the world, outside of the work.  

The notion is to work and achieve as much as I can now, while I still have the fire in me.  I think the fire is strong still, and thinking about performing always excite me...except now my body is slowing down.   The days after the Kuching-Singapore "tour" I dazed through my classes, rehearsals and appointments, sleepy at most hours of the day.  Sore throat started as early as Sunday itself after I touched down from Singapore...really didn't see it coming, of how that would eventually escalate to losing voice a week later.  

I haven't cancelled on any clients or shows since 2008.  I remember that time when I lost my voice completely for weeks and sometimes you'd come over with home cooked from Mama :) It was also October then...it was super stressful then, cancelling 3 shows and dealing with different levels of wrath and scorn from clients and agents.   I think this time round things were more calmly managed, though the emotions are the same - poignant, regrets and upset. 

The bright side of things...there are always positive that come out of bad things that happen; the good things that came off this are: 

1) Realising how much I have established (unknowingly to myself) in my stage profile that clients really see me apart from others.  What I have been delivering and building, is indeed in a class of its own -- despite all the shortcomings I've encountered and nitpicked my performance.  

(It's hard to find replacements for the jobs that I was supposed to deliver, it was hard to convince clients to work with the alternatives)

2) A quiet time to reflect on my future perspectives and some past ones.  The all important question: What and who am I living for? 

3) I could pack leisurely at home for the NZ trip coming up in 3 days!

So, I want to start doing something about the wanderlust - travel more.  Not just in the frame of mind to 'take more holidays', but to travel more, see more.  

The papers for the condo transfer to 100% my name is almost done...after 7 long years with the laywer...high court, land office, etc etc.  I am down to my bits of paying back Alex for the bank loan that he paid for Viva.  

I've worked hard to accumulate cash in my bank the past 7 years, but I think I have spent quite fiercely too...I could be a little more stingy but it wouldn't be me.  What is money for if you don't spend it?  I hope you look out for me when I am out and about on my own, learning to move around the world, little by little, on my own.

Miss you lots, 

B

Letters number one hundred and thirty: The days go on

Dearest J,

I don't know if you have ever stopped in your track, and think...everyday, at every juncture of predicament and challenge in your way - you are learning how to live.

Does it ever get tiring, I am refraining from asking you questions because I know I have to answer everything myself.  The answers come much later down the road.  They will come.

The way I see my life now is in two parts, the one with you in it and the one AFTER you.  Honestly, in the most ironic, perhaps morbid and unromantic way - I feel like I've only start to 'live' this life after you left.  It feels like the life with you before was my university years, preparing me for the real thing after you go.  After you let go of your firm and reassuring grip on me.

Off I go.  It still feels like sometimes such a tiresome chore to be treading this road of life.  At most times I look around and see so much to be thankful for - even without anyone to hold on to.  Isn't it so true, that we come into this world alone and we go alone.  With families and closest of friends, we are always, all the time alone, inside ourselves.

Here I am J, coming to my second album soon; surviving the big unknown again.  Still feeling almost lost in looking for my voice, still looking, at my 11th year of working in music; still looking for myself at my 39th year of being alive.  And oh, learning in giving my body and my mind to the pleasure of the flesh a second chance, learning from scratch in becoming a woman again.  Learning new tricks to pick myself up each time I fall prey to fear and doubts, learning to listen to old advice like a trusted therapist.

And I do feel oh so lazy some days, a lot of days.  My laziness drive me to the kitchen, and proceed to intoxicate my mind with cooking...a pot of tea and some snacks and open pages in books, cleaning up the corners of the flat, dusting off books piled on the shelves, more eating and drinking tea in bed and sofa, more cooking...

And oh, I have finally caught up with you in the running/jogging.  I enjoy a run outside, whether alone or with friends.  The haze in the city has been bad each season and our clear sky days are quite numbered so that is quite an annoying deterrent for running outside.  I have learned how to do breast stroke proper, I enjoy swimming nowadays.  I have started a daily morning workout routine at home after I make my bed, this started after my birthday just more than a week ago.

