Restless Heart - album-making diary #4 (January 7th, 2015)

 FB entry on January 7th, 2015

[album-making-diary] [Restless Heart album] My friends told me this is the closest I would get to being pregnant - giving birth to an album. I cannot agree more.

All the hours spent inside the studio and near the studio (lunch break, dinner break, suppers, brunch, breakfast, etc); all the hours spent there chatting, working, eating, dreaming, arguing, laughing and crying - I guess, are like the ups and downs of someone waiting to go into labour.

It dawned on me only a short while ago (weeks) that for first timer in album-making, am charging in this brand new field with am ambition so colossal that you would think am either stupid or foolish, or both. A full album of 10 songs that I hope to complete within two moths, all of the songs selected vastly challenging.

If it wasn't for my ego (to finish what I have started) and how foolishly dreamy I am - I would have deem this project suicidal and lethal and raise the white flag. Secondly, "the show must go on" - for the love of those who believe in me and became part of the project and left me a piece of themselves - without these lovers I cannot go on.

We started recording vocals on the 4th song last night. The album title song is now ready to be mixed. It was emotional to listen to the rough mix of Restless Heart and recalled the years I have behind me since I first learn this killer song. I told my producer Seah Song-fan that I am finally proud, of myself (not because the singing on the track is perfect) - for the work that have gone into the song. Thank you Zalina Lee and Elvira Arul for lending your crazy magic in the back up vocals. And Tay Cher Siang for being bossy enough to make me do this, much much love to you, stay bossy.

The songs on this album requires the full spectrum of a singer's voice and abilities - thanks to the faith (and talent) that my composers/arranger have on me, for writing beautiful but complicated materials that call for a `super singer' to take on. The range, tone and character required to do the songs well are frankly, beyond me at the moment. "What were you thinking Janet??" I guess I wasn't thinking enough when the material came to me, I fell in love with the songs and with my own stories and I dived head in, now my body is wet and and cold but my soul is very happy, despite being very scared.

Of course then came along the madness and intensity of an artist from another planet, Song-fan Seah who was crazy enough to say "Let me help you." Without even knowing the album material first, he invested his belief in me.

Now months later, and hundreds of hours of coaching later - Song-fan is still deep in coaxing and guiding the better versions of me to come into light. His bottomless energy (is freaking out of the world that I think he is alien) and tireless approach in teaching moved me so and help me stay focus in the recording booth - no matter how many times I have been asked to sing a line, I keep going, because he can.

Constructive feedback from Song-fan and colleagues help me discover so much of my own voice I never heard or know. It is like living under the same roof with this person for so many years and now for the first time, discovering a new, extremely attractive side of her that you have previously overlooked. Or like staying in the same house all your life but never ever step foot in a room full of treasures - and discovering it after 10 years (this one calls for a separate entry).

I can hear my own voice now, some are clear and confident, some are shy and unsure of itself, yet. There's still so much to do before I wrap the vocal recording of all 10 songs and am happy to say that I'm hooked on the process of discovering. The work is tedious and at times rather gruesome but the rewards are...I have no word for it.

It's a good time to be alive now. Thank you for reading this long post and I hope to share more stories again soon. The studio schedule is hectic this month (this is the last stretch of the race) but there will be lots of updates soon, regarding the Restless Heart concert this March at DPAC. - so sit tight and stay tune.

Album cover shoot next week!!! Weeeeeeee!
#restlessheart #janetleealbum #albummaking #debutalbum #janetleemusic#grateful #living #album #music #janetwrites #diary

Restless Heart - album-making diary #3 (December 16th, 2014)

FB entry on Dec 16th on my FB page :) 
[restless-heart-debut-album] As I scramble to piece the album together with my villagers and the occasional foreign troupes in the music department, I have to sit myself down now and get started with the album cover and CD booklet artwork concepts.  

Images, visions and colours flying towards me and past me from all directions (it's all inside my head, mind you)...I ask myself, "Who are you? What are you?" "What were your favourite portraits?" I open pages and website of my favourite fashion blogger Scott Schuman (The Sartorialist) and walk among the pages of his two books, hoping to find versions of myself there. 

When I answer the question of what I am, the only answer I have so far is: a bohemian with a restless heart. This photo was taken last year at The Star for a feature interview...you can tell who was the stylist for the look  What do you think? The direction of a maybe...slightly glam-up bohemian..

