Of donuts, romance and anger management

pic by Ben Tan

Anyway, just having the picture up coz i like it and now, my entry is actually about...

I'm through with the now famous J. & Co donuts @ Pavilion downtown. Spent some time there last week, two days in a row, so what did I do? Queue up with the rest of Malaysia and satisfied my need for the wonderful Glazzy donuts...seriously, if you are going to wait in line next for the wildly popular snack anytime soon, get the Glaze, it's the BEST.

So I was there on Tuesday to meet a client, so I planned a day ahead to buy the donuts after my meeting, after which I shall deliver the goodies to J's house for the J. & Co virgins there. So I did, was in line for about twenty minutes I guess, ordering and waiting to pay for the two dozens took another ten minutes or so...

On Wednesday I had to meet another client there for a fitting session (yes, I get to wear some glamour-puss dress for a show) and Nell decided to take me lunch after that. Of course she made me do the customary thing to do in Pavilion -- we queued up for her first J. & Co donuts before lunch.

Then guess what, three hours later when I was lounging with Nell at the ultra chic Etoille cafe, a call came in and looks like I was getting back into queue to buy some more donuts!!!!!!!!!! For Cheryl who was making a trip to KL that night...I couldn't refuse her request I guess, I was there and she was in Genting.

So there I was, queued up for 20 minutes, on Tuesday and on Wednesday, for some donuts.

Anyway, what a long granny story. What I wanted to tell you really is what I saw on Wednesday while I was in queue. I had my earphone on, practicing to some minus ones for a show, but I heard argument behind me, a private argument between a man and a woman, right behind me.

From the conversation I could tell they were a boyfriend and his girlfriend. Obviously the lining was pissing off the woman.

"No, I told you I have already tried this thing and I thought maybe you want to eat this so I said we come here, if you don't want to wait so long we can leave."

"....oh PLEASE can you just leave it and we just line up and wait?!"

"It's ok...am saying if you don't want to try it's ok with me, because I've had it already so it's up to you.."

"PLEASE! Ya ya I know but if you want to buy then you just say so ok, but look at this line!!!"

"Then we just leave la, ok? If you don't want to try also then it's ok, we just leave!"

"IT WAS YOU WHO SAID TO COME HERE! Now after so long only you say leaving?!!"

"I know but that's because I thought you should try this, but if you don't want to wait so long then we leave la!"

".....OK OK we leave now!"

I saw from the corner of my eye they left to go up to the second floor on an escalator next to the donuts joint. The man was in front of the woman, the pissed off woman was three flights down, looking away from him and looking very upset.

I told Nell later what happened. She said it must have been easier for an outsider looking in and find that incident extremely petty while the people involved seemed blinded by their occupation of their emotions then, annoyance and frustrations.

Blinded by our emotions?

Am one who can definitely share experience on having outbursts, lashing out abusive words because I couldn't control my emotions. I have since....after reading some about having intelligence in controlling short-fuses and taking control of a situation, I tried to change my ways. You know, I did, some of it.

If you hold in your fist and bite your words in when you are angry, for as long as you need so that you won't make a scene (it's not just about saving faces in public, it's about being healthy too), lashing out on another, crash a plate, anything that will hurt anyone. Hold in, and starting thinking rationally, chances (for me) are, you won't feel so upset after you think it over. Sometimes the moment will pass and you will have the bulk of your anger going away with the clock ticking by.

My experience with this is that I trained myself to think positively every time something upsets me, I made some conscious effort every time to steer away from negative thoughts and think of the good alternatives that can come from the upsetting situation.

(eg. the bloody movie tickets are sold out? only two rows from screen available? fine! I would go home n curl in with my new Vogue magazine with bag of chips)

(eg. boyfriend had to cancel a trip short on me! Fine then, I would go home earlier than plan and then I can go out with my girlfriends, or I can finally watch that three new DVDs)

(eg. stupid waiter came with wrong order for the second time! Instead of sending back and wait for my dinner finally arrive right while everyone is finishing, I will eat the wrong order and munch on whatever I like on my friends' plates and we can get to the movie on time)

(eg. idiotic biker rode in front of me at 30km per hour, fine...I would give him the sympathy that I'm the one driving a car and he would get soaked any minute now)

Mostly if you are upset with your boyfriend or husband at small things (that can be very very annoying), you take a step behind and look in, chances are (if you are very very much in love) you'd find that your love and your bond with the person will surplus whatever annoyance you have at that moment. The in-the-moment annoyance is never worth a fight compare to the love that you two have built together.

Like me, I could always find a good enough reason to forgive him for whatever silly and annoying things (make soggy instant noddles) that he has (unintentionally, most of us do it unintentionally, trust me) done. And he has since a long time ago, see that my annoying habits (like changing five times before going out) as something that is uniquely me and he could see pass its inconvenience and grow to love it.

Sounding every bit like a love doctor? Well, it's my layman experience, why don't you try it?

J found something cool for me to read online, and I found this section from the main essay. Cool things to do with your lover...

Have a good lover day!