A 29-year-old monologue

This came in on my mobile in the middle of a recital...

"Happy belated birthday, old girl! Enjoy your last year as a 20 something....we got you pressie from.."

Of ourse as a responsible member of the audience my mobile was switched to silent mode.

Sitting at home now with Mahler playing on my laptob I suddenly remember the sms and POW! Yes, it's my last fucking year as a 20-something!

There wasn't much reflections or thinking of any kind near there on my birthday...I was surviving Times Square on Sunday!

But now, in the silence of my room and the sms staring in my face -- finally.

Really, age has always just been a bloody number. In month's time I would literally step onto the other side of Sweet-young-thang.

Hmmm, what a journey it's been! My short twenty-nine years! So many memories seem like yesterday and some light years away. Next year, 3-0, a whole lot of difference?? Thirty, what's is it like over there?? Thirty-something.

Does turning 3-0 means keeping away my flare minis?

Does it mean anything?

I have accumulated no wealth in my years of employment except wealth in the form of friends, songs to sing, music sheets...countless photographs, stories and, a whole wardrobe of kooky clothes.

And if I were to spread out an appraisal sheet over my life, what would my score be? Would I get a promotion or a bonus? Would my achievement list be longer than my de-merits?

Hahaha, nervous laugh* --- this is not the doorway to heaven you know.

Well, maybe I should make a list of some sort anyway...some nagging issues?

1. when are you ever going to sign up for a dance class?
2. why can't home trips to Taiping be more often?
3. life insurance?
4. learn to read music damn it!
5. buy a goddamn umbrella for the car ok!
6. grow up

No way, I equate growing up to knowing what you want in life....if being grown up means knowing what you REALLY want then I guess the world is over-run by Peter Pans. Right?

I'm not afraid of going up to the 30-something, I guess I have long felt older..? These days in the city being a 40-something, 30-something or a 20-something really makes no difference, moolah makes all the difference.

You can be 35 and have tighter skin than the 22-year-old next to you, you need the right doctor and beauty consultant.

Back home you will be in for more nagging on settling down...the day your old folks are there. Once you get there...you have the worst thought in your mind about how you will survive your old folks and your heart cringe at how frail and aged your parents are. I don't have even my own pad so where would I put my parents when they need my care?

Who would be here with when I'm old and wrinkled?

Hang on, before I even get there....audition rooms will soon be getting more and more unfriendly, I could be the only 29-year-old there. Then tomorrow I will be the only 32-year-old, then...soon...

Oh shut up!* You said -- I'm fucking 33-year-old and I'm fine!

....I changed my backdrop...change of music on my laptop, now it's Silent Noon by Vaughan Williams.

Maybe I will grow up soon and, there will be sunshine at the other side of the 3-0.

I will not stress over things I cannot change.

I will be kinder and more understanding...with your help.

I will take my supplements when I should.

I will eat more fruits...

I will sing everyday.

I will be happy growing older, but not really older