Starting out - debut album making diary #1 (July 5th)

Remember taking notes in class, at lectures?  Only you yourself understand your own handwriting and notes, scribbles and symbols, codes and anecdotes... I want to record whatever I can remember from the session yesterday so that I could remember what I need to execute now, as well as providing a diary of this journey so I could look back to this day in future.

So these notes may not be cohesive or anything close to it...just my scribbles :)

July 5th, Saturday 3-6pm.

So here we go...am a bag of emotions, all mixed up.  There's going to be lots of growing up to do in the next few months, or should I say, there's no better way to grow up than to give yourself a decision to make an album, produce it yourself - that is certainly an express lane to growing up - fast.

Song-fan gave me a call few weeks ago to chat about a potential music project that he is hoping to embark on soon, with me :) being the people we are, one topic leads swiftly to others and came my album making topic... "You didn't tell me it's going to be this soon!?" He exclaimed over the phone.  I told him it's going to be just me and my vocal coaches - for the album - to nail the singing parts.  He offered to vocal produce for me.  "Really?!!  Nobody has been interested to produce my singing for this and I thought my repertoire too odd and the project too `shiok-sendiri' to approach anyone else, besides...I can't afford it I suppose.." I confessed.

Anyway, we are going to see things go before he and I make a deal on this one.  He told me to start some studio hours now to get myself comfortable singing in a recording booth.  So we had our first session yesterday.  It went better than I thought :) I was as clueless as anything but now I know, I need a vocal producer.

Song-fan started singing from a young age, trained and worked as audio engineer, more than a decade  of voice-over works and 9 years in performing arts and now, TV.  His understanding of studio recording and his talent in coaching are now looking to be quite indispensable for my recording...ya, really.

We worked on two songs yesterday - Carmen and Restless Heart.  Carmen was selected as an exercise piece because it has a good range of dynamics, quite wordy (hence good for working on my Mandarin diction) and big tessitura.  Restless Heart (composition by Cher Siang with my lyrics) was chosen because a) I have the minus one track, b) stark difference of style from Carmen, c) it's going to be in the album.

Notes to self, tips for studio recording:  (credits to Song-fan's coaching)

1) Volume of singing in the booth: calculated and controlled - often a lower volume of singing in the recording booth helps achieve much more expressions and finesse.  Volume and projection used on a live stage for live audience may not work at recording.  Key words: focus, intimate, close range projection, "subtle intensity"...

2) Projection of audience in the booth: without any audience inside the booth, to help the performer/singer connect closer to the future audience - people who are going to pop the CD into the car stereo or a CD player - imagine the distance of the listener/audience from the mouth or face of the singer.  As close as the microphone?  An arm's reach away?  Once you have decided, you can gage the volume and intensity that should be applied onto your delivery.

We did the session in the recording room downstairs of StarMount Studio where the newly open little cafe is.  This soundproof room has a live feel and it was rather easy to sing in.  We tried my singing without any reverb on my mic (AKG condenser) - SF said that zero reverb setting is wonderful for hearing one own's pitching and flaws.  It was surprisingly...not as impossible as I thought it would be.

I started by singing through Carmen in one take, then all of us listened to the recording in the control room with Alex.  We heard the raw recording, void of effects and without the music too.  SF said the mic may have given my voice a rounder and warmer quality than my `normal voice'.

Tackling the first note of the song was a bitch that day.  The key was C#.  Ever since I started listening to myself more, singing my starting note for Carmen has often been a `hit-or-miss' affair...really annoying.  After many takes and working on my nerves, the C# got slightly better...I am reminded again that many a times, a problem in singing is greatly affected by our fears - a mental condition.  Your head could well ruin your music if you don't do something about it.

Volume.  I enjoyed singing in a much lower volume, singing close to the mic filter..and biting into the little nuances and expressions that could be heard crystal clear in my headphones.  I've done enough jingles to know the thrill of hearing everything amplified on studio condenser mics it's been a long time since my last recording of any song in full length.

We focused on the song's opening and up to the "L'amour" bits just before the main chorus of the song.  That went on for about an hour and then we moved on to Restless Heart.

I did a one take sing-through of the song.  After which SF gave me a rather gravely expression :) haha, there's much work - treatment and talk-through that was needed for this song.

Halfway through Alex needed to leave the control room for a bit to settle his piano-tuner business upstairs so we were left alone to work on the treatment, experimenting and discussion on the song.  Before Alex went upstairs I did another sing-through, with a much more gentle, subtle volume, varied dynamics.