Still lots to learn J. To stay constantly motivated to stay alive and be better in things.  I am slow but I never stop.

Feel good to talk to you.  Just needed to let this out so I can go on.


Much love, thinking of you,

B

The Dancer in me

I have always loved dancing, ever since I vaguely know what dancing is, or looks like - in my tender age of primary school going years; in my small hometown with a shrouded view of performance arts and entertainment.

For me then, to be able to move gracefully and skilfully is power, almost like a super power, or special talent.  In my little head, I think the people I saw on the TV screen strutting their stuff are attractive and powerful people who can get what they want in life - because they are such beautiful dancers.  I don't know how or where I got that idea from but it just happened.

After my sister left home to work in the city, I had our bedroom to myself.  In the middle of that small bedroom - was my dance floor.  That tiny patch of 5x4 feet was where I dance - or moved my body according to whatever little "received pronunciation" I had back then for dance.  I would dance to the music they played on Radio 4, or on my cassettes; seeing the image of a beautiful dance in my head.  Sometimes I watch the reflection of myself in the glass window, I could see it better in the evening when the lights are on in my room.

In high school I remember performing at our annual Girl Guides and Scouts concerts..or some other school outings, I especially remember rehearsing and working hard to dance to songs like Janet Jackson's Black Cat, Mariah Carey's Dream Lover, and something by Black Machine.  Haha..

It was really pure joy and fun to dance back then, when there was no one to examine us, compare us (and me), and correcting our moves.  I in fact cannot even remember who were the choreographers, must have been one of our schoolmates.  But I remember in my mind our choreography were sophisticated - for us teenagers from Chinese school in Taiping.

I guess if singing is the thing I do to define my vocation in life, then dancing would something I do to show the world the inner child in me, the person who loves to play.

Ironically, many years after I played hard in dancing to Janet Jackson's songs I came to understand how much training, discipline and handwork is needed to 'play' it well.  This understanding came after attending weekly dance classes for years, what I do for fun.

The one thing that I always feel a little embarrassed to admit is that I have more fun in dance classes than my singing classes (perhaps not being a professional dancer is one of the reasons).  Sure, I have my fair share of frustrations in dance classes too with catching up with choreography, with technique and all that but it doesn't come close to the amount of fun and joy I get in dancing in a class - it all makes up for it.

Then, about two to three years ago I started watching myself dancing in videos - be it in classes or rehearsal for love performances and musicals.  The sight of myself dancing was a gross monstrosity to my eyes because the captured performance is honest and transparent, all my flaws are pronounced. I was puzzled and spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why I look horrible on videos even if I felt great dancing a piece of music.  By that time my ability to remember and to learn choreography has improved a lot so it wasn't that I couldn't do it, I just look horrible doing it.  Ok, if not terribly horrible, I look weird, stiff, and not convincing.  Funnily, I didn't go to my dance teacher then to ask her why, I showed my friend my videos and asked her.  Callista is a part time Latin dancer and an old friend and she is generous with her knowledge and sharing.  She watched me dance and saw my videos and told me my upper back is crazy stiff. "All the movements that involve working your back, curling and such, you don't `finish' the moves properly - hence it looks not so nice."  Callista told me it is something I can work on to overcome.  "Ok, got it!"

And then I started noticing my bowleggedness. This 'cacatness' affect the aesthetics of my movement and postures in dancing.  This time round I take the case up with my dance teacher, my ballet teacher to be specific.  Miss Nell said, "Yes, you are bow-ledgged.  Don't worry, we can work on it and you will still look good IF YOU WORK HARD."

More than a year ago when I was planning my first solo concert I had the vision of me being in my finest physical form, singing and dancing - holding on own in doing both that I love.  When the script writing came for that concert it was decided that there would be no dancing, the decision suited the concept well.  We sold out on both nights of the concert, even though I didn't get to dance, haha.

Now just a year after that concert I am planning my next one and this time - having done the highly melancholic in the first - I can now safely depart from the sedated and bring out the bold, and the dance...hence:

Showgirl concert, March 2017.

