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Things I got after the break-up:

1. phone calls and emails from people who care about me
2. I got motivated in taking care of myself
3. I got back to reading
4. I got a new place for myself
5. a new book shelf
6. new emotional independence (working on it)
7. new hobby -- writing
8. got motivated to sing more
9. I think about how to improve myself more
10. It makes me treasure things I used to take for granted
11. It makes me want to live better, good things end fast, so better live the moment while you are at it.
12. It makes me ask myself why every time I'm angry, and whether it's worth it to get angry. I got a quote to go with this:

"Anyone can become angry -- that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not easy." --- Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

Emails with a friend. First email reply:

Dear O,

thank you for your note. when i read about others' break-up i feel like the pain i feel it's universal also.

I think even though the pain and the hurt I feel from the break-up/getting-dumped experience is bad and it created a lot of negativity, it also did give me something good in the process: like forcing me to look at myself more, the way I find happiness and sense of contentment, etc. the break-up invoked a lot of important thinking for me and like others, we all become stronger in the process.

am current reading Daniel Goldman's Emotional Intelligence, the first chapter talks about how the rational & emotional minds work together, it's interesting. so while you feel the pinch reading my blog that reminds you of your past, you know it's your emotional mind taking over, then when you snap back into your rational mind, you'll get back on track and do what you do.

it would be nice to see you again sometime, I can do with more friends, really. call me if you are out watching a show/anything cool.

janet

Second email:

Hi O,

i felt humiliated too, amongst other feelings like un-attractive and low self esteem, etc. but when i read this heartbreak handbook thingy i know that these feelings are normal but they are not the real reflections of us so i just let them passed, it took a while but it wasn't that long as i imagined.

maybe i have or maybe i have not recovered from it but i will make sure in the mean time i treat myself well, like sleeping well and all that.

good to talk to someone about this now that most of my friends have stopped talking to me about this.

janet

Third email:

justin and i are still friends, he helped me move and we still meet for meals, except it feels different now. we are probably a little more formal now. in some ways i feel that not much has changed except i have moved out and away from his family house and that we are no longer lovers. it hurts still when i think about because i cherish those things i shared with him, ideologies, principles and happiness. i guess i can still share those with him, but on different level.

he broke the news to me, on the ground that he feels no romance's left except he cares for me like a sister/friend, and also incompatibility.

i don't know whether staying as friends with him and see him sometimes will do me any good but while it makes me feel good that we are friendly, I will keep to it until something bad happens.

janet

Fourth email:

Hey O,

good question, i dread the thought of knowing him seeing someone new. i think that would make me very upset, thinking i wasn't good enough for him and all that.

yes we still friends. when he dropped the bomb on me it was like reality ceased to exist too, i didn't see it coming, i was broken and was scared to face the world the weeks after. but i had weeks after that to talk to him still, about what happened, etc and that calmed me down.

the relationship has been one-sided for a while except i didn't know it was one-sided because he didn't tell me it was going to end, or that his feelings were thinning. i blamed him for that and now i have accepted the cruel fact that it was just what happened and nothing he and i can do to make things any better/any different.

janet