of Covid-2020, families, and my year end trip to Penang

Happy new year again   One more quiet day with London weather outside, before it turns Monday in the 2021 with the world out there grappling to carry on with the torch of surviving the pandemic in the new year.  So here is a bit of self-reflection and some heartfelt gratitude for my last music outing in 2020 up in Penang.

If I have to sum up my year of music-making (and staying sane) in the year of “Covid-2020” with one word, the word would be ‘Family’. Family of the ‘organic kind’, and family of the chosen kind.

The family that I have found in my music community has given me the healing and sanctuary that was much needed in my melancholic and depressive months of mounting stress from all directions, over-thinking and miserable health. 

 

The family that I was born into, gave me an opportunity to discover the importance of music in everyday family time – I’m finally singing and dancing with my folks.  And to be able to witness the joy that music brings in my family, is a reward beyond description. 

 

In the last few months of 2020, I had the chance to make a handful of duo shows with Tay Cher Siang, my music director and pianist (amongst a few live-band shows with WVC Jazz).  The kind of piano and voice gigs that, to me, were much more than entertaining a small room of audience with great music and singing.  I took to them with my usual borderline nerve-wrecking anxiety (but always end up winning myself an invaluable experience of living), but this time I have walked away with more than I have bargained for.   

 

I don’t think I have the words or the right description of what I have experience yet.  But some of the emotions I had from those outings were humility, gratifying and motivating.  In a way, those outings lend me a closer, deeper look, into myself, to discover what kind of human I am, in various situations.  

 

I told my Penang host and friend, Gareth, that I feel like I have been through the kind of training in past few shows that will prepare me for all the future shows that I will face one day; throw me in any kind of live circumstance or stage – I would have the right attitude to step up to it.

 

Over three nights between December 26 to 28 at Hikayat, a small movie screening room on top of a bookshop called Gerakbudaya in Georgetown, Cher Siang and I played to three unique audiences of both strangers and familiar faces.   All of them different but all attentive and appreciative.  

Over five nights of sleeping at Gareth’s Mango Tree Place, a house built in 1934. I had the chance to roll and laze in gorgeous sheets while I read books; or sit by the window and read in the sun. I engaged in nightly conversations with the writer and hustler himself, before we turn in.  In the mornings we listened to classical music in the living room downstairs.  

 

And then there were the outings with heavenly Char Koay Teow at Fok Kee restaurant.  I went for a hike near Penang Hill with writer Marco, Masako and Cher Siang.  I met with a local act Buddha Beat and jammed at their studio The Sound Maker, thanks to Marco’s introduction.  We managed to slot in a brief and chirpy visit to the spanking new and beautiful Wild Flower’s Music Shop, to listen to Coltrane on speakers and shopped some CDs.  There was a beautiful and serene high tea at Suffolk House with my BFF See Ming and small entourage of friends.  And I got to watch two amazing films, Billie (a documentary on Billie Holiday) and The Invisible Man.  Not forgetting the multiple hangout at the bookshop café with late night drinks. 

 

I came home with bag full of books, memories of good company, music-making, conversations and a happy tummy filled with Penang food.  I will make my new year one that is spirited and hopeful.  Thank you, Families,! 

 

#janetleemusic #janetwrites #janetleeinPenang #lifeisacabaretagain #taychersiang #Penang #gerakbudaya #hikayat #showgirldiary #travelingminstrels #covid2020 #jazz #music 

"Agree on the framework in hand."

"Okay in my hearts of hearts , from me to you, do i feel affinity to you which is more than friendship : Yes

But feelings can't be forced, if one come with pure intention

I do get signals from you that you are good with the current situation - as is... Signal received

But you can't regulate me and my behaviour... I'm my own person, so I'll continue.

Similarly I can't regulate you.

I don't know what to call us, frankly I don't care, I rather have you in my life than not have you in my life." 

Sitting with my Sage

He who came to my aide and bring light to the personal drama, personal mind storm:

"Just let it go.  Ego is great to drive us to achieve something, but horrible when used in hindsight.  Then it becomes that silly little brat, sulky brat.

You have guardian angel, what would Sitting Duck say...

Be happy for others' achievements, we sometimes feel the need for acknowledgements when others get it, but are most hard in ourselves because we see all with a critical eye.

In a night of hubris, of fanfare, sometimes it seems like it's the world.  

The most important thing in the end, is - are you happy doing the thing you do?

