Letter eighty-three - Day one-hundred-and-twenty-eight of your vacation

Dearest J,

Now I know time is a relative thing.  I remember one of your favourite quote is Einstein's,

Sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. Sit on a red-hot stove for a minute, it seems like an hour.  That's relativity.

I asked myself if not having you next to me for over 127 days is a long time or a short time...I have no answer.  I touched the crisp white pressed shirts that still hang in your wardrobe and smell them, I smelled your old bike jacket next to the shirts.  I sit down coolly and think,  this is confusing, it feels like a century since you've been gone - at the same time it feels like it was just yesterday since I kissed you goodbye as you left for your Ulu Yam ride.

Some days I have it good.  Some days I just muddle through a sea of dark clouds, feeling listless and meaningless.  I know, every minute I spend decided to go on, it's a battle won.  On a bad day, I give myself the patience of staying on to continue to gather more reasons to breathe.

My letters are getting less and less regular, am hoping that I will not force myself to sit down just to write to you and find myself writing rubbish.

This morning the scanner stopped working, I spent an hour trying to troubleshoot, finding possible solutions on the net.  No hope.  I left for dance class.  Came home to continue.  Now that I don't have you around to be my tech support, I want to be more self-sufficient.  Zal made me call the tech centre for Epson finally.  16-minute conversation later, I had some results but still no scanner working.  They said it's to do with a new iMac software update, so now I wait for a patch to come in to fix this scanner situation.

Had a nice time hanging out with Mama at dinner.  Every time I go over to listen to her talk while I lie on the bed in the guest room, I get so comfortable that I never feel like leaving.  She is still coughing.  I told her that she's taking forever to get well because she misses you a great deal.

It's so late now.  Am going to get some rest now.

Miss you much,

B