Letter one hundred and twenty-one

Dearest J,

Even though Thursday really, really talk much.  She can.  She usually makes noise only when she is in really really bad shape - extremely angry or scared.

But once in a while, at really quiet moments...like just 3 mins ago, she would look at me and meow a little bit, just very very little bit..only loud enough for me to hear for a short split second.  And it's not a conventional meow.  It's more like a slightly throaty, guttural murmur from her.

At times like this I feel really grateful to have her here, just being here.  A very small, quiet presence here, but so full of character.

I never stop wondering about her...all these times, I wonder if she is having a good time living here.  I wonder if she ever gets lonely...all those hours when am out of the flat, or staying in the flat and not paying any attention to her.

I guess I'd never know.

I like watching her.   Sometimes I do that to de-stress, or to take a break from my work.  When I do sit down with her and play with her or stroke her or comb her hair, it's always such a lovely break from whatever am doing here.

She is a mix of gnome-lessness and excitement, and endless curiosity.

Miss you much,

B

Heaven and Hell

I was feeling almost reptile-like, a cool-head, clear mind thinking person a day ago.  But a day later I am overwhelmed by so much emotions that I almost laugh out loud at the absurdity of life.

You know that feeling of sheer helplessness that contort your face into a frown and a bitter smirk?  

I fed Hussein this evening, I stood outside his house watching this creature chew on rice and bones and truly miss him all over again.  That sharp-knife wave of sadness always get to me every time I look at Hilary and Hussein at his place.  I feel very sorry for the cat and dog that he who used to talk to them and play with them is not around.  On other side of the thought, I am very grateful that J's family never fail to make sure the animals get their feed everyday, even when they are away.

Alex and I sat in silence long enough to register our inner thought, after I brought up the Marco Simoncelli accident over dinner.  The bike crash tragedy made front page of The Star today, replaced the original story of Dama's end of the In Perfect Harmony concert run.  I was sipping champagne last night after the show when Glenn from The Star told me about the horrific death of Simoncelli at 2pm yesterday.  

As much as I'd like to know more details on the Italian rider accident, I guess I couldn't read it in front of Alex.  Anyway he took  the paper from me and read the coverage nonetheless.  His left leg is in a cast, he fell from his bike last week, now fresh out of an ankle surgery.  He showed me the x-rays and told me he will be on leave for the next six weeks.

Just minutes before that, I lied next to Mama listening to her updates on relatives.  I haven't been to the house for weeks since the Dama run started.  A thick cloud of guilt swept over me as I lie there listening to the updates on everyone.  The elderly circle is full of a gradual escalation of health deterioration of sorts.  Inside of me, the guilt of being busy was eating me in large bites.  I could see that I have a role in this family, I am meant to be the daughter they didn't give birth to - the desire to spend more time with his mom and Mama is very great.  

I had very urge to leave the house at once so I could be alone to deal with all the emotions.  So I distracted myself with two large bowls of ABC soup and rice...the TV was playing Shaw Shank Redemption.  Tristan was running around playing with everything.  

Less than a day ago I was full of concern over my own doubts and feelings.  Right now am in funky mix of weariness and anticipation.  There's never going to be enough time to do everything that I want to do, to make things right, to feel right.  

When I left my flat earlier to drive over to his house, I was  happy that the skin on my face can finally breathe freely without a trace of make-up.  Then I remember how he used to remind me that I look very good to him when am without any make-up.  I look into the lift lobby mirror at my sallow skin and dark eye circles that scream attention, I guess tonight is the time for some private indulgence of very serious sentiment - missing him.

I've been so busy with life, the life am making without him.  Guess I have earned the right to now sit here, to do nothing and just miss him.  

a dog heaven?

