Letter forty-seven - Day fifty-four of your vacation

Dearest J,

Had a blast last night at the Volker party.  You would have loved my dress last night, I wore a really short tight Qi-Pao...to the theme of the song I sang there - Carmen's Habanera in Mandarin.  Met with many friends there and made a few new friends.


A picture of doing the Carmen while trying not to be bothered with my dramatic (riding up) hemline, taken by Sam.

The jazz workshop concert on Thursday night was very exciting for me. A completely new experience, my mental state was a total roller coaster ride - from a total mash of stress (before the workshop started) to a thorough sense of fulfillment at the end.  There were many moments of groping in the dark during the workshop, Elvira and I didn't want to hold back the class too much with our questions on the music - because the rest of the classroom were trained musicians.  I doubted my decision to sign up for this many times and am glad I dived head in, Greg Lyon's music is a tough nut for even trained musicians.  I don't think I have become an excellent musician over those three days but I have learned something better (Elvira says) - I learned not to be afraid.

Then of course there was the comradeship with the other students, four horns, a guitar and the standard trio.  For most part of the workshop Elvira and I were treated mostly as instruments if not all the time.

Subsequent to the classes, I have come to know that many of the `musicians' and song writers I know aren't trained musicians either.  Many of them have taught themselves to play their instruments and write songs.

Gabrielle Maes was at the party last night, she sang Bewitched with the band.  I managed to do some precious catching up with her and she gave me some important advice - go back to singing classes.  "Spend some time with yourself, go back to see Cecelia, spend time on horning the singing technique."  She also did add, "Oh, go out and meet more civil engineers!! They are mostly straight!")

This is what I need, the singing class.  After your accident an, I was harbouring the fear of having to put aside a hefty budget every month for the lessons with Cecelia but I guess Seeming is right about the money thing - the more you spend, the more hungry you'll get to make the money back.

Isn't exciting, I think.  My plate is piling up.

I think of you a lot, a lot more than usual the last few days, surprisingly, while am having a crazy busy week.  Yesterday during the warm down exercise at hip hop I had a vision of us (a relaxing oriental music was on the player) together in an Indian garden, very zen and relaxed.  Of course I haven't a clue what an Indian garden is but that was the feeling I had, a quaint and relaxing space we were at together, united in minds.  That was the first time I got emotional in public in the past one month.

I was `looking out' for you that night at the workshop showcase at Alexis.  When I was doing my make up yesterday before the party I thought of you and just amazed that you creep out to call me in the midst of my busiest moments.

Thursday is asleep in the study with me, she sleeps on Mama's rug.  It's a rare sight, she is usually busy entertaining herself by annoying me.  She looks kinda peaceful now that she is just being stationery and breathing, eyes closed.

Somehow I feel that with her around the home, I get reminded that you aren't home anymore and I would choke with emotions and feel nauseated that I would dream of compensating your absence with her liveliness.  However, I am (at the moment) determined to keep her for a while at least, to see how I will make her my friend, or vice versa.

Peter and TP are home from their vacation.  I got a few postcards from the Covent Garden opera house and a book of all the Paris Vogue covers. December will be a month of lots of cheese-eating at theirs.

Ok, am glad I catch up with some of my thoughts here with you.  Now am going to try to rest up before I have to get ready for a corporate gig tonight.  Just 4 songs tonight, with back up dancers.

Oh ya, I met this boy Fung Chern Hwei, a Malaysian violinist who lives and play in New York.  Am listening to the two CDs that I bought from him...his music is beautiful and moved me a lot.  There's this song in particular, Chloeictchka that really tug at my heart when I hear it.  I don't how it happened but the first time I play that song in my car I just thought of you, that song just got me thinking of us and I really miss you then.

I have a lot of new CDs to go through, songs to sing, stories to tell.

I love you.

B