On Being Lonely

A few people has put the idea of a 'showgirl journal' in my head seriously, as in, they seriously think it's a good move for me to consider.

That could eventually be a book, something like that.

To do that, I know that one of the things to do is daily writing.  So, let's try this.  Just keeping a simple daily writing..journal thingy going, and put down the incessant flow of thoughts inside my head, onto this space.  Maybe on real printed pages, one day.  Who knows.

I went on a non-date last night with my handsome neighbour and corporate thespian friend Leon, to Phantom of The Opera.  (but we both said it's a date all right!! But it's still a non-date because Ryonn got a partner orediii) It was the Tun Siti Hasmah gala night, and there was going to a pre-show cocktail for some of us, so we both dressed up, I went to the theatre in Leon's nice fancy car - feeling very grown up and nice.  He introduced me to his office mates and I did nothing to hide my non-corporate-like personality.  We took silly videos and photos together during the cocktail.  The show was good, our seats were good, we had wonderful supper and went home.

Leon texted this little group chat we keep with a couple of our buddies today, "My colleagues said my wife/girlfriend from last night is very interesting and fizzy! LOL."

I had to ask him what fizzy means.  "It's like a bubbly soft drink."  Ah, ok.  I am like a carbonated drink, might make one burps.

Anyway, I have digressed again huh?  This is about loneliness.

The going out last night kept me thinking, again, about my single-hood, that is sometimes, links with loneliness.

Generally, I have very little time and mental space to truly 'appreciate' my loneliness.  Despite it being always there looming in the back of the room.  When the time comes, I would think about it for a few moments and enjoy the melancholy, soak it up...but before I know it, my mind wanders off to the next thing I need to do, and want to do.

Distracted?  Yes you bet.  So it seems - I am lonely but I am too distracted to be bothered by it.

In fact, I don't even complain about it - the loneliness.  Don't get me wrong when I say I am lonely, I don't mean it in the conventional sense where one has no friends and is sad about it.  I mean in the sense that I don't have a romantic partner, or a steady - that kind of 'lonely'.

I definitely enjoy the perks of single-hood, and understand that bits that come with that package - the lonely thing.

Just putting it here that I am sometimes lonely, and things aren't so bad so I end up don't do anything about my being single status.  I usually declare that I mostly just want a lover, not a boyfriend.

What is the difference?  You can either google the terms...or I can try to blog about my own terms one day.

Was on dating app for years, Tinder for one.   Made a lot of new friends, met loads of both interesting and very boring men.  Had numerous thoughts about writing stand-up comedy material about my Tinder encounters; wrote some half-assed lyrics for a song about Tinder; kept a diary of my Tinder dates even.

But I'm still here :) single and still quite pleased with it for now.  And have deleted the app some time ago.

OK, I should stop here for now.  If I were to make this blogging a daily feat, gotta make it feasible but not spending too many minutes on one entry.

Wish me luck.