(I visited the farm on Sunday, as a volunteer in the Pulau Ketam rescue mission secretariat, I went there to educate myself on what the situation is like at the farm and the same time, see how the new dogs from the island are doing after the rescue)

Sights from Furry Friends Farm, a dog heaven on earth.  This (no-kill) animal shelter needs the support from public.  Sabrina work selflessly to provide a sanctuary for the abandoned animals, for the weak creatures...her work tireless work, created this humble and VERY lovely home for these souls.  

a happy place to be :) 

I hope all of us remember this, the dogs didn't ask or wish to be born without a home, we, the so-called civilised human sapiens are responsible for their plight.  Ex-dog owners who abandoned their dogs/cats because they grow tired/bored of them are the reason why we have so many strays all over. 

sharing a love = happiness

wound spray is also much needed on the farm besides the obvious - food, and moooore food..

mini dog spa with Pheonix & Janice

a picture of happiness (Linda & Honey)

cool officer, Jojo

I have a few more pictures uploaded on a FB album here...

we care for furry friends - the DBKL Pound incident

Feb 7, the people who care for living things gathered at the DBKL pound at Setapak to `tunjuk rasa' and to question the authority on their staff brutal work on the animals. Behind the gates, there are sights that would make any grown man tear. I remember my first time there with a few friends to RESCUE a few dogs from this hell, made by humans.



Background information on the gathering -
Davina Goh's notes on the event & incidents on Facebook

Davina's subsequent updates on the gathering on Facebook, copied & paste here for your reference:

Hi peeps,
I'm overwhelmed by the concern that everyone is showing. Thank you so much for the support. I regrettably could not make it to Saturday's protest, so many thanks to Annie, Evelyn and Leigh for helping to print out my banner suggestions (Especially 'Show Respect for God's Creatures', a personal motto). Much gratitude also goes out to Jeannie and Janet for filling me in on the day's events.

Coverage of the protest is here:
The New Straits Times

Unofficial video summary (thanks a mill to LunaG) - embedded above http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=268ZThWBoMA&

Upon inspection by the protesters, the pound did have the drugs available to put down cats and dogs humanely, which makes the video evidence of abuse even more perplexing. One of the dramatic highlights of the protest included an open pit of animal carcasses. Health Department director Dr Zainol Ariffin Pawanchee was present to entertain the questions of the protesters, albeit very poorly if at all. In fact, if you read his response to the pit: "some individuals dug out the remains and tore the plastic bags just to make us look bad". If you want to lie Mr. Zainol, then better make sure you do it damn well. Otherwise you make yourself and your department look like a bunch of twats. (Then again, unless change is implemented, they'll always be seen as a bunch of twats anyway innit?)

Apparently Zainol will 'investigate further' and will have answers for the public in two weeks.

Shots from the gathering
The pound authority at the end of the gathering gave in and allowed 9 dogs to be rescued (with payment)

The gruesome condition of the improper burial of dead animals from the pound, look and weep...
see how the dead cats were carelessly thrown in this pit, talk about the concern for hygiene...
the people who care

more pics on my FB album here

Hari Raya for dogs & cats

The Monday after...

What a fabulous Monday this has been :) Singing lesson at noon, watched Mama Mia with Zeqthy at tea time, shopped at Borders for hours and not having to rush to anywhere, and a leisurely dinner by myself (pesto pasta rocks!) and best of all, on my drive down to town the traffic was clear and the night air after a huge downpour was clean & cool.

and to top it all...

My man J was going to take me to some swanky hotel in town (to avoid having to battle the traffic) this Raya for a `sleep-in-holiday' to help me recover from my bad sleeping habits during the run of Parodies...

But we put off the idea after we checked the rates of the nice hotels (Ritz, etc) this week -- and considered the price tag of this little treat, and then thought of people and animals who need a treat more than me...

Basically, our guilt drove us off the hotel outing.
So, J proposed that we spend the money instead on some dog food, etc and go out to the streets to feed the stray dogs & cats. On the streets where the annoying traffic has gone off to the kampongs. We can also then take some photos of the strays also, for our own collection, etc.

What a fabulous idea! Don't you agree that this is more meaningful than spending RM 460++ a night on a nice bed and a butler? We'll going to spread some love this Raya! It's Hari Raya for dogs!!

Anyone interested in joining us on the Raya For Dogs?
Ok, here's the idea for all of you to bounce off...

You can either go out for a few hours to feed the strays round your neighbourhoods, etc -- give them a special Raya Day treat, or you are welcome to join me and justin to go round n look for strays and take some photos of them.

What do you say?
Oh, another wonderful idea for you on the topic of giving.

I went to a friend's birthday gathering (Susheela's) last weekend. Susheela specifically reuqested that the guests didn't bring her any birthday presents but if they wish to give her something, they may give her cash donation or food provision to be given to the refugees staying in town (now that's another topic al together -- the hardship faced by refugees in Malaysia).