"Don't just give the song attacks everywhere, volumes, and belt all through the song. "

What we covered / what SF requested/suggested:
a) recitative - reworked the idea of volume for this chunk and delivery of lyrics, like 'how to sing without sounding like singing".
b) treatment of tone and dynamics of the chorus
c) giving different dynamics and mood for the repeated higher notes in the song
d) changing breathing places for certain parts of chorus and making lyrical line longer without breathe place "...and I'm down on my knees I know you are smiling down on me."

might try to break the sentence proper into:

When the water runs dry and I'm down on my knees /
but I know you are smiling down on me saying' /
things will be all right /
when you start to sing /

e) giving the word 'sigh' its rightful tone of sigh :)

...lots to think about, to experiment, lots of questions, lots to be coached...and many songs to work through.  The panicky feeling will be replaced with excitement when I start to (well, I have started) work through these old and new songs.

We hung out at the studio cafe after the session, over coffees, tea, vegetarian mini pie, scones and cookies.  Alex specially mentioned the butter when he was serving the scones...true, the taste and texture of this salted butter named 'La Belle d'Andaine' (I asked to be shown the butter packaging) was pretty awesome.  I look forward to another session at the studio...and cafe.

Callista took lots of photos for me at the studio :)

Philippe Gaulier's Neutral Mask and Greek Tragedy master class - day five (Augst 18th)

Last day. Feeling glad that I took the plunge to do this.

The Facebook page link for this workshop HERE.  My FB album of this workshop.
The official photographer Will and his photos from the workshop HERE.

Morning session: neutral mask work, playing steel.

Afternoon session with invited guests/observers

Afternoon game: Neutral mask line - "Touch Michiko"

Scene and text works -

Antigone played by EeWen, Sharon, Janet & Anrie in consecutive rounds with choruses

Creon played by Coby, Yeo & Ghafir in consecutive rounds with choruses

My play with Antigone (paired with Yeo as Creon) was short-lived but again, it was a thoroughly satisfying experience for me.  Again, I used singing to move my text along.  The soundtrack playing for me and the female chorus was West Side Story.  So I sang the text to the tune of "I Have A Love".  The regal and innocent Antigone walked tall next to the menacing Creon and his men.  I was stopped after the short monologue, and told that though my portrayal was elegant and beautiful, I came across more like a cunning politician and female villain, like Clytemrestra.  Philippe said he would call if he needed to cast Clytemrestra.

I got to continue as female chorus with Anrie as Antigone leading us.  The female chorus made a handsome Greek chorus singers.  It helped to have EeWen in the group.  At many junctures I got to assist the group by singing to the company the text of Antigone, while Antigone moved as the lady, playing alongside the really menacing Ghafir as Creon.

Magician dance - `finalists' - Jo, Bernard & Tiong Wooi
Text: Iliad [The Death Of Hector]

Antigone and Creon

 Antigone and Creon

To conclude...with my incoherent thoughts:

even two weeks after the workshop and having played over some of the scenes from the workshop in my head, it is hard for me to summarise in a technical fashion of what I have learned as an actor.  If I look at the experience as keeping count of achievements in my CV then I guess signing up for the workshop and staying put throughout count as one for me.

Constantly seizing the calls to get on stage to play is another achievement.  Having the balls to finally relax in class counts.  Staying committed to my games is another.  Watching intently while others played is big in the learning curve.

Watching classmates make love with the texts, braving on stage, playing risky games, investing high emotions into their playing...etc.

We were taught, reminded to always invest joy, ownership, commitment, organic emotions, personality into our performance.  We were taught to play with space on stage.


Priceless was what we built in class with others, the bond of minds.  And the open-mindedness of classmates, non-judgemental air of the class.  And the possibility of just playing, and laughing out loud, or crying when something moves you so.


I have to stop here as nothing intelligible is coming through but I will revisit this blog post and add to it whenever something I recall well comes to me.

Philippe Gaulier's Neutral Mask and Greek Tragedy master class - day four (August 17th)

Morning session: Neutral mask work exploring playing animals - tiger, cat, reptiles

Afternoon session: theatre garden in session

works: Antigone & Creon, Iliad (Death of Hector), Libation Bearers (Elektra & Orestes)

notes:

play space, create attractive tension by putting distance between two characters/choruses

Multiple couples of Antigone and Creon played their scenes.  Slowly Greek choruses were added to the exercise.  We learned how the lead actors and his and her choruses should help make the scene.