But sometimes we see a lot of hubris, and mistaken it for happiness - that's why it's important to set a goal."

Me: Must remember to come back to home ground.  I tend to get drifted off by all moments.

"It's difficult to fight the feeling when you see a crowd of hubris. It's easy to get confused amidst the flash and glitter.  I step away, and continue doing what I enjoy, not forgetting why I do what I do. "



On Fame 

"Well, we all want acknowledgement.  Especially as we come to a certain age.  Thing is it can come from many sources and in many forms.  We just need to find the honest source that suits us.
And in the end, it is the pursuit of happiness whatever it maybe, so why worry what source gives you the most happiness?

Maybe it's a bit self-serving but it keeps us happy?"

Me: Isn't most things self-serving though?  It's almost like survival? 

"It is, the survival of the self.  The self is most what we make of it."

Me: The Self! Buddhism comes in.

"Buddhism tells you to eventually, even lose the self.  But in order to lose it, you must first honestly discover it.  You cannot lose that which you do not know.

And the self is a construct, it is the best version of what we chose to be.  What we are by nature, isn't always the self we want to be.  Buddhism teaches one to first rise above our primal instincts, to covet, to want, to need, to struggle, to suffer.

And once you achieve that, you let that go as well.

无为，无我。"



:) Thank you Sage.

On this note, I forgive myself for being swept away in the moment and lost sight of my true anchor.
And I allow space to question myself from time to time.

1st anniversary of Restless Heart concert & album - Audience & Colleagues' feedback (March 2015)

Last year this date, March 13th, was an ordinary Friday for many but not for me.  Many people went out of their ways for months to make sure that on March 12th, Thursday, 2015 - Restless Heart CDs arrive at Dpac's theatre door, ready to be despatched and sold to our audience on the same evening, at Restless Heart concert - my first solo concert.  

The village came together for music and love, and the village has stuck together.  This year March 12th & 13th, I slept in on both days and relished in the memories of "Restless Madness" back then and laze in my comfy bed for now, gearing up for another exhilarating chapter ahead called the "second album and second concert".

I've compiled here all the audiences and colleagues' comments, responses, encouragements and kind thoughts that were known to me through their Facebook postings, messages and such.  Even though we didn't work on Restless Heart for these praises, they warm the cockles of our hearts and push our spirits to new heights and set me ready for the next milestone.  Thank you people.

Links:

The Star reportage by Seto Kit Yan
Review by Food For Soul, Rachel Khiew

Sandee Chew, March 15^th:

Some of the people it takes to do a solo concert & solo album.

O #RestlessHeart Janet Lee, I feel so priviledged to be able to experience even a smidgen of your growing artistry, wisdom & spirit. Who knew personal & sincere can also look & sound so sophisticatedly glamourous

Love the compilation of songs, all the original stuff & how you made old favs your own.

You continue to inspire me in so many ways. Not least of all how you truly and fully live by your deeply felt and honestly shared convictions. *tabik*

Char bo, looking forward to the rest of your journey.

.

People,

copy of the #RestlessHeart CD available through @souldoctorlee, or pop-by @tommyleebaker.

I've also officially become a fan of Tay Cher Siang (@nishysuperstar now ada competition in my heart) & WVC Band aka WVC+1. They got a concert at Pentas 1, #klpac on June 24-25, 2015!

Seriously humans, go check them out. Like seriously.

Ai Na Wee, March 14^th:

一场我看到用了很多的爱成就的演唱会。乐手们都爱她, 观众很爱她。全体的工作人员很爱她。他和她是相爱的。她用了她的歌声回馈大家对她的爱。我喜欢看这小妮子在台上的表演。即便她就是站着不动只张开双臂把歌唱好都那么吸引你的目光去注视她和她的演唱。这就是她的舞台魅力。这些年我看着她迅速地在舞台上成长, 那成长的速度是值得关注和兴奋的。不为什么,我想因为她是用心在唱歌。

我喜欢她的自荐:

I sing not because I'm happy,

I'm happy because I sing

抱歉我这组照片没拍得很多也没拍得好。因为我花时间在专心听她在为我们和自己唱歌。祝福你 #janetlee

I didn't manage to take lots of photos as I am busy watching and listening during the concert. I know her through her voice at most live performance when I attended one of my favourite jazz band WVC trio + one. I love to see her on stage. I often see team work and she somehow fill up the stage with her singing, her conversation with the audience and in this concert, her stories.

