Letters number one hundred and thirty-two: The days go on

Dearest J, 

Sometimes I wonder if you're still around - would you love this person that I am now, this 2017 version of the woman you were in love with.  I know I'll get nowhere with that thought...just a silly wander and wonder of the mind, like when I wash dishes after a meal at home.  

I cook for myself so much nowadays, and loving the taste of it so much that I could barely stand eating out at sub-standard restaurant/mall eateries.  Sometimes I get a little embarrassed with myself, how much I enjoy cooking for myself...not that I hate sharing my cooking with others.  I wonder if it is a case of being conceited?  That I love to cook for just one.

Rationally, I'd say it is just one of the manifestation of me enjoying my own company.   I do think of friends and people when I eat alone, so and so would love this dish, etc.  I've shared my cooking numerous times with friends, they enjoy it.

Quite sure you would approve of the cooking if you were here to taste it :) You always liked those pasta thingy I made, those rare occasions when I did make them.

Lost my voice last weekend, at a gig.  It was horrifying but I think I came out of it pretty well on the show, I have proof --> audience came up to me to ask to buy my albums, and many more wanted to have photo taken with me and said how much they enjoyed my performance. 

Saw ENT twice in one week, got prescribed steroid, antibiotic and bunch of other medicine.  Recovery is apparent, but too slow to do another show now.  I had to cancel two gigs this week.  Spent the week excelling at writing apologies to clients, and had bouts of disaster recovery training on the go.  I am giving myself an award for Best Performance in Disaster Recovery, or was it Disaster Management?

Had a lot of time at hand, thinking - besides cooking, going to doctors, napping, popping bills, chores, looking for replacement singers and firing orders.  

Thinking, why had I worked so hard and done so little travelling for myself?  

Thinking how I could work on a paradigm shift so I could focus - and be less kiasu - on experiencing more...the world, outside of the work.  

The notion is to work and achieve as much as I can now, while I still have the fire in me.  I think the fire is strong still, and thinking about performing always excite me...except now my body is slowing down.   The days after the Kuching-Singapore "tour" I dazed through my classes, rehearsals and appointments, sleepy at most hours of the day.  Sore throat started as early as Sunday itself after I touched down from Singapore...really didn't see it coming, of how that would eventually escalate to losing voice a week later.  

I haven't cancelled on any clients or shows since 2008.  I remember that time when I lost my voice completely for weeks and sometimes you'd come over with home cooked from Mama :) It was also October then...it was super stressful then, cancelling 3 shows and dealing with different levels of wrath and scorn from clients and agents.   I think this time round things were more calmly managed, though the emotions are the same - poignant, regrets and upset. 

The bright side of things...there are always positive that come out of bad things that happen; the good things that came off this are: 

1) Realising how much I have established (unknowingly to myself) in my stage profile that clients really see me apart from others.  What I have been delivering and building, is indeed in a class of its own -- despite all the shortcomings I've encountered and nitpicked my performance.  

(It's hard to find replacements for the jobs that I was supposed to deliver, it was hard to convince clients to work with the alternatives)

2) A quiet time to reflect on my future perspectives and some past ones.  The all important question: What and who am I living for? 

3) I could pack leisurely at home for the NZ trip coming up in 3 days!

So, I want to start doing something about the wanderlust - travel more.  Not just in the frame of mind to 'take more holidays', but to travel more, see more.  

The papers for the condo transfer to 100% my name is almost done...after 7 long years with the laywer...high court, land office, etc etc.  I am down to my bits of paying back Alex for the bank loan that he paid for Viva.  

I've worked hard to accumulate cash in my bank the past 7 years, but I think I have spent quite fiercely too...I could be a little more stingy but it wouldn't be me.  What is money for if you don't spend it?  I hope you look out for me when I am out and about on my own, learning to move around the world, little by little, on my own.

Miss you lots, 

B

Letter one hundred and thirteen - the days go on

Dearest J,

UK is beautiful.  You were right back then, you knew I would love London as much as you did.  Am back from my second visit to London and beyond.  I went jogging everywhere when I could, Hyde Park in London, Edinburgh, Windermere.  I saw dogs, trees, people, skies, ducks, swans, wind...in the cold of it all I suddenly realised that I was living some of your history - all your jogging around the world whenever you travel.  That's it - I got a glimpse of what you saw on my jogs, I saw life through your eyes on these outings.  How you talked about your travels and all those running in the cold mornings, I saw you babe.

I took this picture on my iPhone at Carlton Hill, Edinburgh.  That's Nell and Susheela.

