Letter twenty - Day twenty-three of your vacation

Dearest J,

Morning! Was at the CD shelf looking to pack a few mixed CDs for tonight's work and found a stack of old photos in my CD leaflets box.  And saw you in there.  This reminds me that just three shelves above I have two big shelves of old photos in prints, all the pre-digital memories.

And you will be in many many of those photos.  That delightful thought jumped at me.

Had a real nice dinner with Sushee & Nell on guess what, plain porridge with Mama's condiments.  The catch-up session had a zen-like feel.  Many stories were shared and all conclusions seem to be pointing at what we learned at the recent meditation retreat.  Breathe in deep and really, concentrate on our very present moment.  Knowing we cannot change the external, but we CAN always change ourselves - an idea, a thought, an opinion, a reaction, a response, an emotion, a judgement...etc.

And mind you, Nell reminded us, what we dislike in others, is a reflection of ourselves.

As I sat there overlooking the night fall and listening, talking to the girls, I was happy.  We gotta deserve to be happy, and I know that it is achievable even at this point in my life.  There are issues, and there will always be issues, bad ones, smelly ones, to be taken care one thing at a time.  You have taught me not to waste time worrying over things I have no control over, instead focus on things I have control over, like my behaviour, and myself.

There are problems, and there are more problems.  Problems, however, don't have to stand in the way for happiness.  Hmmm, I wonder if it's apt to take the example of a young child (ala Slum Dog Millionaire) standing in the midst of a monstrous slum with his friends playing games and he is just as happy as the millionaire sailing on his million-dollar yacht.

Yup, I think this will have to be my thought-model from now.  I will need this when I continue cleaning round the house, and going through more of your things.  There's still a basket of your things on the shelf next to the CD, the basket I gave you to hold your ear plugs, keys, and pills and what not.

Also, I need to go to bed earlier...I know now why I have been sleeping so late.  I always sleep earlier whenever you stayed over because I know you'd get annoyed if I go to bed too late so I would always cut whatever I was doing shorter (shorter is the key word, not short) so I would sleep earlier.  Or even when you weren't staying over, our late night chats (of you telling me to sleep soon or that you were going to sleep soon) were a prompt for me to turn in sooner.

Ok, going to have breakfast now.  It's going to be a full day.  In fact, everyday is going to be a full day.

I look forward to look through our old photos on those shelves soon and scan some in for your family.

I love you, because you deserve to be loved.

B