I enjoyed the concert very much as I can feel so much love in that theatre hall on the stage, among the audience. The musicians love her, the audiences love her, J and her love each other and she reciprocated by doing a fantastic job on stage for us and for her soulmate J. 
Glad to finally see her dream of releasing this solo album come true. GO GO GO my Janet and more to come...
I always love her slogan
"I sing not because I'm happy. I'm happy because I sing."
That's Janet Lee with her Restless Heart album
‪#‎janetlee‬ ‪#‎restlessheart‬

Kylie Sze Wei, March 14^th:

Janet Lee 1st Album "Restless Heart" finally finally finally launch.... Finally I can hear her voice now in car not only at the function! Congraz to Janet Lee ... Guys pls support this album... Is not only about the song in this album... Is a "heart"...

Joanne Aw, March 14^th:

Thank you @souldoctorlee for the stories told through your music

So beautiful, so passionate, so inspiring! —

Nicole Ann Thomas, March 14^th:

Yesterday I witnessed a dream come true. It was a dream come true for me too, lived and experienced by someone else. And this girl deserves every single dream of hers to come to life. Awesome night, awesome music, awesome person. Your Rider in the Wind will always be watching over you Janet Lee. And he is here, now, with you. I remember the early days when you were starting off in theatre and singing, when you used to come by bike, and I used to tell myself, these two are crazy. Thank you for being human. Thank you for being true. Stay crazy. And here's to more music and singing! Love and hugs always.

Alfred Loh, March 14^th:

Pick and identify the TRUE statement:

A. Janet Lee is a hustler

B. Janet Lee is a beautiful spirit

C. Janet Lee is a magnificent human being
D. All of the above

PC Foo, March 14^th:

Music in the soul can be heard by the universe." Very proud of you, my wonderfoo neighbour, Janet Lee

smile emoticon

Janet's album: [Restless Heart] is on sale now, go and grab it

Yudi Yap, March 14^th:

有一方梦土可以做主，是幸福的，尽管自掏腰包，代价不菲。

恭喜Janet演唱会成功，梦想专辑成真

Sherlyn Koh, March 14^th:

Proud of you my sister Janet Lee for your first up close and personal concert " Restless Heart". You are an inspirations, hard working and talented artist. We'll always here to support you. Congratulation to your new album, your dream finally come true! —

KJ Wong, March 14^th:

A restless heart,

beating with a passion unlike any other,

finds a place to be,

finds a voice to sing,

finds a reason to speak,
finds a purpose to live.

A dream,

fueled by a restless heart,

finds itself irrefutable.

Feeding on the pulses of passion and desire,

not the praises of hands and tongues,

it will not die till it finds rest,

seated among the realm of the living.

A joy,

to see a dream,

to see a restless heart

beat without hesitation,

without reservation.

To have lived beside it,

to have witnessed it live.

A life.

A whisper in the wind.

Fleeting, beautiful.

What is a life without a dream? If there was never a thing to strive for, never a passion to live for, never a community to love, never a joy to celebrate, never a sorrow to mourn, never a glory to witness, never a shame to bear; what would it all have been for?

To be a bearer of dreams, that is a beautiful privilege.

I, alongside my comrades whom I love, had the honor and privilege to bear the dream of one Janet Lee.

No bird flies without the wind beneath its wings. Though the wind may sometimes remain unseen, sometimes even unheard, it blows nonetheless, carrying forward those who would choose to ride upon it. All that is left is the image of majesty, soaring through the clouds.

It has been my utmost honor, one which I will forever remain thankful for, to have been called to carry a dream. It has been my joy to have been part of the responsibility for the image of majesty. It has been my pleasure to witness the heartbeats that have culminated in the Restless Heart. It has been my fulfillment to have served, to have been called to partake in the dream.

Cheers to you Janet.

..

..

And now, rest.

Horng Yih, March 14^th:

Restless Heart,

Rest less heart,

Less rest heart,

Less now,

Rest now,
Heart.

The cliche is to say "A Star Was Born", well this star was born a while ago.

Last night A Star Shone.”

Claire Rozells, March 14^th:

To a lady who shines.

I admire her spunk, her genuine love for love, her booming laughter, her generosity & that huge beautiful heart of hers.