Somehow, something caught his attention, Philippe asked me to read The Death of Hector from my `audience seat' within the square of the `theatre space', completely without any movements except my facial expressions.  I spoke-sang the text and played all the dynamics that I knew at hand, improvising on the spot of what I thought could make the performance interesting.  My body trembled with the over-attention of not being able to use any movement to perform, my heart raced wildly as I savored the text, though I enjoyed the space given to me to make my own moment on that stage.  An indeed surreal experience.  The teachers gave me words like 'Beautiful' for some of the bits of my performance.  I wish I could remember this feeling for a long time.

Jo K and Ghafir then played the Electra and Orestes scene with Greek choruses.  The experienced actors gave us a rather delicious serving of drama...and when the class was over, a small group huddled to cry over (yes, tears) the moving performance.   Happy day.

Philippe Gaulier's Neutral Mask and Greek Tragedy master class - day two (August 15th)

"I don't care if you do good or you do bad, I just want you to give a piece of your life in your performance."

"Don't give the academic style, tell them to fuck off."

Philippe Gualier and wife/assistant, Michiko Miyasaki

The `earth-glue' turned walking humans, quoting Greek tragedy texts

The raging sea

The melting glue

Today's platform for playing the ground of tragedy:

Earth

Glue

The tempest at sea

the emptiness has brought fruits

Waiting it out, the draught that has brought on so many different emotions.

First there was clusters of panic feelings and negative thoughts and the wandering mind.  Then after the initial dwellings of meaningless thoughts the rational task force team sprung into action, several attempts to steer the ship towards brighter shores.

While several positive action-plan took place, part of me took on the empty days with new learned glee.   It has been a funky place to be, am still here, hopefully not for long. Some of these days span out with such lyrical grace that I have not experienced for the longest time.

The leisurely yoga class, the therapeutic cooking, the solitary meals eaten without haze, leisurely dish washing, staring into space while the music plays, reading pages after pages without a care to rush to a sound check, organising stacks of different homework on the floor of my study, reading late into the nights, sleeping in.
There were countless conversations.  Mostly intimate ones, one to one.  I had organised another round of giving away clothes I cleared out from the `store/guest room'.  The most productive meetings for friends, the girls would come, one by one.  We would chat, while clothes would get tried on, and I would showed her to Tommy cafe and I'd get some bread or a drink from her in return for my pre-loved wardrobe.  Old friendship rekindled, clothes get new homes and I get free bread.  Perfect arrangement.

And then there are the dark dark thoughts and emotions that have
 lingered too long, overstayed its welcome but seem to have taken a permanent residence.  I have learned to stay afloat and stay in the battle no matter what comes.

Two new sets of lyrics were emailed to composer during these `empty days'.

Neck got hurt badly and warranted the attention of a chiropractor.

I have learned how to stir fry vegetables I have not cooked before. I enjoy improvising over the kitchen top.

Phone went missing/stolen all within a span of 5-minutes on a rare trip in a mall last week.  Now owner of a swanky and sleek new phone and more bills to pay.  Savings account needs massive work.

Finished reading Susan Cain's [Quiet] and Jeanette Winterson's [Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal].  Super satisfied with Winterson's unapologetic story of depression and bad childhood, her observations of life and art are so brash, harsh and inspiring at the same time.

I have read her The Power Book and Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit - time to get her other titles.

Just some of the quotes that I shared on FB, from her [Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal]:

"Creative work bridges time because the energy of art is not time-bound. If it were we should have no interest in the art of the past, except as history and documentary. But our interest in art is our interest in ourselves both now and always. Here and forever. There is a sense of the human spirit as always existing. This makes our own death more bearable. Life + art is a boisterous communion/communication with the dead. It is a boxing match with time."

"....trouble is just something that has been filed in the wrong place. That is what Jung was explaining of course - as the chaos of our unconscious contents strive to find their rightful place in the index of consciousness."


....so anyway,

You make a decision to live on and live long, so just strife and let that decision bring you down the road....and hope each new decision you make bring you more inspiration to strife more.

un bon week-end en Juillet (a good weekend in July)

Not caring to be eloquent, so I just let the words come out.  It's just a diary of what I did over the weekend and I want to remember them.  I had a swell time, I did.