By late evening, Sushee's hall was filled with a small mountain of provisions given by her guests,
it was beautiful and very meaningful -- just an idea for your future bday parties -- what a wondeful idea!!! To celebrate your bday and at the same time raising funds/goods for those who are less fortunate and more needy.

Oh before I go, the books I bought @ Borders today, what a yummy-licious discovery on the Media & Art racks, happy happy!!

It's Vintage Darling by Christa Weil

Green Is The New Black by Tasmin Blanchard


on the green front, I realised I have never talked about The Recyclists here? I cant remember but I've been at it for many months now. I am part of The Recyclists.

Check these pages out!

The Recyclists Official site - Project Daily Million (Join our list as a pledger to reduce plastic usage)

Face Book group (all are welcome to join us there)

Our Blog

FOOD for your Thought

Thank you Fang for sharing the link with me.

Monday today, it's a good day to start your week by thinking outside your mundane everyday problem, by watching this documentary...to rethink your relationships with `many people' today.



a few quotes from this video..

"Animals shall not be measured by man, in a world older and more complete than ours, they move finished and complete, gifted with extensions of these senses we have lost or never attained,living by voices we shall never hear.

They are not brethren, they are not underlings, they are other nations...caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth."

"Surely, if slaughterhouses had glass walls, would not all of us be vegetarians? But slaughterhouses do not have glass walls. The architecture of slaughter is opaque, designed in the interest of denial, to insure that we will not see even if we wanted to look. And who wants to look?

Snowy, Paatchi, Brownie, Cutie & Ciku!

*...a bit depressed but hopeful...*

....my first trip ever to the pound today. Setapak. It was raining. All the dogs were silent when we walked in. The six of us, looking to rescue a few dogs today, marched into where the dogs (mostly waiting to be put down eventually, but soon) are kept. The painful silence was paired with the mournful, hopeful, heart-wrenching-sad looks on those canines faces. Within minutes I had to hold back tears and keep calm.

Come and see me tomorrow! My name is Cutie!
We walked around the cages, helping Lynn who is getting some old folks home ready to choose a few dogs for the new homes. The dogs slowly started to cry, mostly they sat close to their cage doors and stared at us, trying to reach out to whatever human warmth they could during our stay there.

I could go on, mere words just couldn't describe what it was like to be there, in the company of these harmless, friendly, helpless animals, looking up at you, hoping to leave with you when you go.

Ciku
We had to painfully choose 5 pups to go home with, for adoption. Lynn got her four adult dogs. They were estatic once they got out of the cages and it was just pure joy to see them out of there. But those we left behind....sigh.

The five lovely bundle of joy are now available for adoption. We have sent them to the vet for cleaning, vaccination, de-worming and whatever is needed to get them ready for adoption. They will be `on display' tomorrow evening at the Attic where a bunch of us are performing at WILD @ Attic, fund-raising concert for Independent Pet Rescuers.

Earlier, on the way to the vet from the pound...
Snowy

hello Brownie!
Cutie :)
My favourite one, the endearing Paatchi
am...dreaming of a new home with nice people....

Adopt a rescued pup, stop buying from the shops -- we have as a society created enough sorrow for the animals, stop today.

My baby boys..

I have always said I don't plan to have any children of my own. My lousy excuse (lousy to some but it sure is a valid one for me) is that I'm no good taking care of another human being, let alone bringing up one. These days I can't even take care of myself - lousy eating habits, lousy sleeping hours...you name it.

So when I agreed to help care for two young pups without a mother two weeks ago...I was out of my mind. Rescuer friend Peter rescued three very young puppies from a pound in Setapak, found in a bowl of water, trembling, starving and sick, and worse of all, without their mother.

