Letter one hundred and fifteen - The days go on

Dearest J,

I just had one of those perfect mornings and a strong urge came to write about it, so I can remember it.

I had barely 5 hours of sleep after a late late night chat with my mates in the flat.  The thought of doing yoga at 10am today must have kept me on my toes in bed...I woke up by myself at 830am.  After checking the updated studio schedule I realize today's class would start at 930am, not 10am.  I made it into the class at 931am and had a fabulous 75-min class that ended with a 15-min meditation.

The reward for my joyous pain session was breakfast at Tommy's.  The counter and the shoppe front was packed with customers.  I walked into the back to help, because helping in a shop always make me feel incredibly practical and useful, it helps that Tommy is such a lovely person.  I helped write a few receipts and bills for him and waited for my sandwich.

The weather was so lovely and the fresh baguette with hot tea too.  Things couldn't be more perfect in that moment, while my biceps were still trembling with post-yoga tremors as I dig into the hot meal.

I know what it is, it's the feeling and the sensation of aliveness.  The pain in the body, slightly sticky with sweat and the rare cool morning breeze at Tommy with my freshly melted cheese.

Speaking of being alive.  I went on radio to speak about this writing routine between us.  Xandria wanted a chat on how blogging help with things around here.  I still can't quite decide how I felt about talking to public about how I continued the journey without you, I just knew I agreed to go on the show because I want to share my experience.

You see, I want people to know that no matter how `alone' I am now without you, I am really not lonely because I have learned how not to be lonely...but I suspect, some of this weren't too bad for me because just like you, I too get a kick out of solitary existence.  Anyway, I mostly emphasized on how it was really helpful to allow myself to be totally engulfed by my work in music, and to write to you.

Our experiences, those lived by you by yourself and me on my own can merge as one because we had all those wonderful times talking about them.  In a way that I cannot explain (yet), every time I go out to do something outdoorsy or physical, like running, dancing, cycling, walking under the sun, etc - I feel as though you were around somewhere near me, like inside of me.

I saw a couple on a Kawasaki Zephyr near your house two weeks ago.

And oh, what a joy it is that I have finally came out of my long kitchen/cooking draught!  I am trying to maintain a `cooking routine' at home.  My repertoire is terribly tiny but am happy to be feeding myself at home sometimes.  Here are the menus so far...

May and June went by fast and furious, I had a packed period of corporate bookings and club gigs and concerts and a fundraiser.  I always have so much fun at work that sometimes I stop in my track and examine this great ball of fun am having and feel a bit guilty, is it ok to have THIS much fun at work? And get paid for that?

This photo taken on my phone, at Sunbeam Homes fundraiser last month - Shelah and I shared a dressing room :)

other goofy photos off stage at other work/gigs...

At the end of my wonder on how much fun it's normal to have at work, I came to this conclusion - one is paid to have fun at work because of one's handwork in his previous training to achieve a level of competency or better still, a virtuosic performance.  So the fun only begin after you have invested countless hours of practice and training to play like a master...a professional - and then that's when you deserve to be paid a professional fee, to have a hell lot of fun.

An artist's growth and worth is maintained through constant challenges.  I am not entirely organized in my planning for a better career but I have certainly spent enough time and money recently for some new excitements:

I now remember where things are not so easy and not so much fun, not yet - my singing lessons.  My sessions with Cecilia so far is still a constant struggle, of understanding what am being taught and instructing my body to do what is needed to improve.  The progress is really slow.  I admit I only have myself to blame, my practice at home is too far and few in between classes to see any serious improvement.

I have also signed up and started attending a new class with a new teacher, Suhaili Michelin, in contemporary dance!  I feel a little like a cook being put in a ballet class full of trained ballerinas but I dig every second of the class.  I have gotten hooked on pain in more ways than one!  I secretly enjoy the burning pain on my thighs and my arms two days after a class, and I relish in every little new trick I learn in class to make my figure look leaner and longer in my reflection in the mirror.  Tightening of the butt is one of  them...

With so much going on, and visit Mama in other pockets of time - you can see the road is busy and long.  Other times I enjoy a few minutes of sitting on the floor with Thursday, just patting her and not thinking anything...she reminds me of you, how silent and still you could keep.  Just enjoying each other's company, doing nothing.

Much love,

B