Letter eighty-seven- Day one-hundred-and-fifty-three of your vacation

Dearest J,

I think I had a hallucination the other day, bright morning.  I was still in bed though, by now am pretty convinced that I dreamed it.  I watched Black Swan the night before, pretty freaky movie it was.

Anyway, I `dreamed' you came to me.  The weight of your body and the warmth of your body were very vivid.  One of those rare, vivid dreams I suppose.

Am printing some demo CDs for clients, this time in a proper...manner?  There's a CD cover and there's track listing inlay and every CD will have my name printed on it.  Callista helped me put the designs together.  This is the photo we put on the cover.  You took this shot, in 2008, June 14th at One World Hotel PJ.  I just got off stage from singing, a candid shot.

Am glad the feeling is I don't mourn the loss of my chance of having photographed by you from now on.  I treasure that you had painstakingly followed me to so many outings and waited on those precious moments, to capture a spirit in time, now frozen in time, in a jpeg file.

Thursday had her 4th shower yesterday.  She's grown so much bigger since the last shower.  She's sitting on my lap now as I write.  I always wonder what's in her head.

I told Sushee that this is a time where I realise am making a conscious decision and a personal sacrifice, for Thursday.  This flat used to be able to stay quite clean for at least one whole week after cleaning, if I keep the windows shut.  These days the cat contributes hugely in transferring her cat litter to just about every corner of the flat, with the exception of corners she has no access to.  Her fur littered any surface she goes to.

This reminds me of your hair too...around the house.

Love is sacrifice?  We used to turn each other's annoying little habits into endearing traits.  I am learning to live with cat fur, scratched furniture (and limps), cleaning up after her everyday...because am not ready to give her up.  I love watching her stretch out on the rug and relax, play in front of the mirror, eat, focus on an imaginary fly...

I have Laksmi come over once a week now, she lives down the road.  She also goes to Tommy's flat every week to help out.  She has a daughter in India studying nursing.  I buy her snacks before she goes off every time.  Her hour rate is too low, but that's the norm for many independent housekeeper in town. I have the choice of paying her more.  She does a great job and she is very kind.

Am going to make something to eat now.

Am reading Tender Is The Night Now (F. Scott Fitzgerald), I gave up on Steppen Wolf two days ago...I couldn't dive into the darkness with that creature in the book.

Love you lots.

B