I am challenging myself to overcome the stiff upper back, bowlegged, and everything else that have made me look less than good on the dance floor - to open and close the show next year with a performance that I will be proud of.  It's about a year from now, the game is on.   The work will be colossal, the pain unbearable (but good thing I like pain) and the hours plenty.  I am grateful to have my other old friend on board, Nell, who is fearless in the workplace.  Thank you for taking this up with me.  Let's dance.

1st anniversary of Restless Heart concert & album - Audience & Colleagues' feedback (March 2015)

Last year this date, March 13th, was an ordinary Friday for many but not for me.  Many people went out of their ways for months to make sure that on March 12th, Thursday, 2015 - Restless Heart CDs arrive at Dpac's theatre door, ready to be despatched and sold to our audience on the same evening, at Restless Heart concert - my first solo concert.  

The village came together for music and love, and the village has stuck together.  This year March 12th & 13th, I slept in on both days and relished in the memories of "Restless Madness" back then and laze in my comfy bed for now, gearing up for another exhilarating chapter ahead called the "second album and second concert".

I've compiled here all the audiences and colleagues' comments, responses, encouragements and kind thoughts that were known to me through their Facebook postings, messages and such.  Even though we didn't work on Restless Heart for these praises, they warm the cockles of our hearts and push our spirits to new heights and set me ready for the next milestone.  Thank you people.

Links:

The Star reportage by Seto Kit Yan
Review by Food For Soul, Rachel Khiew

Sandee Chew, March 15^th:

Some of the people it takes to do a solo concert & solo album.

O #RestlessHeart Janet Lee, I feel so priviledged to be able to experience even a smidgen of your growing artistry, wisdom & spirit. Who knew personal & sincere can also look & sound so sophisticatedly glamourous

Love the compilation of songs, all the original stuff & how you made old favs your own.

You continue to inspire me in so many ways. Not least of all how you truly and fully live by your deeply felt and honestly shared convictions. *tabik*

Char bo, looking forward to the rest of your journey.

.

People,

copy of the #RestlessHeart CD available through @souldoctorlee, or pop-by @tommyleebaker.

I've also officially become a fan of Tay Cher Siang (@nishysuperstar now ada competition in my heart) & WVC Band aka WVC+1. They got a concert at Pentas 1, #klpac on June 24-25, 2015!

Seriously humans, go check them out. Like seriously.

Ai Na Wee, March 14^th:

一场我看到用了很多的爱成就的演唱会。乐手们都爱她, 观众很爱她。全体的工作人员很爱她。他和她是相爱的。她用了她的歌声回馈大家对她的爱。我喜欢看这小妮子在台上的表演。即便她就是站着不动只张开双臂把歌唱好都那么吸引你的目光去注视她和她的演唱。这就是她的舞台魅力。这些年我看着她迅速地在舞台上成长, 那成长的速度是值得关注和兴奋的。不为什么,我想因为她是用心在唱歌。

我喜欢她的自荐:

I sing not because I'm happy,

I'm happy because I sing

抱歉我这组照片没拍得很多也没拍得好。因为我花时间在专心听她在为我们和自己唱歌。祝福你 #janetlee

I didn't manage to take lots of photos as I am busy watching and listening during the concert. I know her through her voice at most live performance when I attended one of my favourite jazz band WVC trio + one. I love to see her on stage. I often see team work and she somehow fill up the stage with her singing, her conversation with the audience and in this concert, her stories.

I enjoyed the concert very much as I can feel so much love in that theatre hall on the stage, among the audience. The musicians love her, the audiences love her, J and her love each other and she reciprocated by doing a fantastic job on stage for us and for her soulmate J. 
Glad to finally see her dream of releasing this solo album come true. GO GO GO my Janet and more to come...
I always love her slogan
"I sing not because I'm happy. I'm happy because I sing."
That's Janet Lee with her Restless Heart album
‪#‎janetlee‬ ‪#‎restlessheart‬

Kylie Sze Wei, March 14^th:

Janet Lee 1st Album "Restless Heart" finally finally finally launch.... Finally I can hear her voice now in car not only at the function! Congraz to Janet Lee ... Guys pls support this album... Is not only about the song in this album... Is a "heart"...

