childhood fantasy

i remember playing this scene over and over in my head when i was about 14 or 15, every morning in the bus to school:

i wake up in early morning my apartment, change into jogging gear and take my dog out for a jog at the park nearby (i don't know about the part how a dog is allowed in an apartment)...i have slim long legs and there are always admiring glances when i run. when i'm done i'll have my wholesome breakfast at my kitchen, orange juice, eggs & baked-beans. after a glorious hot shower i change into my power suits and drive to work (some glamorous job down town), in my own car.

when i was 14 or 15, back in the town of Taiping, the above was a fantasy far beyond my reach. the fantasy was a picture of THE future life for me: it symbolises independence, happiness and love.

today, i'm 27 and a proud owner of a 21-year-old Nissan Sunny 130Y, the fantasy seems a lot closer. and after i move into this lovely condo in Kelana Jaya, i will be able to play the girl in my early-morning-school-bus-fantasy, finally. this makes me ask myself whether i am happy, successful and independent. we'll get to that later...

of course, wearing power suit is no longer a fantasy, wearing anything that resemble a power suit becomes a job, not pure joy. and jogging is never my cup of tea...and i don't
have a dog. hot showers, baked beans, eggs make me very happy, and i live everyday remembering that hot showers in my childhood was a tedious routine (boil water, bring it to the bathroom and mix with cold water), until my dad finally installed one for my mom after i left home.

but to be behind wheels in my own car and go everywhere i fancy, i think, will never ever lose its magic. for people my age who started driving in their teenage hood and never have to pay for car will not understand the significance of it to me. most friends my age were ushered to driving schools during their high schools or colleagues days. most of them were given a car to drive around soon after they passed the driving test.

back then when i was small, the path to happiness was material-achievement, good job and nice clothes, car and a dog. when i first lived away from my parents and my sister, i learned to be happy with smaller, simpler things, like a nice walk along Masjid Jamek on sunday mornings, a bag of chips when i read, good pickings at flea markets, hot Maggie noodles after doing laundry, fave CD playing in my room....i used to make list** like this.

i think when you start to have more things in your life, it gets harder to be happy. so i guess the lesson is: when you upgrade your standard of living, do not upgrade your expectation and standard for happiness.

**who wants to compare list? post it.