The Move

Thank you one and all, SM, Sim, my boss, and Justin.

The books went there first, with some toileteries on Thursday. Then the massive unloading of clothes and knick knacks on Saturday with Sim. Last night Justin and I sort of completed the move with CD player, music books, fixing up new bookcase, lamp, new bed sheets and etc.

I did my best to have a normal day on Saturday, was very emotional when Mama stood in the room while I packed. She was upset that the `unit' is now broken and that I was moving out.

"Who is going to take care of him now that you are gone?" she asked. I learned that I love taking care of a person but I know now that is not good enough.

"Why don't you move to your sister's place so that she can take care of you?" she asked me. But only I know that what I got from this relationship was not only the nursing when I'm sick, it's the emotional reliance that was addictive. My days of staying with family and relative is over but when I started living with Justin's family it felt good.

"I'm going to call him and fight with him." she announced when I stopped packing and left for my singing class. Of course she wouldn't fight with him, she's started to believe that if she nags him too much, he would come home less.

Sunday was a full shopping day at Ikea. I feel guilty buying Ikea items for my new room, I feel that I have just become a statistic for them. Their products are mass produced and everyone has one...if you owned an Ikea bookcase, that would be the most unoriginal furniture you have in your house. I gave myself the excuse of lack of time to shop elsewhere and also the fact that I don't own a place yet so there's no call for shopping for the ideal furniture (from second-hand market).

By two thirty in the morning, I have most things in place at the new room and Justin was ready to leave. At the door of my new place, a new beginning, we had a long meaningful hug and I saw him off to the lift in distance.

I remember five years ago when I first moved to a rented place, staying away from family members for the first time, I cried those weary tears on the first night, I was scared to be alone. It was the same fear I had when I was sent to kindergarten. Fear of change and intimidated by the unknown surrounding. Though my room now is comfortable and clean, it reeks of unfamiliarity and loneliness.

But I didn't shed a single tear after he left. I was too tired and a little worried about waking up on time to go to work. I washed up, set the air-conditioner to right temperature and jump straight into the new sheets.

I decided that I'm now five years older than my virgin separation from family, I have the strength I didn't have back then...though it's funny how I got out of the solitary life and got myself a family and now I'm back to just myself.

Of course now I won't be uncomfortable singing in my room at anytime of the day :)