The Road to Home

It's been three days since I moved to Diaman Crimson. The traffic to work in the morning has been far better than I imagined, maybe traffic is simply better between 8am to 8:30am on LDP highway. I have been the first to arrive in office for two days, starting the day early and alone in the office is GREAT.

Everything is so far good I must say, far better than I thought. Haven't had much time to feel lonely yet. However, the loneliest time of the day for me is the drive home every night from wherever; driving past the junction where I used to turn into to `go home', thinking I have to get used to the new route to `home'. That is the most painful part of my day. I read from [Tuesdays] that to detach yourself from painful feelings, you first have to fully embrace it, so I did not try to steer my mind away from it last night. I let the sense of helplessness enveloped me completely.

Going home to people gave me a sense of security and warmth. It didn't matter if they were already asleep when I get back, it's knowing that they are there under the same roof as you and you feel close to them.

I wish my mom is here now.

I called Mama last night on the way to my rehearsal.

"Mama? JANET!!!"

"Ah Genet!!" she can't pronounce Janet.

"Mama how are YOU?!!" I'm used to screaming on the phone with her because she can't hear very well now.

"Mama just took a nap and then I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I'm just...here. You didn't come home last night??"

"I didn't come back because I've moved out!"

"...you ahh, you bad person, you move out and now I cannot sleep at night, thinking of you. Every night I think of you and how you don't sleep here anymore."

".....err, did Justin come home to sleep?"

"Mama don't know, never see him. Did he come home to sleep?"

"I don't know Mama."

"You very bad la, you go and leave mama alone here."

"It's not me. Why don't you ask Ah-Lo to come down and stay here?" Ah Lo is actually ' Rose', Justin's future sister-in-law if the two get married. Rose had became Ah-Lo when Mama started calling her Ah-lo instead of `Rose'.

"...that one she different. She not so `Ang Moh' like you. She will be too shy to stay here all the time. She is more Chinese than you."

"Ok ok, tomorrow I come for dinner ok?"

I will go for dinner in the house and after which I can help Justin's mom to send the Wednesday cleaners back to USJ. And for one thing, I miss home food like crazy, it's only been three days.

I don't know when but I hope the day is soon, when I stop feeling like shit every night when I drive past THE junction to `go home' to my new place.