vissi d'arte

am watching the videos of a recent singing competition. so amazed at my fellow candidates, some of exudes so much diva aura at their age (younger than me, that is).

one of the more interesting part about joining a singing competition (art song singing competition, that is, not karaoke king/malaysian-idol/etc) is the interaction with other singers. it always, always amazes me to no end when i watch a girl singing her heart out on stage in front of judges and audience, with so much stage presence and that...you know, the diva-like quality (i say diva-like because technically, none of us/them are REAL divas yet) when just minutes ago we both waited at backstage, she was all quiet, demure and introverted-looking. then bamm!!!!! she transformed into a shiny song-bird, impressing everyone to pieces with her flying notes, emotions and facial expressions.

when i first took the stage in 2000, i was too nervous to pay attention to others, let alone make friends. it took me years to learn how to enjoy this bitter-sweet road of competing in competitions. these days i know all the girls in the line-up and waiting back stage is no longer a cold business.

i have learned from all these back-stage experiences to never judge a singer base on my encounter with her `backstage-personality'. i also learned how to make friends with stage rivals, note: they might always look unfriendly but all i need to do is to smile and try my best mandarin on them and voila! new friend!

the not-so light-hearted part of this business being the results. reality bites. in many ways, there are no braver souls than suckers like me and the rest who willingly put our arts out there for the panel to place a score to your performance, year after year. those who `got out of the rat race' are usually past winners who now aim for regional and international competitions, overseas conservatories, castings in big time operas, etc.

i swear to myself after losing in 2000 that i will not ever go back to that sick hall full of conservative and strange chinese (judges, singers, parents, pianists, loud aunties). well, i forgot why i went back to compete again after a year. anyway i was happy i made it to the finals in my second attempt and thought i would be happy as a finalist. i went back for the third time and when i stayed only as a finalist in the district level, i cried and then realised that i've arrived. i have bloody finally grew competitive, competitive enough to want to go back and compete again. i've acquired the fighting-cock attitude that my coach want in all his students.

last year i studied the video recording of the final round at district level, i watched myself (of course i cringed so much watching that i only managed after hours) and i watched the top placing singers. i watched how they moved, how every lift of hand complements each line, each lift of eye brows makes the notes prettier (Evelyn Toh stole my heart singing "Ebben ne andro lontana..."). i paid attention to what kind of dresses look better on stage and what accessories were obstacles.

this year i bought an on-sale Beatrice Looi silk dress and went to yet another battle. i have not seen the video recording yet but the dress made me feel like a diva on stage. i made it to final and for the final round i dressed as the love-sick and flirtatious page boy Cherubino (Marriage of Figaro). the thick winter jacket was really useful in the cold back stage and i felt free in a man's costume. i was happy with my performance...the high notes still did not ring round the hall the way i wanted them, but i know i will get there in time.

this time i took a step forward, i got a placing finally!!! 4th placing and on my way to the national finals in december!!!

what better excuse to buy more diva dresses!!!!