Letter one hundred and one - Day two hundred and sixty-one of your vacation

Dearest J,

Had a fab day today singing, and singing.  Was compiling all the conflict dates to submit to Dama for our next production.  Yes, it's long since coming - I have auditioned and received an offer to be in their coming production of songs in concert.  You would be happy for me.

While scrolling through all the old SMSes on my phone, I deliberately scrolled all the way back to Oct last year.  I realised there are so many messages from so many of my friends, whose numbers I did not save in my phone address book.  Back in those crazy times of Oct thro December, etc...I 'moved on' with lightning speed.  I don't know how many SMS I received back then after your accident.  Am reading these SMS now one by one, and saving all the phone numbers in my phone book.

This one jumped at me and made me stopped:

"Keep singing, Janet.  He would like that.  All the best, Surin"

You remember Surin.  Our friend from MNS, we both last saw him at that wedding gig where he played  guitar for my Malay song.

It's all connected.  The singing kept me going and going.  While close friends and family took care of me in many ways after you left - it is singing and music that keep me sane, and mentally in tact...what worked hand in hand with that was the memories of you.

And it was singing that got you to notice me, those many years ago.

Ok, enough about me, and me and singing - everything is seriously going great for me in the singing front. I am still very far from diva-dom and superstar status but everything is moving in good direction in the singing and performing department.

If you ask me who else is a winner, I'd say our kick-ass Mama.  She just cope, I don't know how she deals with herself in her own private time but every time I see her, she is just great.  She calls me a lot, just to talk to me or ask if I need food.

Don't think I have any clips of  your voice or anything like that.  I hope your voice stays with me.

Poster for my coming concert, 3 more weeks.  Rehearsing for this has reminded me how much I have

always enjoy singing classical repertoire.  I have had cold feet about singing the Mozart piece but tonight 's rehearsal was a breakthrough for me - not because I did exceptionally well, because I somehow got myself to really enjoy the sound, and the music, after all that many weeks of struggling and fear.

Had nice and quiet dinner with your mom, Mama, Yan & Tristan, Nell and Marina on your birthday.  Alex and your Dad were out of town.

Ok, way way way past my bed time.  Another busy day (I like busy) when the sun gets up.

Lots of love, missing you...

B