Wandering mind

It was a careless and harmless chat, with one whom I respect a lot.  Puts a question on my table, in my head, on my plate.

Just how much happiness can a single person stomach?  A single, unmarried, not-romantically-attached person.

Our conversation forced me to examine my stand on being single and happy, am I really THAT happy?

I can cross my heart and hope to die that each time I experience true bliss, it is 100% genuine and unadulterated.  Lately my bliss has been coming in forms of `humble-grandeur' (absolute oxymoron?) like standing at my kitchen counter and watch Thursday eat, or stroking and talking to her after being out for days, watching the sunsets or traffic and night lights from my flat, or tasting every strand of salad in my mouth, or buying a new book...or looking into the mirror to admire how wonderful a new secondhand dress look on me..., etc.

Am not complaining, not yet.  These experiences are by no means, very private activities and I feel incredibly sensual experiencing them.

I just wonder how good it will all last.  I still miss sitting next to him watching whatever documentary he was watching and complained that I really need to take a shower.  The sofa now looks empty without him there playing on his Airbook, but it's been so long now since anyone lie on it to play on a laptop...time does really do things to you.  It makes you adapt to new routines, new habits, it makes you get used to things, like being alone and no one answers you back.

Anyway I told my good friend agrees with me that each to his own, it's possible to have a perfectly grand life staying single.  He just thought maybe I'd spent time thinking about having options.  Options of other than being alone.

I have thought about expiry date.  I said to my friend that I hope I don't look to him as a woman who looks about to expire and who needs help.  

Speaking of expiring...thank goodness for my dream job that always keep my soul in check, intact, and what do I know, with that, I even got an offer (just last week) and access to free skincare products.  While making baby step effort to maintain what's left of my calendar, thank heavens also to wonderful writings such as this one: Creativity in Beethoven and Coltrane, by Brad Mehldau.

And now it's good night and cheers to early mornings!