Saturday July 6th -

Yoga now starts at 930am instead of 9am.  Class finished by 11am, I head home straight instead of wondering at Plaza Damas for a nice alfresco brunch and read a book.  I need to stay on a string budget for this interesting two month period.  So I came home, made porridge, cooked a nice batch of stir fry long cabbage with fried eggs, opened a can of pickle.  Really really nice lunch.  The portion I cooked were enough for that lunch, dinner and the next day breakfast.

After lunch I did some music theory homework.  Rhythm tapping, a real mess but I managed to make myself do it.  Also writing down the whole seven major scales with sharps - G, D, A, E, B, F# and C#.

Saturday FB status:
Active idling in session, hanging with Jobim and Lisa Ono. music meditation starts here.

Yea, I dust off the old CD player I kept for years and put a CD on, it worked!  So I sat listening to Lisa Ono singing Jobim songs.  First time in years that I listened to a CD playing in my dining hall.

I had some hours before going to the Selangor Phil concert at night.  I spent the good part of afternoon going through my storage clothes in the guest room, hung some of them up, the vintage collection is super.  I cleared out two bags of clothes to rid of, freed up one big plastic storage bag, folded it and kept it away.  More space in the guest room.  The mission is to slowly store away things in that room so it looks less like a store room.  Big bag of paper shopping bags that I've kept for years, sigh, they should have be gone ages ago.

I like the achievement so far.  Invited people on FB to come and pick whatever clothes they want off the pile I cleared out.  I think I took a short nap before I finally start to get ready for the concert.  I left the carpark at 830pm!  Stepped into the auditorium during the first song.

Absolutely moved by the unmistakably genuine joy of performing by the amateurs on stage, I sat grinning mostly from beginning of the show till the end - extremely satisfied and inspired by the Selangor Phil choir members.  I drove over to Alexis Ampang and caught two sets of high energy music with the Ee Jeng gang and the young powerhouse Irma Saliman.  Boston music graduate, too young and too talented, attractive and friendly.  Meeting young and exciting musicians always serve its purpose, am both motivated and slightly intimidated, by their style, the sheer youth and potential.


Sunday July 7th -

Cassie came over to get some clothes.  Taller and very lean, she makes my clothes look more chic on her figure.  It was some quality chats before I packed the clothes for her and showed her where Tommy Lee shop is.

Did some singing before heading out to the Moon Bar Sunset Jazz jam.   Stopped over to see Mama first, and had some curry and fried rice...so I could waltzed into the jam session a bit later than 5pm.  Many players turned up.  Mia Palencia family included!  Of course Junji managed to get Mia to jam two songs, such a treat for the folks.  She did swing Lullaby Of Birdland with the house band (David Gomes piano, Anthony bass, Jordan Rivers guitar and Steve on drums) and funky Funny Valentine.

I sat there listening and not allowing the nerves consume me too much.  But it was clear that the environment was friendly and Junji just wanted everybody to have a go with music.  Crazy Cheryl sang Straight Up No Chaser with lyrics she just learned hours before, what I can say.  I will not rush myself, I will take my repertoire slow and easy, hopefully steady.

My first number was Night And Day, the line-up I got with me was: Melvin on piano, Meng on guitar, Anthony on bass (house band member that day), Bob on drums, on saxes - Julian Chan (alto) and Jeff (tenor).  Junji let the singers have two songs each so I picked C'est si bon next.  Anthony took the lead and set the song to bossa.

It felt like a mini festival there.  Non stop jazz music and booze, food and people to talk to and exchange ideas and for me, to absorb as much useful vibes and input.

I have to go back to the session every chance I have.  Need the training.

Learning some new standards:

I'll Be Seeing You (for a wedding gig in September, client's request)

Frim Fram Sauce, for my own pleasure
Darling je vois aime beaucoup

Other songs already on the learn list since a while back:

The Good Life
My Favourite Things
Illusion (Gregory Porter)

Right on.  It's been the most surreal and satisfying weekend.  Funnily ironic that I have been home not by choice but because I haven't got any booking these weeks - since June 29th, and home I've been, and very satisfying...the cooking, listening to recordings, reading, homework, quiet things and such. But when am out I get myself tipsy with beer or wine.

I could get used to this lovely assortment of sleeping in, napping in the afternoon, reading, cooking and eating alone, see friends at home, going to classes and coming home with homework, writing.  But something gotta bring in the cash for the upkeep of everything.