A real go getter!! Whenever i get lazy or stuck in anything i do, i think of @souldoctorlee and how she presses on in life, ALWAYS up-ping her game, always being better than her yesterdays. You inspire me to be better. Thank you.

You are truly an amazing creature and i am sooooo proud of you; first, as a woman; second, as a vocalist... The success of your concert says it all ‪#‎restlessheart‬

‪#‎janetleesolodebut‬ ‪#‎janetleealbum‬

Your before made you today, and your today is gonna bring you to a beautiful tomorrow!! Congratulations my dear.

Don't stop inspiring.

Don't stop believing.

Don't ever stop laughing!!

You are a true warrior of life!! ‪#‎songbird‬ ‪#‎hardwork‬ ‪#‎dedication‬ ‪#‎abeauty‬ ‪#‎somuchsoul‬ ‪#‎simple‬ ‪#‎crazy‬ ‪#‎arealwoman‬ ‪#‎funny‬ ‪#‎magical‬

‪#‎beautifulinsideandout‬ ‪#‎realdeal‬

Much love hun!!

—   with Janet Lee.

Julian Chan, March 14^th:

RESTLESS HEART....

Dear Janet Lee

You are living proof that we all need to dream, and naivety in such dreams is something virtuous and valuable to have.

You are living proof that there's no dream that's too big that it cannot be achieved. All that is needed is persistence, preserverence, sincerity, diligence, and an unimaginable amount of passion.

You are living proof that having a restless heart is what is necessary to live in this world, or else there is no point to it.

We have seen how hard you have worked, day in day out, to get to this point. Thank you for having us be part of this dream of yours. It is my privilege and honor.

==============

PS:

The concert was a blast, and I had a great time with my musical brothers, whom I love dearly, and always a privilege to play and learn with and from them. To my brothers in WVC Trio+1, thank you!

Tay Cher Siang AJ Popshuvit Kj Wong

A shoutout to the rest of our ensemble:

Fung Chern Hwei and the Gugu-tet, Eben Ting, Kok Leong, and Eugene.

Backup voices - Yon Lynn Tan and Ng Shareen

Awesome guitarist Faz Aznam for adding your voice to our group.

A shoutout to the RESTLESS HEART production team: Nell Ng (director/producer/slave driver), Seah Song-fan, Wong Horngyih, Tan Choo Harn, Alex Ls Tan, Jaynell Ling and everyone else involved whom I haven't mentioned!

.......And a super special thanks to all of you who made it to the concert in support of our Queen! THANK YOU!

Brenda James, March 14^th:

Congratulations Janet Lee for bringing Restless Heart to fruition! The telling of a journey of love, its glorious highs, painful lows, and the delightful, formative middle ground where real life truly happens. May your musical adventures continue to bloom and grow.

Jimmy Ang, March 14^th:

Today's darlings.

I'm here today for Janet. Watching her realize her dream and being part of it is such a blessing. I'm never more proud of someone. The feast for the eyes and ears today not only inspired me but also motivated me. We all want to be someone who we dream to be but not everyone can achieve it. Congrats Janet. I want you to know that I love you and your spirit.

Angie Ng, March 14^th:

Stellar solo concert & launch of her debut album ‪#‎restlessheart‬ by ‪#‎janetlee‬ ! Congratulations @souldoctorlee & thank you for your music, your stories, your beautiful soul & for always keeping it real! P/S: cried again listening to your album in the car lah. ‪#‎therapeutic‬ Janet Lee

Zakri, March 14^th:

A fearless and restless heart inspired me so much tonight with her courage in pursuing her dreams. Congrats dear heart — with Janet Lee.

Keira Chin, March 13^th:

I met Ms @souldoctorlee 3 years ago at one of Sensei Cher Siang's performance. She is always regarded as the most hardworking woman on earth. Finally the long awaited solo concert/album release! Congratulations! Thank you for the gorgeous music that touches my heart. I'm sure it's same for everyone who was there. ‪#‎restlessheart‬ ‪#‎janetlee‬

Suhailie Michelin, March 13^th:

Dearest @souldoctorlee , thank you for sharing this night with me. It was indeed a reminder to always celebrate life and be thankful for many wonderful things. I'm so grateful to be part of your journey.. 'Dance not because you want to but because you have to...' Love you ‪#‎janetlee‬ ‪#‎restlessheart‬ — with Seah Song-fan and 5 others.