Joanne Aw, March 14^th:

Thank you @souldoctorlee for the stories told through your music

So beautiful, so passionate, so inspiring! —

Nicole Ann Thomas, March 14^th:

Yesterday I witnessed a dream come true. It was a dream come true for me too, lived and experienced by someone else. And this girl deserves every single dream of hers to come to life. Awesome night, awesome music, awesome person. Your Rider in the Wind will always be watching over you Janet Lee. And he is here, now, with you. I remember the early days when you were starting off in theatre and singing, when you used to come by bike, and I used to tell myself, these two are crazy. Thank you for being human. Thank you for being true. Stay crazy. And here's to more music and singing! Love and hugs always.

Alfred Loh, March 14^th:

Pick and identify the TRUE statement:

A. Janet Lee is a hustler

B. Janet Lee is a beautiful spirit

C. Janet Lee is a magnificent human being
D. All of the above

PC Foo, March 14^th:

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe." Very proud of you, my wonderfoo neighbour, Janet Lee

smile emoticon

Janet's album: [Restless Heart] is on sale now, go and grab it

Yudi Yap, March 14^th:

有一方梦土可以做主，是幸福的，尽管自掏腰包，代价不菲。

恭喜Janet演唱会成功，梦想专辑成真

Sherlyn Koh, March 14^th:

Proud of you my sister Janet Lee for your first up close and personal concert " Restless Heart". You are an inspirations, hard working and talented artist. We'll always here to support you. Congratulation to your new album, your dream finally come true! —

KJ Wong, March 14^th:

A restless heart,

beating with a passion unlike any other,

finds a place to be,

finds a voice to sing,

finds a reason to speak,
finds a purpose to live.

A dream,

fueled by a restless heart,

finds itself irrefutable.

Feeding on the pulses of passion and desire,

not the praises of hands and tongues,

it will not die till it finds rest,

seated among the realm of the living.

A joy,

to see a dream,

to see a restless heart

beat without hesitation,

without reservation.

To have lived beside it,

to have witnessed it live.

A life.

A whisper in the wind.

Fleeting, beautiful.

What is a life without a dream? If there was never a thing to strive for, never a passion to live for, never a community to love, never a joy to celebrate, never a sorrow to mourn, never a glory to witness, never a shame to bear; what would it all have been for?

To be a bearer of dreams, that is a beautiful privilege.

I, alongside my comrades whom I love, had the honor and privilege to bear the dream of one Janet Lee.

No bird flies without the wind beneath its wings. Though the wind may sometimes remain unseen, sometimes even unheard, it blows nonetheless, carrying forward those who would choose to ride upon it. All that is left is the image of majesty, soaring through the clouds.

It has been my utmost honor, one which I will forever remain thankful for, to have been called to carry a dream. It has been my joy to have been part of the responsibility for the image of majesty. It has been my pleasure to witness the heartbeats that have culminated in the Restless Heart. It has been my fulfillment to have served, to have been called to partake in the dream.

Cheers to you Janet.

..

..

And now, rest.

Horng Yih, March 14^th:

Restless Heart,

Rest less heart,

Less rest heart,

Less now,

Rest now,
Heart.

The cliche is to say "A Star Was Born", well this star was born a while ago.

Last night A Star Shone.”

Claire Rozells, March 14^th:

To a lady who shines.

I admire her spunk, her genuine love for love, her booming laughter, her generosity & that huge beautiful heart of hers.

A real go getter!! Whenever i get lazy or stuck in anything i do, i think of @souldoctorlee and how she presses on in life, ALWAYS up-ping her game, always being better than her yesterdays. You inspire me to be better. Thank you.

You are truly an amazing creature and i am sooooo proud of you; first, as a woman; second, as a vocalist... The success of your concert says it all ‪#‎restlessheart‬

‪#‎janetleesolodebut‬ ‪#‎janetleealbum‬

Your before made you today, and your today is gonna bring you to a beautiful tomorrow!! Congratulations my dear.

Don't stop inspiring.

Don't stop believing.

Don't ever stop laughing!!

