harvesting happiness

the call from Dublin came in at 6:50am, just nice to wake up for work. thanks love, you are one of the very few i want by my side.

"you'll find someone new before you know it :) " - sms from dublin after her phone credit ran out.

now i don't know if that would be a good thing to do: find someone new. it's great to have someone to love (i know now, i used to think love/romance was a burden) but it's quite another to depend on someone for happiness, you know, build your happiness around another person.

to be happy on my own has always been my quest until i started loving another person deeply. the feelings are always deep for me, whether it was a 3-month relationship or a two-and-a-half years relationship. it's liked once you have learned how to love someone and be happy in a relationship, you forgot how to love yourself and be happy with just that; i can't deny that the fact i was happier in a relationship than when i was alone (something i would HATE to admit three years ago).

i was happy doing my own thing outside the relationship, but the love feeling from the relationship completed the picture for me, and nurtured me. it's great sharing love.

SM's gift for me in 2001, Craig Fong's first book: Jane Wants A Boyfriend (yes, she then hand-wrote all the `t's next to all the `Jane's to customised it). the point of the story is that one should be happy and contented (and shiny) as a person before one gets a romantic partner, to grow the happiness.

as usual, something shamelessly postive at the end of my post:

"happiness is a choice, not a result."

what do you think? i'm still learning to get there.