Am looking forward to the theatre work starting middle of next month.  I forget that the involuntary break is not quite two-month long - Butterfly Lovers rehearsal start possibly from August 19th.

After I pay the bills there's not much left for too much spending, especially with my bulk savings that took a steep dip after Peru and London.  Now's the time to say this over and over, thanks to Horng Yih's reminder:

We want a lot more, though we need a lot less.

Letter one hundred - Day two hundred and fifty-six of your vacation

Dearest J,

There's a lost ant on my table now.  I remember one of your pet dislike is ants... This big black fat ant is going all direction, and not really going anywhere...looks lost.

I came home from dinner at your place.  I fed Hilary and Hussein before leaving the house.  Played with Hilary for a while.  Tristan tried petting her but his pet was more like smacking her on the head and belly so she ran away from him.  He is likely going to grow up to like animals, a more lucky urban boy who's allowed to touch animals.

Had a bad case of infection the night before I left for Phnom Penh, went out to see a doctor late at night.  While filling up the hospital registration form, I had to fill out the `next of kin' column, I felt a bang of something in my stomach then because I couldn't put you down as my next of kin no more.  I looked up my phone for my sister's mobile number and wrote it down on the form.

Here's a photo for you, taken at Phnom Penh's Russian market, by Kid Chan.  I was there doing what you'd call, the Janet-thing, shopping, posing and shopping...

I was holding a zip shoulder bag made of recycled material.

It's going to be a full day tomorrow.  Will end it with dinner with your folks, your dad and Alex are not around so it's going to be an all-girl outing, we are celebrating your birthday, eating together.

Missing you lots,

B

Letter eighty-seven- Day one-hundred-and-fifty-three of your vacation

Dearest J,

I think I had a hallucination the other day, bright morning.  I was still in bed though, by now am pretty convinced that I dreamed it.  I watched Black Swan the night before, pretty freaky movie it was.

Anyway, I `dreamed' you came to me.  The weight of your body and the warmth of your body were very vivid.  One of those rare, vivid dreams I suppose.

Am printing some demo CDs for clients, this time in a proper...manner?  There's a CD cover and there's track listing inlay and every CD will have my name printed on it.  Callista helped me put the designs together.  This is the photo we put on the cover.  You took this shot, in 2008, June 14th at One World Hotel PJ.  I just got off stage from singing, a candid shot.

Am glad the feeling is I don't mourn the loss of my chance of having photographed by you from now on.  I treasure that you had painstakingly followed me to so many outings and waited on those precious moments, to capture a spirit in time, now frozen in time, in a jpeg file.

Thursday had her 4th shower yesterday.  She's grown so much bigger since the last shower.  She's sitting on my lap now as I write.  I always wonder what's in her head.

I told Sushee that this is a time where I realise am making a conscious decision and a personal sacrifice, for Thursday.  This flat used to be able to stay quite clean for at least one whole week after cleaning, if I keep the windows shut.  These days the cat contributes hugely in transferring her cat litter to just about every corner of the flat, with the exception of corners she has no access to.  Her fur littered any surface she goes to.

This reminds me of your hair too...around the house.

Love is sacrifice?  We used to turn each other's annoying little habits into endearing traits.  I am learning to live with cat fur, scratched furniture (and limps), cleaning up after her everyday...because am not ready to give her up.  I love watching her stretch out on the rug and relax, play in front of the mirror, eat, focus on an imaginary fly...

I have Laksmi come over once a week now, she lives down the road.  She also goes to Tommy's flat every week to help out.  She has a daughter in India studying nursing.  I buy her snacks before she goes off every time.  Her hour rate is too low, but that's the norm for many independent housekeeper in town. I have the choice of paying her more.  She does a great job and she is very kind.

Am going to make something to eat now.

Am reading Tender Is The Night Now (F. Scott Fitzgerald), I gave up on Steppen Wolf two days ago...I couldn't dive into the darkness with that creature in the book.

Love you lots.

B

high & low

I have not been to India before, it's a destination on my to-visit list. Where I live now, it feels like a mini-Little-India in town, although the actual Little India is a couple of main roads away in Masjid India, Semua House and all that jazz.