I miss you very much.  Not all the time now, but whenever I do though, the feeling is intense.  A boy asked me if I'd date him tonight, I think I said the `right' thing and told him yes I would see him again for dinner (for two) and we'd just chat and enjoy the time together.  After I left him and drove home I realised I was probably just saying it.  I miss you more then.  Back then when I was just startin to see you a bit, I knew I wanted to see you more, wanted to see you all the time, and talk to you all  the time.

on the way to Fort William from Edinburgh, from the train

At times like this I wonder if this is what people meant by `not ready to move on'.  Consciously I have always thought that I could always date someone new when I meet the person I like.  I think am still right, I just haven't really met anyone whom I like enough.  I know a guy or two whom I find could almost be interesting like you, they are straight too - but they have girlfriends too.

We know there will never be anyone as interesting as you.  The thought of settling for less is heart-breaking.  I guess my second best bet would be to settle for music, and me.

I love my time on the two week outing in UK.  It's not a bad deal at all, not being attached or meet anyone great but get to travel and meet new places and people.

a swan dozing off at Hyde Park, London

Anyway, this letter is mostly to report that I am happy to have jogged around my trip and it was intoxicating to be living for a moment through your eyes there as I went out jogging in the cold.  I am happy that I get to live that experience and realise what a beautiful life this is - this one I have shared with you.  Thank you love.

xoxo,

B

Letter one hundred and ten - the days go on

Dearest J,

I've stopped counting the days when I write here.  Can't say that counting the days make me particularly cheery so yea, I stop.  The 'distance' can only get longer, as we get older, pages turn yellower...

Last month's Bali getaway with the gang was really fantastic.  Here's a photo of me chilling at the private villa we stayed in, Bodhi Villa, at Payangan, Desa Bukian, near Ubud.

....this letter was left hanging for days.  Won't attempt to finish it for the sake of it.  Till my next letter...

Miss you lots, 

B

breathe again...and memories of Shenzhen

Note to self, breathe.

I tell myself I deserve to breathe and loosen up the grip of my hand on the steering wheels when I drive...

Ego can take you to places but it can also break you, reminder to self. With thanks to Nicole who reminded me.

anyway, while I write, some pictures from my trip to Shenzhen in March....pictures to relax with...coz it's food and travel :)
J and I were in heaven, sweet potato porridge and dishes...
...give me white porridge ANY DAY :)

Anyway, had some crazy weeks before this and some crazy ones ahead but I am happy to find this moment to blog. I like (like so many people in the city too) a busy schedule at work and play but I need to float on top of it.

not that I don't already know this...
"Highly-strung people get more disease...stress major factor in health."

I'm having the most exciting (singing) schedule since I started in the business. I have to juggle between getting to shows on time and learning my music in time to get on stage...also handling disappointments, rejections, complaints, people...just like any normal job ain't it?

But performing is different from say, handling an advertising campaign with a team. Performing is just you, out there and up there, open to anyone and everyone's critic. Criticism comes a lot closer to your heart for the performers. But where reward is due, the satisfaction is sweeter too.

And the thing I have to remind myself about ego, really, sometimes, there's only a thin fine line between...separating misery and happiness. A lot of times, happiness is a matter of the mind...

so...breathe....and live...

anyway, back to more pictures of Shenzhen :)

my man on holidayvery spicy snack
my nick name, what friend Nell calls me

Tailors in Shenzhen

...for those of you who wonder about the tailors I went to in Shenzhen to make those qi-paos..here you go.

the four sequined ones are from -

Shanghai Longfa Fashion
Lot 5080, 5th floor
Luohu Commercial City (LCC)
Mobile - 13 80 2294 625
Email - hell83@163.com
(ask for Ah Xin or Mdm Yang Hong Mei the owner)

the two brocade-lookin' ones are from -

Joey Tailor Shop
Lot 5056A, 5th floor
Luohu Commercial City (LCC)
mobile - 137 141 2700
(ask for Ah Zen or Ah Fan)

cost / price

I asked my hotel receptionist (we stayed in Shanshui Trends Luohu Hotel - not bad) the minute I checked in, where to make qipao. She told me to go to LCC (this hotel also provide free shuttle service to LCC every 15 minutes from the hotel lobby) where she has gone herself to make some dresses. She said for about RMB 100 - 300 you can get a qipao. When I got there myself I realised for the drama-queen design (sequin, laces and the works) that I wanted, I had to pay higher than RMB 300 per dress.

At the end I spent about RMB 500 per qipao, that's around RM 240 each. Which is not bad, consider that in KL, you need to pay about RM 800 or more for a decently tailored qipao.

