a charmed life

Woke up this morning feeling very blessed and happy, contented with my life...with the state it is in right now.

(moody, female artiste...persona, different feeling all the time, hahaha)

Feeling contented not because everything is perfect in my life but because, everything is perfectly slightly imperfect and I get to enjoy working on making things better...it's been many things rolled in one but I like the results. It's dynamic, it's exciting.

On the whole, I've been blessed with people who stand by my work, a circle of people who help me with my work, with clients who still call me...and this journey down my career path that is uncertain, exciting and downright exhilarating. I'm no what some would called the `local celebrity' or getting so many bookings that I need a personal assistant, or bagging any awards...but I feel blessed nevertheless.

Can't quite pin down why but I just feel that it's been a nice ride so far and I like to carry on on this ride. It's been great talking and making music and stuff with friends and strangers who become friends.

I performed last night to a crowd of less than 30 and it took me a couple of songs to calm my nerves. I wasn't over the moon with my performance but I was feeling rather satisfied with the whole process of rehearsing and performing last night's set because I was doing, ok ok, attempting something artistically different, something outside my comfort zone, something challenging for me.

The dramaqueens...The Tangerines at No Black Tie last night
We sang a set of ten songs, it was a first for me to improvise parts and harmonies during a performance, all the way through except for the songs where I took the melody line. I felt closer to being a musician now, rather than only a soloist.

It's a feeling of fulfillment having done something new and the enjoying the learning curve, not that everything came out right all the way through. Not sure if then I should have to apologize to the audience for `jamming' during a performance but my excuse is, every performer needs a live audience to know what works and what doesn't.

I should be so lucky to be working with people who do not discourage me because of my lack of flair in the business of singing as an ensemble member. Nicole, Zal and her sister Zhen cried, screamed, laughed and shrieked through our rehearsal but never once told me to give it up because I was struggling.

That must have contributed to how I woke up feeling elated.

Also, I got a call last week and auditioned for a play and read a part in Malay, my performance there wasn't profound or anything but again, I walked out feeling top of the world doing something outside my comfort zone.

Not sure if five years down the road I'd still be excited and un-jaded but I'm saving all my energy on living an artsy, charmed life now.