My study room window overlooks a narrow road named Suppiah Pillay where it's scattered with two road-side food stalls, a shabby car workshop (where a slow moving breast-feeding black dog resides), a roti-man snack food distributor and other businesses, don't know what. In the near distance is the elevated highway that links Jalan Ipoh to Jalan Duta where the highway can take you to wherever you wanna go, Bangsar, down town to Bukit Bintang, Jalan Kuching, Petaling Jaya, TTDI, Puchong...you name it.

When it's not scorching hot outside, I like to have my window open to let in a slice of the outside life. You can smell the burning incense from all the way up on 21st floor, faint Indian music from a radio somewhere, dogs barking...and if you are lucky you even smell someone's dinner.

I like all of these because it's a sign of life, it's a friendly place buzzing with life. Though when am driving home from somewhere there's always annoying double or triple parking right at the entrance of the flat. J told me to see it as a sigh of this place being very `happening'. ....hehe, after all, it's named Viva.

The shop lots down on the ground & first floor are taking shape extremely slowly, there was a buzz of renovation activities for about a week and then now it's all closed up and not a buzz of work. I hope the vendors come in soon else we are just here with 7-Eleven and this corner pub of mostly talk dark handsome Indian blokes with beer bellies. Though the pub serves fantabulous pasta and its kitchen closes pretty late (or early morning).

I like sitting inside the Indian restaurant just by the side of the flat and looking out to the street, having warm dahl with plain Thosai and watching the guy at the Appam counter scratching & tugging at his pants while making a fresh one.

Back inside my flat, I do a daily wind-chasing routine. At different times of the day the wind direction and speed changes so I leave different windows and doors open and close at different times of the day. I have seen heavy storms and hot humid days thro these huge windows. To mute the heat & traffic noise from outside, I bring the curtains down and put some my crazy 2-HP air conditioner in the hall. When the sun goes down I draw the curtain to open the home to the `NYC' city landscape outside, bringing in fresh evening breeze for my hit-the-sack view.

Will see how long it takes before I get over my intoxication of this place, hopefully it takes forever...

Not saying goodbye

Perth was incredibly hot this March. It was as if we brought the Malaysian climate to down south.

Dama did it again, bringing Malaysian Dama-Orchestra style theatre to the Perth folks. Many, many of our audience in this second Dama-at-His-Majesty's Theatre outing were Malaysians living in Perth or other parts of Australia.

I remember being on standby with Sam & Soo Suan backstage minutes before the overture starts, back in the KLPac staging, my heart was in my throat and my heart beat louder than the drums as the music started.

That Friday night in Perth at the magnificent His Majesty's Theatre, on opening night, however, I didn't have to manage as many butterflies as I did back in October last year. I was half relieved and half apprehensive about my lack of nerves. I was half relieved because I work best when I am relax on stage, half apprehensive because I fear I was losing enthusiasm in my part.

But I know I wasn't. Having gone down so many awkward to hilarious to emotional paths in the rehearsal rooms, it would be hard to let Lulu go so soon. How can I?

Lulu's earrings, my own prop, I borrowed it from my vast earring collection during early rehearsal and it became the real prop on stage. This will be my only accessory from the show that I get to keep because they're mine, in every sense of the word.

My first real kiss on stage, thank you Sam for doing most of the work, and our 'threesome' partner, Kai Loon for having the patience, and the patience with us.

My first bob wig in a Twiggy dress, thank you Dominique :)

My first real, true-to-god, heart-wrenching experience in bringing out the pain & tears from Lulu, a happy person. Thank you to all of you who helped me explore the emotions.

My first mother role on stage, what a joy to have a cutie like you Bobby :)

I have the folks who called the shot in Dama Orchestra to thank, for having the faith in me to play this role, and to tackle an incredible song like Red Face. It's them who gave me the opportunity to learn on the job to play Lulu, and thus nudging me ahead to further my studies, and training in stage craft...ok, acting.

I remember my fear for stage acting. I would refused to attend any audition if acting is an element in the show being put up. It took a few years for me to realise what a dork I was, singing and performing is never far from stage acting. They all go together, dancing, singing & acting...when you are not shy from these, only then you become a learner of the stage, and maybe, a performer.

But honestly, after a handful of musicals & theatre outings, I still have shivers just thinking about the enormous task of bringing a character on stage. What a great responsibility it is, to ask the audience to trust you in bringing them to the world of your character and live in your make believe world for two hours.

