Letter forty-four - Day fifty of your vacation

Dearest J, 

What a relief.  The stress for the past week is finally behind me, even though the jazz workshop is not over yet.  We worked on one song for about close to 2 hours today, I managed some improvisation today, some notes came out naturally, most parts I felt good doing the lines, some notes went to really weird places.  After listening to the recording of it, I cringed...I need to work so much more to do what Greg said to `rise to it and seize your part'.

Anyway, working on my solos aside, to sit in the ensemble today and feel the `family ties' of being in a band, instead of being `the singer' - was sheer bliss and happiness.  I am lucky to have Elvira next to me helping me along with the music.

Photos from the workshop.  

This is a good distraction, and an excellent concentration of work.  I can still hear your voice in my head, telling me to learn my theory and piano.  I hope this time I preserver..

Last night late at night I lied on our bed, I was dead tired and sleep was much much needed.  But strangely I was wide awake, trying to remember what was it like to listen to your voice and how we used to talk late into the night and early into the morning...

A sadness came over me because I was suddenly worried that as time moves on and I live my life without you, your words and your soul, the language might leave me in time...our language of love, our intimacy which we held so close to our hearts.  

I already feel like it's leaving me, maybe it's coz I don't spend a lot of time thinking about us these days.  I have been burying myself at work - exciting, stressful work.  I don't feel that these exciting endeavors are planted on purpose so that I can think less of you, I just feel naturally drawn to doing.  Doing, diving in, head on...like this jazz workshop that I had zero confidence in when I first signed up.

Been eating badly on my own.  Last night had a grand home cook dinner at Bernie's.  

Going to a dinner party upstairs at Fai & Christine's...home cook food :)

Tomorrow another, hopefully exciting session at the workshop.

Love,

B