You are a true warrior of life!! ‪#‎songbird‬ ‪#‎hardwork‬ ‪#‎dedication‬ ‪#‎abeauty‬ ‪#‎somuchsoul‬ ‪#‎simple‬ ‪#‎crazy‬ ‪#‎arealwoman‬ ‪#‎funny‬ ‪#‎magical‬

‪#‎beautifulinsideandout‬ ‪#‎realdeal‬

Much love hun!!

—   with Janet Lee.

Julian Chan, March 14^th:

RESTLESS HEART....

Dear Janet Lee

You are living proof that we all need to dream, and naivety in such dreams is something virtuous and valuable to have.

You are living proof that there's no dream that's too big that it cannot be achieved. All that is needed is persistence, preserverence, sincerity, diligence, and an unimaginable amount of passion.

You are living proof that having a restless heart is what is necessary to live in this world, or else there is no point to it.

We have seen how hard you have worked, day in day out, to get to this point. Thank you for having us be part of this dream of yours. It is my privilege and honor.

==============

PS:

The concert was a blast, and I had a great time with my musical brothers, whom I love dearly, and always a privilege to play and learn with and from them. To my brothers in WVC Trio+1, thank you!

Tay Cher Siang AJ Popshuvit Kj Wong

A shoutout to the rest of our ensemble:

Fung Chern Hwei and the Gugu-tet, Eben Ting, Kok Leong, and Eugene.

Backup voices - Yon Lynn Tan and Ng Shareen

Awesome guitarist Faz Aznam for adding your voice to our group.

A shoutout to the RESTLESS HEART production team: Nell Ng (director/producer/slave driver), Seah Song-fan, Wong Horngyih, Tan Choo Harn, Alex Ls Tan, Jaynell Ling and everyone else involved whom I haven't mentioned!

.......And a super special thanks to all of you who made it to the concert in support of our Queen! THANK YOU!

Brenda James, March 14^th:

Congratulations Janet Lee for bringing Restless Heart to fruition! The telling of a journey of love, its glorious highs, painful lows, and the delightful, formative middle ground where real life truly happens. May your musical adventures continue to bloom and grow.

Jimmy Ang, March 14^th:

Today's darlings.

I'm here today for Janet. Watching her realize her dream and being part of it is such a blessing. I'm never more proud of someone. The feast for the eyes and ears today not only inspired me but also motivated me. We all want to be someone who we dream to be but not everyone can achieve it. Congrats Janet. I want you to know that I love you and your spirit.

Angie Ng, March 14^th:

Stellar solo concert & launch of her debut album ‪#‎restlessheart‬ by ‪#‎janetlee‬ ! Congratulations @souldoctorlee & thank you for your music, your stories, your beautiful soul & for always keeping it real! P/S: cried again listening to your album in the car lah. ‪#‎therapeutic‬ Janet Lee

Zakri, March 14^th:

A fearless and restless heart inspired me so much tonight with her courage in pursuing her dreams. Congrats dear heart — with Janet Lee.

Keira Chin, March 13^th:

I met Ms @souldoctorlee 3 years ago at one of Sensei Cher Siang's performance. She is always regarded as the most hardworking woman on earth. Finally the long awaited solo concert/album release! Congratulations! Thank you for the gorgeous music that touches my heart. I'm sure it's same for everyone who was there. ‪#‎restlessheart‬ ‪#‎janetlee‬

Suhailie Michelin, March 13^th:

Dearest @souldoctorlee , thank you for sharing this night with me. It was indeed a reminder to always celebrate life and be thankful for many wonderful things. I'm so grateful to be part of your journey.. 'Dance not because you want to but because you have to...' Love you ‪#‎janetlee‬ ‪#‎restlessheart‬ — with Seah Song-fan and 5 others.

Adrian Chee, March 13^th:

My good friend and (trusted supplier) Janet Lee had her first solo concert tonite and boy did she blew the audience away. Thank you for an amazing nite, my favorite has always been your rendition of Shanghai Jazz - all my hair stood up when you hit those notes! Keep on having that Restless Heart and continue making great music! Congrats my dear, and all the best with the new album.

