Money Money, 2020

 Posted on Facebook on December 15, 2020

(Wanted to save this long post/blog under FB Notes, and just realised that they have done away with Notes and it seems I have LOST ALL MY FB Notes - silent wails....all my writing for years)

[Money Money] - long post

This blog is about money. I’ve never written stories about my relationship with money. I want to tell the story now. The story so far. 

Was washing some baby spinach for dinner two days ago when an idea flashed my mind. I looked at the greens floating in the clean water, and thought to myself, “From now on, I’ll only buy my groceries at places that aren’t over-priced. Yup. That’s all I can afford now and that’s what I should do.”

Though I was used to buying my groceries without looking at price tags, this new ‘project’ – I want to take it on as an exciting lifestyle change project and my usual attitude towards making changes in my life is usually with a lot of enthusiasm and zest, why should this be any difference, right? 

Right.

I have always been mesmerized with stories about people who live great lives with limited finances. Two of my favourite protagonists are Justin, and my girlfriend ML.

Justin bought his first big bike back then (around year 2000 or so) and was determined to pay off the loan fast so he spent months living simple. He told me he was paying back the loan with a huge portion of his monthly salary, so he couldn’t afford a lot of everyday luxuries after paying the instalment. “I could only order ais-kosong at the mamak while I watch my friends eat fried noodles and fried chicken.” He said he ended up just mostly stayed home and read, or watch TV, until he paid off the bank loan. In his own words, “I realised that it was actually not a bad life. I read a lot of books, stayed at home and still enjoyed myself, a simple life.” I admired that a lot and this story stayed with me all this time. 

ML was a girl I met at some of my earliest singing gigs, long before I became a full time performer. She is from Kulim, fiercely intelligent and the most resourceful person I knew back then. I remember being ultra-impressed with how she lived. As a young lady on a humble salary, but by being excellent in budgeting, ML managed her expenses and extra-curriculum activities so well…I thought she lived the most interesting life. She had a small and charming, rented attic room. She had enough to eat well (she taught me how to cook with rice cooker), took tabla class and capoeira class. To me, her life was such wholesome abundance, so rich and full, and it wasn’t an expensive life. She remains one of my most inspiring friends. 

And so, me and my money, the story so far.

The story now is, I am having a tough time with it, yes, with money. (I did have second thought about self-censoring on this particular topic, it being so personal and all. But then I shrugged a second later…although not every aspect of my life is an open book, talking about money feels like something I want to write about now - for my own sake. It’s a self-reflection that I like to face with positivity, albeit the situation I’m in.)

The one thing I think I’ve done poorly with money in recent months - since March - is that I did not change my spending habits soon enough. I spent carefreely for months, despite having all or most to my bookings cancelled and postponed. And the subsequent months, I continued to dig into my savings every month - to pay bills, to pay for everyday expenses, donations, etc. I look back now and realise, I was deliberately delayed serious planning of personal finances in this pandemic climate, why? Such immature behaviour, and so quintessential Janet – the irresponsible spender.

My ‘hardly-think-twice’ habit. I always go for the better seats at theatre shows (more expensive), I would buy any food I want to eat without checking the price tags (thinking I was eating well), I bought costumes and costume jewellery enough to open a shop (or two), I went on exotic holidays, I paid for two self-produced albums and solo concerts in the span of five years.

Now I am reviewing every expense item and checking what I can cut down. It is a huge change, but majority of us are going through this same thing too. So, so what if I am doing it now. In fact, as I said above, I should have started changing my spending habits long time ago.

I think it is ironic. As a child, from a humble family. Though my dad was able to provide everything I needed, we had nothing too fancy - we didn’t take family holidays, the first car from my childhood memories had no air-conditioning. I grew up thinking I’d be lucky if I could get a decent job and be able to pay bills and stand on my own two feet. I didn’t have a lot of faith back then, in my academic skills to get into a so-called high-paying white collar job. 

So it was bewildering, after I settled down as a full time, honest to goodness full time performer with income enough to pay for bills and then some. I put aside savings, money that would eventually buy me nice stuff – like my two studio albums and self-funded solo concerts. I was living a life beyond my wildest dreams. 

Hah, now look at where I am now. I find myself back at where I started as a strange weary child, worrying about my later days with money problems. The difference now is that I have acquired fine tastes and having experienced very nice things in life. But don’t get me wrong though, I am not depressed about being broke. I have a roof over my head that isn’t going anywhere, I still have a healthy body and sound mind, and hands – there are plenty I can do to survive. This is a wake-up call diary to remind myself to be more penny-conscious. 

Spending less does not have to mean misery. As Justin and ML have shown me, a simple and economical life can be just as satisfying and rewarding. 

May the force be with us. Stay safe and stay kind.

Namaste. 

#janetwrites #onmoney #personalfinance #moneymakestheworldgoround