a charmed life

Woke up this morning feeling very blessed and happy, contented with my life...with the state it is in right now.

(moody, female artiste...persona, different feeling all the time, hahaha)

Feeling contented not because everything is perfect in my life but because, everything is perfectly slightly imperfect and I get to enjoy working on making things better...it's been many things rolled in one but I like the results. It's dynamic, it's exciting.

On the whole, I've been blessed with people who stand by my work, a circle of people who help me with my work, with clients who still call me...and this journey down my career path that is uncertain, exciting and downright exhilarating. I'm no what some would called the `local celebrity' or getting so many bookings that I need a personal assistant, or bagging any awards...but I feel blessed nevertheless.

Can't quite pin down why but I just feel that it's been a nice ride so far and I like to carry on on this ride. It's been great talking and making music and stuff with friends and strangers who become friends.

I performed last night to a crowd of less than 30 and it took me a couple of songs to calm my nerves. I wasn't over the moon with my performance but I was feeling rather satisfied with the whole process of rehearsing and performing last night's set because I was doing, ok ok, attempting something artistically different, something outside my comfort zone, something challenging for me.

The dramaqueens...The Tangerines at No Black Tie last night
We sang a set of ten songs, it was a first for me to improvise parts and harmonies during a performance, all the way through except for the songs where I took the melody line. I felt closer to being a musician now, rather than only a soloist.

It's a feeling of fulfillment having done something new and the enjoying the learning curve, not that everything came out right all the way through. Not sure if then I should have to apologize to the audience for `jamming' during a performance but my excuse is, every performer needs a live audience to know what works and what doesn't.

I should be so lucky to be working with people who do not discourage me because of my lack of flair in the business of singing as an ensemble member. Nicole, Zal and her sister Zhen cried, screamed, laughed and shrieked through our rehearsal but never once told me to give it up because I was struggling.

That must have contributed to how I woke up feeling elated.

Also, I got a call last week and auditioned for a play and read a part in Malay, my performance there wasn't profound or anything but again, I walked out feeling top of the world doing something outside my comfort zone.

Not sure if five years down the road I'd still be excited and un-jaded but I'm saving all my energy on living an artsy, charmed life now.

health audit

Clearly I've been a slop, not sloppy in my flat but everywhere else...

Dealing with the every day complaints of little aches, pains, diarhoea...for such a long time and only now I realise that I've been sloppy with myself.

In the last one month I have gone to see doctors twice for migraines, one visit to a specialist about my frequent bloatiness, two visits to seek help for laryngitis and common cold. It's scarier to start counting the times I reach over counter to take my prescriptions.

Loss of voice (a case of laryngitis on Chinese new year's eve) gets me stuck in a mood swing which start a strings of damaging thoughts. You know, the typical self-doubts, depressive & cranky ways..

Didn't help is my short-fused ways when having to deal with all my family members all in one week (it's also called the annual event of Chinese new year). I don't know how but I know next year I want to try to be nicer, to the people, supposedly closest to me. Duh, to think I was the one reminding my friend the other day that "this life and this world has enough terrors and horrors that we really don't need, shouldn't add more unpleasantness to it..".

So my laryngitis turned into a maniac case of coughing and half-dripping nose. The uncontrollable coughing worries me and make me sad. Encounter with a seemingly `I dont really care' GP in a 24-hour clinic last weekend didn't help. Completed one course of antibiotics did no improvement to my condition.

So today in the midst of my sulking in my own world with coughs and mucus all over, I went to see my usual GP, about the only GP in town I trust. She examined my throat and told me not to worry too much and put me on another course of antibiotics, plus she said, I need to start sleeping more, and exercise three times a week.

I know working out is a sure fire way to beat depression (I have a mild case of that, am sure) but the past week and today...I just don't feel like moving much, kept thinking about when will my voice come back (no voice, no work).

Ok, it's time to do that health audit and stop the nonsensical ranting about my life when I have so much...

Going to have Valentine's Day dinner tonight with my hero-man, Indian food it is.

The audit

bad meal times
bad sleeping hours
bad management of time
very lack of exercise
very stressed out...duno why

The action plan

starting dance class in Caterpillar end of this month, jazz
contemplate music lessons
sleep earlier than 2am everyday
regular meals
exercise weekly
I duno how yet, but I have to learn how to get less stressed-out