Because it's sheer magic, so I'm staying put in theatre. I would be lucky if I get one chance in a year to work in the theatre but I am grateful if I have it at all.

Till the next one.

Saw this in KLPac wall recently, that's me in the middle with two ladies of The Magic Flute, I played Second Lady in the concert of the wonderful Singspiel by Mozart in 2007. (First Lady was played by Kho Mei Ling, Third Lady by Wang DiXia, the shot below were Prince Tamino, played by Peter Ong and on the right was Papageno, played by James Long)

Blogging with photos again

OMG, can't remember the last time I've been away from blogging for so long. Though my last entry is only just Nov but seriously, my blogging frequency is all time low this second half of 2009.

I started this entry with the intention to write, but looks like I realise it is faster to tell a story with images than putting my thoughts together in words, and to do it cohesively, I need more time - and I don't have time today, it's eve of Christmas! I am going out to buy some potatoes for my smashed potatoes dish tonight!!

So here goes, my fabulous life so far in images :)

Merry Christmas and new happy year to all

:D

pic by Callista

fooling around after Curve Christmas launch gig, my first pair of wings!! Thank you Leticia (Event Wizards)!!

Singapore Tourism Board wanted us again, The Three Little Bitches caroling to editors in town early in December. Zalina (middle) arranged the medley for our outing this time :) Nicole (left) arranged for the costume (from Dominique Devorsine's magic shop of costumes)

Sometime this year, somewhere off stage at gigs, I found myself a willing subject (object?) of photography...by none other than my amazing and funny band leader, Cher Siang.

pic by Tay Cher Siang

There he is, doing the shadow-play on his keyboard, Cher Siang and his fellow FBI agent (see previous post for clue in on the FBI agents band) Vincent Ong on double bass.

I've been ZUNGed! Zung of The Photoz gave me this at this gig - the fabulous wedding of Michael & Amanda at JW Marriott in Starhill.

Now on to something new I picked up more than a year ago, dancing. I took up dancing class at Caterpillar studio because I don't want to be a singer with two left feet, also I was quitting from a gym (running on the treadmill with loud music around you is no fun really), I needed a good replacement of work out activity. Ann Tan (principal in Caterpillar) is a wonderful dance teacher, a woman, and friend. Look what she helped me do...

the 3rd routine I did at our 2nd studio concert (Groovylicious Charity Concert), Tango-ish lap dance, we named it The Sizzling Housewives (most of the classmates are hot mothers) - it's a reprise from our first concert back in June.

I passed Ann a CD of sexy cabaret numbers, Fever (Holiday), songs from Chicago, Cabaret and I included Sondheim & Madonna's Hanky Panky (Dick Tracy) on the disc...it ended up as our concert item. I was at first cursing at the tempo and having to catch up with the choreography...well you know what, practice make perfect, in my case, it was practice makes me better.

The opening number of the concert was...erm, in costumes (police woman, cow girl, nurse, school girls, devil...) :) from our Monday morning class of Sizzle & Burn. A cardio lap dance class, with who else, very hot mothers and me.

The last item was attitude & energy-filled Kill The Lights (Britney Spears), a routine we started months before in the Tuesday's jazz class. Pic by Justin. Also in the picture is Manuella from Belgium, she choreographed the Sizzling Housewives item.

Ann gave me a slot for my sing-songing. I picked New York New York. Nerve-wrecking to be on the dance floor singing by myself with no dancers...but I love it at the end.

With that...my acting workshop also took its last bow on Tuesday this week. I was given the chance to work on Stella Kon's Emily Of Emerald Hill. The verdict is that I hadn't done enough research and homework on the 4-page scene given to me. Ling and Kok Man did their best with our 14-class duration and all 15 of us walked out of the workshop with new knowledge, new ideas and reminders of the work ahead of us, if we were to continue on the tough tough path of acting and performing.

the class of 2009, Kok Man & Ling Tan in front. Karen missing from the last class, she is at down under visiting her daughter.

Ok, it's really time to get going and buy those potatoes & vege. My most current project and no less exciting, my first home, a flat named Viva :) am moving to Jalan Ipoh next month. A brand new beginning, of hopefully, more home cook meals, and less clutter (I have two ceiling-height wardrobes and a guest room at my disposal for clothes).

Home in the making...second hand chandeliers from Amcorp Mall flea market, thanks to Seeming!! Secondhand leather reclining chair (for my Mr Big, J) from Mudah.com

Happy new year!