Adrian Chee, March 13^th:

My good friend and (trusted supplier) Janet Lee had her first solo concert tonite and boy did she blew the audience away. Thank you for an amazing nite, my favorite has always been your rendition of Shanghai Jazz - all my hair stood up when you hit those notes! Keep on having that Restless Heart and continue making great music! Congrats my dear, and all the best with the new album.

Jason Khoo, March 13^th:

【Restless Heart】一张诚意满满的作品。看见的是一位歌者的热血、努力与坚持；听见的是首首美妙动听的爵士乐，仿佛享受着一杯浓郁咖啡停留在嘴里的香醇～ Janet Lee 李抒芬，加油！

Lynn Tan, March 13^th:

Butterflies in a jar. As though the glass is lined with acid.

(I'm lost for words!)

Restless Heart is crafted with raw sincerity.

Personally, I recalled a very familiar desire...

feels like I can touch the sky again.

Come to DPAC for Restless Heart - A solo concert by Janet Lee tomorrow!

Our only, most recent duo shot

Winnie Ho, March 13^th:

She is our "youngest" in ‪#‎ShanghaiSisters‬. She is my crony. She is someone that inspired and encourage me so much about dreams. She sing, she laughs, she writes, she pursues. She is Janet Lee.

Congrats babe on your debut solo concert : Restless Heart! I was touched by the great effort everyone puts in ! So proud of u!

, still showing at Damansara Performing Art Center (Dpac). One more show on 13/3/2015, 8.30pm. Acknowledge their effort by support the gig or get a copy of Janet's Debut album! — with May Meow and Janet Lee.

Isabell Jia Jia, March 13^th:

It's a whole load of enjoyment for audience when seasoned musicians perform on stage

smile emoticon

without forgetting the experienced show producer , coordinator , sound n light engineer n etc .

Dear Janet Lee, so proud of u ~!! Great show indeed !

虽然走的是不同风格，但我强烈推荐常听和常做中文音乐的朋友们去看这场演出！其实我们在这样多元种族和文化的熏陶之下，酝酿出来的音乐真的有很多值得互相交流和学习的地方。 不要忙着各做各的才好～

Kong Eu, March 13^th:

Such an elegant & beautiful ‪#‎RestlessHeart‬ last night! Janet Lee's solo concert launching her debut album at ‪#‎DPAC‬. FULL live band, stunning staging & powerful vocals of the gorgeous Janet Lee ...See if you can get standing room tickets for tonight's show!

Ker Heng, March 13^th:

Wonderful vocals by Janet Lee and the band + wvc trio who played tonight! Faz Aznam great work on the guitar! Lights and sound were a very high standard too! ‪#‎restlessheart‬ ‪#‎janetleemusic‬

Prestinne Tan, March 12^th:

Was at a solo concert of restless heart, featuring Janet Lee. A malaysian songstress. It's her 1st album after working hard for 10 years. Finally she owns the stage, has her own songs in the comfort of people that love her in the hall. I don't know her, but from the brief encounter I could feel her. It was really touch-heart, with personal stories weaved in. Did not expect to be touched that way but I choked up a few times especially when she mentioned Justin, her soul mate that has passed on 5 years ago. Did not expect such a soulful, personal musical encounter tonite really. And I could feel that she is a beautiful being. I could not detect any sense of pretense. Not a bit. Only sincerity and honesty. Oh and this girl can sing! Lol! My favourite track - Into The Sky. Congratulations ‪#‎JanetLee‬. ‪#‎RestlessHeart‬
Kris Wong dear thank you for a beautiful evening as always. ♡♡♡

Zen Lin Tan, March 20^th:

Hi Janet,

Thank you for a wonderful Friday last week. F1 was a good seat. Thank you for accommodating to my ticket change. It's been a week but the experience was awe-inspiring and alot of the tunes are still ringing in my head. Especially "Mo Li Hua", it's spine-tingling. Perfect amalgamation of chinese folk and modern fusion.

Being a restless heart myself, I look up to you. I cried, I laughed, I grooved to the beats, I clapped, througout your concert even I was solo that evening.    Guess that's the magic of the arts. And your honesty brought me into deep thoughts of my current situation. A timely reminder for myself to keep me sane. Every moments is a crossroads. Every turn you make and every path you make will be your journey of discovery forever. Make life a ride.

Glad to see you have the blessings, love and care from friends.

Hope to see more of your performances in the future or maybe a good cup of tea.