My Cumi (left) and Ciki boys....One of the three boys got adopted quite fast after Peter rescued them. Left with two...I sms Peter n volunteered to care for them for ONE day. A week later I ended up fostering them until they got adopted. Before I took up the crazy (since it was my first and a complete novice) job of fostering, they were on drips at the vet and trying to recover from case of diarrhea.

the rascal named Cumi who pulled my heart stringLike a new mother with new born, I nervously took the pups home to my flat with the carrier, a new fordable cage, their medicine and their canned food. The first hour back home with Cumi and Ciki went like a minute. I prepared them food and got the cage ready, used one of my floor towel as their bed. Minutes after they fed I was on to cleaning the bathroom floor littered with their piss and stool.

he eats like there is no tomorrow
really
By the second day I got a bit more efficient with the cleaning, feeding and etc...by then I got a taste of what's like to be a parent and an animal rescuer like Peter and Nicole. When I was out for hours leaving them at home, I would wonder if they have dirtied themselves in the cage or if they were starving yet...later I would feel like a bad parent.

When I got home I would first clean up the cage and got their food ready...when the cleaning and feeding were done I would then sort myself out, eat or shower. When it's time to sit down and get my own work done, they would decide then it's time for me to pay some attention to them. Whining and crying from their cage I place in the master room...they would eventually fall asleep and then it's all peaceful again.

I missss you Cumi!!!
I won't attempt to try to describe this wonderful feeling of caring for the pups, it's something that you will come to understand or comprehend if you have your own pets or children. This happen to be my first experience and I am just so affected.

I said I was out of my mind because the same weekend I took them home from the vet was a super-packed weekend for me and I hadn't a clue how I was going to take care of them...anyway, I had my support system, it's called the Section 17 supporting branch - Justin's house.
Puteh (white) and Brandy watched Cumi savouring his food

So on the second night, I packed my bags and the puppies and drove to his house (tenants include J's parents, a granny and a brother, and two dogs - Puteh & Brandy). I announced innocently that Cumi and Ciki would be adopted soon enough and that I was there with them for the weekend because I was going to be out of the house most of the day.
Cumi playing with Puteh

The family took to the new kids very well and kindly. Justin's dad completely blew me off by showing lots of love and care for the two new pups. The ex-pilot adopted Brandy just recently and have been spending time caring for the two (Puteh & Brandy).

It was such an incredible feeling (happiness) to see them running along each other, the four of them. Brandy who has a completely different temperament from the nerdy and shy Puteh, was viciously jealous of the pups whenever I came home to feed them, yelping and crying from his cage (I caged him up to prevent him from eating the pups' food). It took me one round of feeding and talking to Nicole to learn how to handle it. The next day I managed to feed the pups without Brandy sounding suicidal...I pacified Brandy first with his own snack before I let the pups eat.

how can one not love a face like this one? Cumi
By the third day of my fostering Ciki got adopted at the Plaza Damas outing where the Independent Pet Rescuers team set up their adoption drive. Ciki went to a new home fast...I got the news thro an sms and a strong emotion of sadness swept over me, I didn't get to say goodbye to Ciki before he went off to another home!

Nicole was next to me then and she said, see, you only need two days to get this attached to the animal!
The playing field

That night I collected the lonely Cumi from Carnea who was helping out at the adoption drive, mixed feelings again. I worried about getting Cumi adopted, missing Ciki, feeling sad for Cumi who was now left with no play mate and sleeping mate, worried about not having time to care for Cumi, worried about Justin's family complaining about too many dogs in the house.

Anyway my worries were unnecessary because it was clear that the family is so loving they wouldn't leave any animals left unattended. By the fifth day, on my first free day, I woke up at Justin's house to find that Justin's dad was already up and he had cleaned up Cumi's mess and fed all the dogs their breakfast. Talk about being touched.
sending Cumi off to his new family...goodbye shots

And then the unexpected happened...on that day itself I got a call informing me that a potential adopter for Cumi has arrived in town from Penang and wanted to collect Cumi right away. Again, I was stunned by how affected I was by the departure. I went from feeling silly and feeling burden by the pups to now completely missing them from my side. I miss their smell and their sounds...

Ok ok, missing them aside (goodness, I was only with them for a mere 5 days!!), am totally glad and grateful that all three pups have found new homes. Beyond feeling glad for the animals, I have this sense of new purpose now...after having witnessed successful adoption, I have a new faith, a new found confidence in the work that these rescuers are doing out there. It works!

Am grateful for the joy that Cumi and Ciki have given me, in such short period of time. Am happy that they are now bringing joy to their new families. The experience is memorable, rewarding...magical.

Adopt a stray today, you?

I don't have yet any plan to foster or adopt more animals soon but it's on my future plan, the animals will be the children that I won't be having.