new chapter

Achievement this week: finally told my sister about the break-up, and the moving out. Last night I announced to mama (justin's granny) that it's over and I'm out of there.

My sister didn't go all hysterical on me, and I'll always love her for that. Said she's glad that I will have my own space now and that we should hang out more now...that warm the cockles of my heart :)

Mama (as expected) decided that I was silly enough to have piss off my man and therefore got dumped. I refused to give any explanation, she can ask him if she wants to know, whatever I say will be used against me anyway. Anyway, she gave me a `I told you so' lecture but half way through I decided I have had enough so I told her `good night' and walked off, relieved that I have made the announcement. Of course at the same time it breaks my heart to know that she will be so much more alone now, no maid, no `daughter-in-law'....she will completely devastated once justin also move out of the house.

It breaks my heart to see that while the new place getting more cosy by the day, the people staying in it aren't getting any happier. People leaving, mama is getting old and sick, mummy (justin's mom) is undergoing treatment, the men are obsessing with the business...sigh.

It's all so surreal, leaving a place and people I have been with for the past two and half years. It's harder than leaving my home in Taiping, you have no idea. I've grown so used to this life, the people, the dog, the furniture, the family friends...while I pack I look around and try to imagine the room without my things around, and then soon maybe without his things too.

Though I secretly wish the family would suffer the loss of him (as I have) when he moves out of there, I deeply and sincerely hope that he would change his mind and stay with his family, the people who love him unconditionally and deeply.

I haven't cried for quite a few days now but just thinking of how miserable mama will be bring tears to my eyes. Despite her harsh words sometimes, I love her still.

Farewell.

As much as I know that my brains are making changes and adapting to the change, my subconscience is still largely unaware of the moving. I cannot imagine waking up in that new room...new neighbourhood, it's a little painful imagining...but I can't wait till all these are over.