Bargain and agree on a price before you start ordering anything. Usually they will make you choose or indicate what material/textile you want before quoting a price.



What I learned / Tips
- bring a pic or a sample of what you want to make to show the tailors

I brought these pictures with me there
- be very specific on what you want when you order,

eg. how high you want your collar to be, I wanted the vintage look which is high collar, that's at least about 2inches for my measurement, 2-2.5 inches.

eg. how high you want the dress side slits to be. They will tell what the normal ones are like if you ask. I made a mistake for not asking for a higher slits where it would look nicer

eg. how low or high you want the lining-neckline to be for those who order the lacy/see-thro designs like three of mine (the black/purple, the gold and the white one)

eg. how fitting you want your qipao to be

- mind and consider which material might flatter your body more and what kind is good for which design. Mostly the shop ladies or tailors can advise you on that but have some ideas would help you cut down on decision time...if you haven't a clue on what you like or want when you get there, going to their textile shops might even further confuse you, coz the variety there is dazzling (can be a good thing if you are decisive). Generally the thin, lacy ones shows more flaws as it is more clingy to the body, the stiffer textile flatters more.

- do not get intimidated by those who grab your hand and insist on taking you to their shops for a look-see, just walk on or tell them you want to browse yourself, unless you want to be taken to where they take you. After spending about 15 minutes at the plaza you should be able to tell which vendor is more sincere.

- it is an advantage if you speak Mandarin, many of them at LCC also speak Cantonese. If you speak neither, they do have plenty of Caucasian clients but be prepared to do a lot of explanation until you know they understand you fully. They seemed to like me because I sound like one of them there...

I hope these information help some of you out there who are planning on a trip to China to make qipao...if I think of anything other useful information, I will update this post :)

the vain-pot,
soul doc

my precious qi-paos

Ever since YC put the idea in my head (just over two months ago), I've been dreaming about going to China to get some tailor made qi-paos.

I did it, of course it cost to fly to Shenzhen, and spent two nights there (only crazy people like me n J would something like that...we needed to come back in time for the election!) but the reward is...look at these six pieces I ordered. I ordered four pieces in one shop and two in one other shop at the Louhu Commercial City. They made all of them over night, I picked them up just less than four hours I flew home to KL...


this one is what I wanted all the time, a white long one...but maybe I should have chosen a non-lace one....next order lah!
black & purple...

this one I picked the material with ...in the mood of In The Mood For Love

some can you look bigger....like this one..check out the hips

Ah Xin, the shop girl and me..
with the other shop girls...Ah Zen & Ah Fan, we became fast friends :)

so there you go....my first order...a few things I learn:

be very specific, VERY VERY specific

slits should be higher...

certain colors only look good with certain material, think hard before ordering

etc..

Chiang Mai post, Dec 23 & 24

Spent three days at Chiang Mai few weeks ago. Came home with the travellers' diarrhoea. The adventure was worth it. The cool weather there was worth it, the delicious food, lazing around town with J was worth it. The dresses were worth it...the people were worth it.

pics by J and myself

Dec 23, Sunday
Thapae Gate
Fresh from the airport and after checking into The Chiang Mai White House...eager to exploreCity Silk Co. on Thapae Road was where I ordered two dresses to be made. Didn't plan ahead, it was an impromptu spending spree. Num was taking down notes on what I wanted...I ordered a long and a knee-length evening Thai silk dresses. It was nice of J to wait around for me to finish my business at the tailor before we finally get to get some late late lunch.
outside a shop
scenic cable sceneevening...on the way to dinner we walked thro the Sunday night market at Thapea Gateat the market place...
at the diner
J taking a break from dinner
to the market after dinner, we were fascinated with the tiny traffic lightsI bought the one on the right
the vendor was a fiesty babe...oh I also bought the silk skirt on my shoulder
and it was rather chilly as the night got late...she took refuge from the chill in her box
got warmed up from the walking up and down the stores...found this store with cool footwear
I bought the green ones

Monday, Dec 24
JJ's designer market
the pub action opposite the market
JJ's Hobby Market...ultra coolness

Lost all of my pictures of the third day (Dec 25) adventure due to a memory card gone wonky...sigh* of the mountain biking in the morning..scenic ride and the lakes and the folks we met there, the dogs, the skies, and the dresses fitting and shots with my tailor...

ah well, but I have these shots of all the lovely dogs in Chiang Mai...wonderful dogs :)

sleepy dog...
...wakes up
adorable fella

this little friend here is named Puppy, the resident @ The Chiang Mai White House