Anger & jealousy....

....on a rainy Monday late night, chat with my incredibly knowledgeable man. I have refrained from calling him brilliant for I have decided to be humble on his behalf.

Tonight's topic, anger & jealousy...

J: ....you can be angry, being angry can be good...and you don't need to justify your feelings. just FEEL. being angry can be a good tool. its something we've developed (being angry) through our evolutionary process. Being angry helps us focus.

When your ancestors used to live in caves...it was a very physical world. sometimes we need a little push. This push can come in many forms. One of the forms is emotion, being angry -- is a tool.

being angry at the right time, for the right amount, at the right people, for the right reason helps us focus our actions. It helps us single out our actions, prioritise them. but we must understand this thing -- being too angry to being angry for prolonged periods makes us stress. this stress is due to substances released in our bodies. these substance or hormones are used for us to focus on a subject or person or action for a short period of time. You will feel a little energized. if this energy is released appropriately, it may help us, actually.

in those olden days, it was usually physical strength that make or break us. therefore, being focused, action oriented and fuelled with hormones was a tool for our ancestors.

now, the problem is things has changed since. there's no lion that just killed your sibling or uncle that carried your sister away...you don't need all that extra energy...need some of it, not all. prolonged state of being angry only leaves us frustrated, fatigue and even helpless. you need to channel your anger, suppressing it may not be the best of solutions.

there are generally 2 ways to deal with it.

1. ignore it completely, that is whenever an angry thought arises, quickly do something that will occupy your time

2. quickly think about something that will cause you full mental concentration that will distract you from the anger stimuli. remember the keywords 'stimuli' -- move or avoid the stimuli will help you avoid being angry...

3. another approach is to channel it this is much harder use the energy and turn it to something productive

Case study 1:

Alan, when very angry will mob his floor and clean his house. he's old, so he doesn't spend too much time cleaning, but when he's angry or upset, he's apartment gets a very thorough shine!!!!

Case study 2:

I run when i'm upset at work. i channel the anger to the treadmill and my running workout. but its dangerous if we don't understand it. for instance, for me, i tend to over run, leading to my injuries. so, being angry can motivate me to run, but i should still stick to my running plan.




me: man, you are so smart....i feel like, stupid.

J: you are smart also, that's why you figured out about the celebrity thingy.

(I told him about my thought on the celebrity phenomenon in this world, or rather, this world of mine, in KL, is that many celebrities are what they are for some quite shallow reasons. For example, they are celebrated by many, but not for making best music, not for discovering new medicines, not for cooking the best food, having the best brains, a great voice, great acting...saving people's lives, etc.

So really, there's little reason to be upset about not being in the same scale of publicity with them. So I thought....

Anyway, so I think, maybe it's more important to feel a sense of self-worth and understand what my own achievements are and not measure them to what the general public thinks)

me: but that thing is...that is a high awareness, it's not a popular thinking. i think it means i dun submit to the system and that means, one could out of the system.

J: everything starts with being highly aware. yes, the risk on non-conformity exists. poor anwar...but at least he's happy. happiness that comes from within is grander than when it originates from outside

J: anyway, being jealous is a residue of our past emotional tool

me: Emotional Tool?

J: can you guess why being jealous will actually help someone, a woman?

me: because it will propel her to to....

J: think about what jealousy makes somebody do...yes, propel her?

me: ...to secure her relationships?

J: yes!

me: to focus on her securities?

J: yes!

me: you mean the right amount of jealousy work for a person right? otherwise you wont hear of those miseries from being too jealous.

J: exactly, it helps gives that extra motivation to fight off offending mates...jealousy, just like anger, gives us focus, energy and motivation to act. it's when we don't understand our own emotions, that's when things are unfortunate.

and so on.....


I hope you have benefited from this entry.