Accepting the terms, what ageing is

Funny how life is like a mystery and detective novel, where one gets the explanation and answers to an earlier unsolved mystery many pages, chapters down the book.

I was quite miffed about my mom's non reaction after having sat on the front row of my Cinnabar Rouge concert, on opening night and on the same week of our birthdays, April of 2017.  I was waiting for days and weeks for some comments from her about my sparkling and dazzling career milestone.  Nothing.  Much later, I heard from sister that she uttered something close to the effect of "Your sister is such a brave thing, to be able to sing and dance in front of so many people."

Three years later, it took yet another...post festive season sibling row (me and brother) self-reflection for me to come to light...

Of course there was hardly any visible reaction from my mother towards my display of talent in the concert.  She would have been overwhelmed and too distracted by her increasingly crowded mind.  Alzheimer was coming onto her.  I was oblivious to it all then.  She wore dark shades on the front row, having just been out of a single eye cataract operation - she would have been super disoriented and in discomfort.

With so much noise in her head, what dazzling commentary could I have possibly asked of her?  Only if I knew better then.  I was self-absorbed and clueless.

It's all clearer now.

I am still coming to terms with this now not-new thing about mom.  I think I am doing well.

Dad is still mostly quite the alert and active one, and he too is learning lots in coping with all the changes.  Bless his soul.

FB post earlier today:

My earliest memories of my parents’ relationship is that they argued a great deal. So much so that it was the norm in the household for me - listening to the bickering. But there was always food on the table, money for school bus and allowance for me. As I grew up and observed more families of others, many I’ve envied and many more I’m glad weren’t mine; I learn that in life our job is to make the best with what we have. My parents belong to the generation that fix things instead of throwing away things (my dad just had his cheap 7-year-old electric floor fan repaired); and they endure things. They’ve stay put in their marriage that has clearly changed in so many ways since they fell for each other all those decades ago. I can’t say if I have more respect for their tenacity or more sympathy, perhaps a bit of both. 

Comparing myself to them, I see a person who’s so ingrained in her own orbit of beliefs and system, I cannot see myself making room for another soul in this planet of mine. 

Now in their seventies and still bickering, however, I see how things have shifted a little. Mom’s on set dementia is progressing steadily. She’s ever more reliant on dad being her driver, person bringing home packed food (knowing that they are eating outside food every meal really pains me), etc. Just watching them at home for over a few days, I get updated a great deal on how things will unfold soon - or so I think. It takes great effort for me to stay emotionless seeing the change in my mom’s condition. 

I’ve never been a family person and I don’t plan to pretend to be one soon. However, I do feel deeply about the call of service as a daughter to offer kindness, understanding and support to my folks in this golden age. Still a long way for me to learn, I just hope I don’t learn too late.