Jason Khoo, March 13^th:

【Restless Heart】一张诚意满满的作品。看见的是一位歌者的热血、努力与坚持；听见的是首首美妙动听的爵士乐，仿佛享受着一杯浓郁咖啡停留在嘴里的香醇～ Janet Lee 李抒芬，加油！

Lynn Tan, March 13^th:

Butterflies in a jar. As though the glass is lined with acid.

(I'm lost for words!)

Restless Heart is crafted with raw sincerity.

Personally, I recalled a very familiar desire...

feels like I can touch the sky again.

Come to DPAC for Restless Heart - A solo concert by Janet Lee tomorrow!

Our only, most recent duo shot

Winnie Ho, March 13^th:

She is our "youngest" in ‪#‎ShanghaiSisters‬. She is my crony. She is someone that inspired and encourage me so much about dreams. She sing, she laughs, she writes, she pursues. She is Janet Lee.

Congrats babe on your debut solo concert : Restless Heart! I was touched by the great effort everyone puts in ! So proud of u!

, still showing at Damansara Performing Art Center (Dpac). One more show on 13/3/2015, 8.30pm. Acknowledge their effort by support the gig or get a copy of Janet's Debut album! — with May Meow and Janet Lee.

Isabell Jia Jia, March 13^th:

It's a whole load of enjoyment for audience when seasoned musicians perform on stage

smile emoticon

without forgetting the experienced show producer , coordinator , sound n light engineer n etc .

Dear Janet Lee, so proud of u ~!! Great show indeed !

虽然走的是不同风格，但我强烈推荐常听和常做中文音乐的朋友们去看这场演出！其实我们在这样多元种族和文化的熏陶之下，酝酿出来的音乐真的有很多值得互相交流和学习的地方。 不要忙着各做各的才好～

Kong Eu, March 13^th:

Such an elegant & beautiful ‪#‎RestlessHeart‬ last night! Janet Lee's solo concert launching her debut album at ‪#‎DPAC‬. FULL live band, stunning staging & powerful vocals of the gorgeous Janet Lee ...See if you can get standing room tickets for tonight's show!

Ker Heng, March 13^th:

Wonderful vocals by Janet Lee and the band + wvc trio who played tonight! Faz Aznam great work on the guitar! Lights and sound were a very high standard too! ‪#‎restlessheart‬ ‪#‎janetleemusic‬

Prestinne Tan, March 12^th:

Was at a solo concert of restless heart, featuring Janet Lee. A malaysian songstress. It's her 1st album after working hard for 10 years. Finally she owns the stage, has her own songs in the comfort of people that love her in the hall. I don't know her, but from the brief encounter I could feel her. It was really touch-heart, with personal stories weaved in. Did not expect to be touched that way but I choked up a few times especially when she mentioned Justin, her soul mate that has passed on 5 years ago. Did not expect such a soulful, personal musical encounter tonite really. And I could feel that she is a beautiful being. I could not detect any sense of pretense. Not a bit. Only sincerity and honesty. Oh and this girl can sing! Lol! My favourite track - Into The Sky. Congratulations ‪#‎JanetLee‬. ‪#‎RestlessHeart‬
Kris Wong dear thank you for a beautiful evening as always. ♡♡♡

Zen Lin Tan, March 20^th:

Hi Janet,

Thank you for a wonderful Friday last week. F1 was a good seat. Thank you for accommodating to my ticket change. It's been a week but the experience was awe-inspiring and alot of the tunes are still ringing in my head. Especially "Mo Li Hua", it's spine-tingling. Perfect amalgamation of chinese folk and modern fusion.

Being a restless heart myself, I look up to you. I cried, I laughed, I grooved to the beats, I clapped, througout your concert even I was solo that evening.    Guess that's the magic of the arts. And your honesty brought me into deep thoughts of my current situation. A timely reminder for myself to keep me sane. Every moments is a crossroads. Every turn you make and every path you make will be your journey of discovery forever. Make life a ride.

Glad to see you have the blessings, love and care from friends.

Hope to see more of your performances in the future or maybe a good cup of tea.