the emptiness has brought fruits

Waiting it out, the draught that has brought on so many different emotions.

First there was clusters of panic feelings and negative thoughts and the wandering mind.  Then after the initial dwellings of meaningless thoughts the rational task force team sprung into action, several attempts to steer the ship towards brighter shores.

While several positive action-plan took place, part of me took on the empty days with new learned glee.   It has been a funky place to be, am still here, hopefully not for long. Some of these days span out with such lyrical grace that I have not experienced for the longest time.

The leisurely yoga class, the therapeutic cooking, the solitary meals eaten without haze, leisurely dish washing, staring into space while the music plays, reading pages after pages without a care to rush to a sound check, organising stacks of different homework on the floor of my study, reading late into the nights, sleeping in.
There were countless conversations.  Mostly intimate ones, one to one.  I had organised another round of giving away clothes I cleared out from the `store/guest room'.  The most productive meetings for friends, the girls would come, one by one.  We would chat, while clothes would get tried on, and I would showed her to Tommy cafe and I'd get some bread or a drink from her in return for my pre-loved wardrobe.  Old friendship rekindled, clothes get new homes and I get free bread.  Perfect arrangement.

And then there are the dark dark thoughts and emotions that have
 lingered too long, overstayed its welcome but seem to have taken a permanent residence.  I have learned to stay afloat and stay in the battle no matter what comes.

Two new sets of lyrics were emailed to composer during these `empty days'.

Neck got hurt badly and warranted the attention of a chiropractor.

I have learned how to stir fry vegetables I have not cooked before. I enjoy improvising over the kitchen top.

Phone went missing/stolen all within a span of 5-minutes on a rare trip in a mall last week.  Now owner of a swanky and sleek new phone and more bills to pay.  Savings account needs massive work.

Finished reading Susan Cain's [Quiet] and Jeanette Winterson's [Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal].  Super satisfied with Winterson's unapologetic story of depression and bad childhood, her observations of life and art are so brash, harsh and inspiring at the same time.

I have read her The Power Book and Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit - time to get her other titles.

Just some of the quotes that I shared on FB, from her [Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal]:

"Creative work bridges time because the energy of art is not time-bound. If it were we should have no interest in the art of the past, except as history and documentary. But our interest in art is our interest in ourselves both now and always. Here and forever. There is a sense of the human spirit as always existing. This makes our own death more bearable. Life + art is a boisterous communion/communication with the dead. It is a boxing match with time."

"....trouble is just something that has been filed in the wrong place. That is what Jung was explaining of course - as the chaos of our unconscious contents strive to find their rightful place in the index of consciousness."


....so anyway,

You make a decision to live on and live long, so just strife and let that decision bring you down the road....and hope each new decision you make bring you more inspiration to strife more.