Mid career crisis

It's better to know the ugly truth rather than living in self-denial.

I have a lot on my plate nowadays, a lot not in terms of jobs, rather, a lot that I need to accomplish by...soon, hopefully.

There are some things you can't rush, like growing musically and artistically.

You can never stop working on it, but you could be working blindly if you haven't got suitable mentors and coaches to work with.

Watched Drum Slices last night. If I were never fond of Chinese before, now I appreciate all Chinese factors in the performing arts - discipline, precision and focus. The drum work and the choreography you see on stage, they move you...really, WATCH it, last show on Sunday.

Had a hard rehearsal on Wednesday, another reminder of my struggle at acting. I knew I had to make tonight's rehearsal better so that I can have peace of mind this weekend. It went better for me, director gave me individual session an hour before rehearsal started. The attention was good, with Kai Loon's instruction, I went from vague to knowing every twitch I made and how to fine tune every facial expression.

I remember learning my first song at my singing class. I can almost see how I will be doing these scenes again and again till my body memorizes each breathe I take at each line, and each raise of eye brow and every step at any direction.

On the singing front, meeting and singing for the Hii of the No Black Tie has been my musical highlight in June. A reminder for me to acknowledge the absence of a pianist coach is detrimental to my singing education. I have a brand new and an absolute beauty duet to learn. I have a brand new singing agenda for this year...a simple, basic agenda for any singer, but it's been missing from singing routine -- enjoy my music and the voice.

Without having enough gigs to sustain my expenses, my calendar is already looking rather packed with activities and appointments, enough to fill the next few months. To work on one song alone, the time needed is enormous -- research, reading, technique check, singing, singing, singing, listening to myself, among other activities in between. Who says I haven't a full time job? This business is more demanding than a FULL-TIME job. This is the real Full-Time.

These are tasks that go beyond your lunch break, Mondays to Fridays...

Work on existing repertoire
Work on Performing of songs
Practise on keyboard
Practise on acting and line delivery with action
Learning songs from musical
Listening to recordings
Reading research material
Work on enunciation and pronunciation of lyrics

It's so difficult but it's so...fulfilling. Sometimes it's so frustrating but it's so inviting. It's so expensive but how do I say no?